SHIFT Talking™

by Davina Hehn

Mental Health Relationships

52: The Lonely Road to Growth: Why Personal Development Feels So Isolating

You’re evolving—and it shows. But instead of applause, you're met with distance, side-eyes, or straight-up silence. This solo is for the transitional characters. The ones doing the inner work, setting the boundaries, shifting the cycles—and wondering why it feels so damn lonely. Not everyone wants you to stay stuck… but they were comfortable when you did. In this vulnerable and validating episode, Davina unpacks the painful side of becoming self-aware: the grief of being misunderstood, the frustration of misalignment, and the disorientation that hits when your inner upgrades aren’t mirrored back externally. You’re not too much. You’re just not for everyone anymore—and that’s the cost of choosing change. You’re not broken. You’re breaking patterns. And that’s holy work. 🧠 In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 03:28 – Growth as disruption: why your change threatens their comfort 04:40 – Your self-awareness is a mirror—and not everyone’s ready to look 06:13 – Why they’re not rooting against you (even when it feels like it) 07:41 – Confirmation bias, enmeshment, and the psychology of rejection 10:02 – “You’ve changed”—and why that’s a compliment 12:08 – Social pain, limbic alarm, and why loneliness hits harder now 14:50 – The grief no one talks about when you're the transitional character 17:18 – What to do when you outgrow the group chat 18:29 – SHIFT Framework in action: How to stay steady when the crowd thins 23:05 – Boundaries ≠ barriers: letting people meet you where you are 25:18 – You’re not meant to belong everywhere—you’re meant to be you 🚨 Ready to stop parenting from old code? Join the Parental SHIFT and learn how to stop reacting from your past—and start leading from your actual self. 🛠️ Take Action: → Book a Clarity Call → Join the Parental SHIFT 📲 Stay Connected: TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace | @your_steady_space | @shifttalkingwithdavina YouTube: @asteadyspace Website: www.asteadyspace.com ✨ Join the Community Ready to take the next step in your emotional growth journey? Join the Steady Space community for exclusive content, monthly Q&As, and tools to help you stay steady and get your shift together.

51: GUEST | When Men Heal Together: Jason Lange on Embodiment, Brotherhood, and the Shift That Changes Everything

Masculinity is cracking—and that’s a good thing. In this powerful, paradigm-breaking episode, I sit down with Jason Lange, men’s embodiment coach and founder of Evolutionary.Men, to talk about what’s actually holding men back from intimacy, healing, and fully living. Spoiler: it’s not just porn, patriarchy, or pride—it’s disconnection. This isn’t a “man up” conversation—it’s a real one. About vulnerability, emotional sobriety, parenting, partnership, and why every man deserves a space to be held, witnessed, and deeply seen. We go deep into men’s groups, shadow work, fatherhood, nervous system healing, sex as regulation, gender roles, and what changes when men stop relying on their partner to meet every emotional need. If you’re a man, love a man, or are raising one—this conversation could change everything. 🧠 In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 01:32 – Jason’s story: From awkward adolescence to men’s work 13:04 – Somatic shadow work: The body as the doorway to healing 17:38 – The power of witnessing other men’s vulnerability 21:31 – The regulation power of safe, healthy masculine touch 24:44 – What shadow work really looks like—and why it heals 29:04 – How men’s groups help relationships (and reduce pressure on partners) 32:41 – Emotional safety in men’s groups vs. romantic relationships 37:52 – Praise and presence: What masculine love can sound like 47:11 – Sex as emotional regulation: Why men ‘fuck the pain away’ 52:26 – Disembodiment and how boys are taught to override feeling 56:47 – The intimacy-chemistry paradox: Why it’s not clicking 01:03:24 – Losing friendships, gaining freedom: Outgrowing old dynamics 01:10:33 – Fatherhood, testosterone, and the transition men weren’t prepped for 01:14:02 – You want more sex? Do the damn dishes. 01:17:48 – The nervous system split: What she needs vs. what he’s feeling 01:20:37 – Sandpaper and sex: Why your wife isn’t in the mood 🔗 Connect with Jason Lange: Website: evolutionary.men Instagram: @evolutionary.men ⚡ Ready to shift? Join my Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need to parent with power, presence, and peace. 🛠️ Take Action: → Join The Parental SHIFT → Book a Clarity Call 📲 Stay Connected: TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace YouTube: @asteadyspace Website: www.asteadyspace.com

50: SHIFT Rx | You Want Him To Talk? Here's Why He's Not

You say you want him to talk—but when he stays silent, what’s really going on? In this episode of SHIFT Rx, Davina unpacks the hidden wiring behind male emotional shutdown. Spoiler: he’s not emotionally unavailable—he’s emotionally unpracticed. And when you learn what’s happening inside his nervous system, you’ll stop blaming and start understanding. We’re talking conditioning, double standards, emotional safety, and how to stop flinching when softness finally shows up. If you’re loving a man, raising a boy, or trying to reconnect with a partner who won’t “just say what he feels”—this episode is required listening. ⏱️ Timestamps 00:02 – The truth behind “You want him to talk…” 00:36 – He’s not emotionally unavailable—he’s unpracticed 01:03 – What boys are taught (and what they’re punished for) 01:45 – Suicide stats, friendship gaps, and emotional load on partners 03:05 – Why “they did it to themselves” doesn’t hold up 03:32 – Silence ≠ apathy; it’s nervous system overload 04:04 – Vulnerability isn’t safe in his body, even if you’re safe 05:00 – Why we flinch when softness shows up 05:11 – What actually helps: presence, safety, clarity 06:15 – Don’t probe—pause. And model it. 07:28 – “He didn’t grow up learning to feel. You didn’t grow up knowing how to witness it.” 08:14 – You’ll both mess up. Stay anyway. 08:55 – Emotional expression isn’t feminine. It’s human. 💊 This is your SHIFT Rx. Take it with presence, patience, and the reminder that his silence isn’t rejection—it’s rehearsal. You don't have to fix it; you just have to hold it. ⚡ Ready to shift? Join the Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need. Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a Clarity Call Get in Touch: Follow Davina on social media for more resources, tips, and insights into emotional literacy and personal growth: TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace | @your_steady_space | @shifttalkingwithdavina Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs.

49: His Tears Made Me Flinch - and I Had To Face Why

We say we want men to open up… But when they do, why do we flinch? In today's solo, Davina unpacks the invisible conditioning that makes male vulnerability feel unsafe, unattractive, or overwhelming to the very people asking for it. From personal stories to societal scripts, she names the tension many women hold: the craving for emotional intimacy and the recoil when it finally arrives. This is for the women raising men, loving men, or grieving the men they've lost—and for the men trying to be something other than stoic and shut down. This isn’t about coddling. This is about courage. 03:22 – Do we flinch when he shifts? The identity crisis of feminine discomfort 04:55 – Childhood wiring: How we’re conditioned to expect stoicism from men 06:09 – Personal story: Her husband cried—and she didn’t know how to hold it 08:44 – Research: Women say we want emotion, but subconsciously reject it 10:04 – “Now I have to fix you too?” → Why male emotion triggers overwhelm 10:40 – The SHIFT Framework in action: unpacking the reaction 16:07 – Tools: What to say when he’s spiraling (and why he might not know what he needs) 19:10 – When softness shows up—do we welcome it or weaponize it? 21:05 – Soul’s friend: How emotional safety can deepen sexual and spiritual intimacy 22:31 – You want to feel him? Stay—even when it’s messy 24:29 – His tears aren’t collapse. They’re a rebuild. 💭 SHIFT Rx (Tuesday) → Want Him to Talk? Here's Why He's Not 🎙️ Guest Interview (Thursday) → Men's Coach Jason Lange joins us for a powerful conversation about men's mental health, masculinity, conditioning, and how to overcome our limitations. 🚨 Want to stop parenting from old code? Join the Parental SHIFT and learn how to stop reacting from your past—and start leading from your actual self. Take Action: Book a Clarity Call TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace | @your_steady_space | @shifttalkingwithdavina Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs. Join the Community: Ready to take the next step in your emotional growth journey? Join the Steady Space community for exclusive content, monthly Q&As, and tools to help you stay steady and get your shift together.

48: GUEST | The Sleep Episode Every Parent Needs with Allison Egidi: Bedtime Battles, Wake-ups & Pee ... Where?!

Sleep isn’t just about rest—it’s about regulation. And if your kid’s sleep is all over the place? Chances are, yours is too. In this wide-ranging, nonjudgmental, and surprisingly hilarious conversation with sleep coach Allison Egidi (yes, I pronounced it wrong last time!), we go deep into what’s really messing with your kid’s (and your) sleep—plus what you can do to fix it without flipping your entire life upside down. From nap transitions and circadian rhythms to pee cabinets and co-sleeping debates, this one is packed with real talk, compassionate strategy, and zero shame. Allison brings the science, the structure, and the soul to help you finally feel steady at bedtime… even when the whole house is feral. If you're parenting through exhaustion, guilt, or just trying to figure out if red lights actually help—this one’s for you. 🧠 In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 01:50 – Why pediatricians aren’t trained in sleep (and what that means for your family) 06:33 – The sleep–mental health connection: tantrums, rage, and regulation 13:35 – School struggles? It might be sleep—here’s how to know 18:23 – Burnt out and overwhelmed? Why structure feels impossible (and what to do instead) 23:01 – The 3-day rule that makes bedtime pushback way less brutal 27:39 – Co-sleeping vs. independent sleep: the truth without judgment 32:18 – The night-me vs. morning-me sabotage spiral—and how to shift it 43:59 – Parenting without judgment (yours or theirs) 48:41 – Nightmares, sleepwalking, grinding: what’s normal, what’s not 55:32 – Why red light wins + what your sound machine might be doing wrong 01:04:57 – Morning chaos? Use this tool to stop early wake-ups and sibling sabotage 01:12:06 – Teaching kids to value sleep (without sounding like a lecture) 🔗 Connect with Allison: Podcast: How Long Till Bedtime Website: sleepandwellnesscoach.com Instagram: @sleepandwellnesscoach ⚡ Ready to shift? Join my Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need. Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a Clarity Call TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs.

47: SHIFT Rx | Sleep Isn't a Luxury, It's Our Nervous System's Non-Negotiable

Let’s cut the bullshit: you don’t need another sleep tracker. You need to stop setting tomorrow-you up to fail because tonight-you is avoiding her feelings. This is a spicy, straight-up voice note to the part of you that knows better but still stays up late watching Bravo and housing Sour Patch Kids (hi, same). This isn’t about shame. It’s about regulation, rhythm, and remembering who you are when you’re actually rested. 00:02 – Sleep isn’t a luxury—it’s your nervous system’s non-negotiable 00:45 – Why we’re blaming the engine when we’re the driver 01:10 – We are plants: why your body craves rhythm, not chaos 01:35 – You know better. Here’s why that hasn’t changed behavior 02:30 – The power of getting away with it… and why that’s self-abandonment 03:00 – When we overcorrect: the cycle of 3 good nights → 10 trash ones 04:00 – Micro-shifts that actually stick: brush your teeth, dim the lights 05:50 – What tomorrow-you needs from you tonight 06:35 – Overachieving while sleep-deprived: how we glamorize dysfunction 07:10 – Anchor points for routines that don’t suck 07:45 – SHIFT Rx = Choosing regulation > the illusion of rebellion 08:15 – Without rest, peace isn’t possible. And your body wants peace 💊 This is your SHIFT Rx. Take it with curiosity, compassion, and the knowing that you've already suffered enough. You get to put it down now. ⚡ Ready to shift? Join the Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need. Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a Clarity Call Get in Touch: Follow Davina on social media for more resources, tips, and insights into emotional literacy and personal growth: TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace | @your_steady_space | @shifttalkingwithdavina Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs.

46: Why I Stay Up Late Even Though I Know Better

aka: The Identity Crisis Hiding in Your Sleep Schedule You’re not bad at routines. You’re starving for yourself. This episode is a raw, real-time reflection on why we trade sleep for slivers of freedom—and what it costs us as parents, partners, and people trying to feel like ourselves again. We’re talking sleep sabotage, revenge bedtime procrastination, and the emotional tug-of-war between being responsible and being free. 00:02 – Why this episode’s late & what that teaches about presence vs. planning 01:30 – The truth: I teach regulation but still sabotage my own sleep 03:40 – What sleep debt actually does to your emotional regulation 04:20 – The 11PM me vs. the real me—chaos, cravings, and content plans 05:45 – Why bedtime feels like the last taste of freedom 06:40 – What I’m really grieving when I avoid sleep 07:50 – Journal of Behavioral Sleep Medicine: revenge bedtime defined 08:40 – Self-awareness: what’s the real need behind the delay? 09:38 – Reframing routines: not losing the night, but winning the morning 10:50 – Fortitude = Choosing rest as resistance 11:50 – Transformation: rewriting the script of what rest means 12:50 – Harvard Med stat: sleep loss reduces emotion recognition by 30% 💭 SHIFT Rx (Tuesday) → Sleep isn't a luxury; it's our nervous system's non-negotiable 🎙️ Guest Interview (Thursday) → Pediatric Sleep Coach Allison Egidi joins us for a powerful conversation about our little ones' sleep habits 🚨 Want to stop parenting from old code? Join the Parental SHIFT and learn how to stop reacting from your past—and start leading from your actual self. Take Action: Book a Clarity Call TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace | @your_steady_space | @shifttalkingwithdavina Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs. Join the Community: Ready to take the next step in your emotional growth journey? Join the Steady Space community for exclusive content, monthly Q&As, and tools to help you stay steady and get your shift together.

45: GUEST | Parenting, Pain, and Progress: Rewriting the Rules with Leslie Lindsey Davis

This one’s a mic-drop moment from start to finish. In this soul-stretching conversation, I sit down with Leslie Lindsey Davis—a truth-teller, author, and certified breaker of generational patterns. Together, we talk perfectionism, people-pleasing, imposter syndrome, addiction, emotional literacy, parenting, marriage, and why self-forgiveness isn’t weakness—it’s necessary. We go deep into the practice of written self-conversations, how to build self-trust when the old you wants to run the show, and how to shift without shame—even when the change feels terrifying. Leslie shares the real reason many of us feel stuck, how to respond to emotional discomfort with curiosity (not control), and what it looks like to raise children differently when you weren’t raised with that same blueprint. Whether you’ve struggled with being “the strong one,” loving someone through addiction, or feeling like your best isn’t ever quite enough—this episode will leave you seen, softened, and steady. 🔥 In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 00:04 – Editing control vs. letting go of perfectionism 03:15 – Childhood moments that shaped our “performer” identity 06:54 – The truth about being “the easy kid” and how it warps self-worth 12:26 – How self-talk teaches the world how to treat us 17:45 – From people-pleasing to boundaries: the shift that changes everything 22:36 – How written conversations can quiet your inner chaos 31:00 – The hardest part of healing with your partner (and doing it anyway) 44:10 – What to do instead of fixing people you love 47:00 – Why we don’t celebrate progress—but we should 54:15 – “Don’t Shoot the Dog”: Using positive reinforcement to shift behavior 58:03 – Emotional literacy at 14 months old? Leslie’s granddaughter is proof 1:02:00 – Stop labeling yourself. Start understanding your patterns. 1:15:00 – The lie that keeps you stuck: “He’s the problem. I’m the good one.” 1:21:00 – How to be brutally honest with yourself and finally shift 🔗 Connect with Leslie: Website: youcanteatlove.com Book: You Can’t Eat Love Coming Soon: Learning to Trust Your Emotions: What Color Is My Shirt? ⚡ Ready to shift? Join my Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need. Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a Clarity Call TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs.

44: SHIFT Rx | I Didn't Know How to Forgive Myself Until I Learned This

You don’t have to suffer to prove you’ve changed. This week’s SHIFT Rx tackles the emotional toll of self-punishment—and why withholding forgiveness doesn’t make you strong, it just keeps you stuck. We’re flipping the script on what it really means to move forward after a mistake, especially if you’ve been conditioned to believe that grace has to be earned through shame, regret, and emotional isolation. Inside this short but seismic episode, we break down: Why you delay forgiving yourself (and how that’s not your fault) How nervous system regulation rewires shame-based behavior The physiological power of self-compassion (hello, heart rate variability) Practical ways to extend grace without losing accountability A fire SHIFT Framework to move from penance to personal power If you’ve ever felt like you needed to bleed before you could heal, this one’s for you. 🧠 This isn’t therapy. This is neurological repair. 🎧 In this episode: 00:34 – Why we equate accountability with punishment 01:27 – The inner critic vs. the inner caregiver 02:40 – How to stop ruminating and start repairing 05:14 – What real self-forgiveness requires 07:02 – Stats: What shame does to our brain and body 08:33 – Heart rate variability and emotional regulation 10:42 – The truth: Grace isn’t optional—it’s your body’s medicine 12:02 – SHIFT Framework for radical self-forgiveness 💊 This is your SHIFT Rx. Take it with curiosity, compassion, and the knowing that you've already suffered enough. You get to put it down now. ⚡ Ready to shift? Join the Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need. Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a Clarity Call Get in Touch: Follow Davina on social media for more resources, tips, and insights into emotional literacy and personal growth: TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace | @your_steady_space | @shifttalkingwithdavina Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs.

43: The Power of Subconscious Programming & How to Rewire It

You aren’t broken. You’re on autopilot. Up to 97% of your day is driven by subconscious patterns. And guess what? Those patterns didn’t start with you—but they’re absolutely affecting how you parent, how you speak to yourself, and how you show up under pressure. In this episode, we’re naming what’s actually behind your spirals, shutdowns, and snap moments—and why it’s not a lack of love, but a brain that’s been running the same script since you were seven. 💥 The good news? That script is editable. This is your crash course in mental reprogramming, emotional patterning, and how to consciously take back control of your reactions—using the SHIFT framework. 🔍 In This Episode, You'll Learn: Why up to 97% of your behavior is unconscious—and how to shift that What it really means to be on autopilot How to spot the inner voice that’s not yours (but still runs the show) The science behind your thought loops, self-talk, and stress spirals How to talk back to your programming and rewrite your response How to use the SHIFT framework to rewire your day-to-day The role of confirmation bias in keeping you stuck Why it’s not your fault—but still your responsibility 💭 SHIFT Rx (Tuesday) → “We only deserve grace when we’ve suffered enough”: busting that lie wide open. 🎙️ Guest Interview (Thursday) → Therapist Leslie Lindsey Davis joins us for a powerful conversation on identity, reparenting, and emotional leadership. 🚨 Want to stop parenting from old code? Join the Parental SHIFT and learn how to stop reacting from your past—and start leading from your actual self. Take Action: Book a Clarity Call TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace | @your_steady_space | @shifttalkingwithdavina Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs. Join the Community: Ready to take the next step in your emotional growth journey? Join the Steady Space community for exclusive content, monthly Q&As, and tools to help you stay steady and get your shift together.

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