Ben and Rob head back to Forks for The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, the third (and somehow most openly unhinged) entry in the glittery supernatural mega-franchise. The one where the love triangle becomes a war movie, the subtext becomes text, and everyone suddenly starts giving speeches like they’re in a fantasy epic instead of a rainy teen melodrama. Starring Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner (now operating at full shirtless protector mode), Eclipse finds Bella caught between eternal vampiric marriage and extremely mortal werewolf abs, while Seattle is being terrorised by an army of newborn vampires and the franchise quietly pivots into X-Men: Forks Edition.

But what is Eclipse, exactly? A romance? A war film? A lore dump disguised as a graduation party? Why does this chapter feel like the moment the series decides it has imp ...