SHIFT Talking™

by Davina Hehn

Mental Health Relationships

42: GUEST | Attachment Styles Aren't Personality Types - They're Survival Strategies with Bev Mitelman, M.A.

In this episode, we’re talking SHIFT with Bev Mitelman, M.A., a therapist who doesn’t just teach attachment theory—she lived it, rewired it, and now helps others do the same. Together, we crack open how our earliest emotional environments shape the way we love, fight, flinch, chase, ghost, people-please, overfunction, or run like hell. We’re talking deep nervous system programming that runs 97% of our choices—and how to finally bring that shit into conscious awareness. This isn’t about labels. It’s about liberation. We go all in: anxious partners, avoidant ghosts, Disney princess myths, dopamine addiction, core wounds, subconscious survival scripts—and the long-haul work of healing your operating system without burning your life down in the process. If you've ever wondered: Why you're the one always chasing Why healthy feels boring Why conflict shuts you down or fires you up Or whether you’ve already screwed up your kid's attachment... This one’s for you. And no—you're not too far gone. You’ll hear: 00:00 Meet Bev: Therapist, speaker, and secure AF 06:00 WTF is attachment, really? 10:45 Autopilot vs. updated operating systems 14:30 You don’t “fix” it once—you practice it forever 20:00 What anxious attachment actually looks like 28:00 Secure parenting isn’t perfection—it’s predictability 34:40 Why so many “butterflies” are actually red flags 46:10 Addicted to chaos: how drama mimics dopamine 54:00 What healing in partnership really sounds like 01:03:00 The anxious-avoidant trap (and how to break it) 01:15:00 What disorganized attachment really feels like 01:25:00 Undoing the guilt: “Did I ruin my kid?” This episode is full of truth, tools, and total permission to rewrite your story. Whether you’re untangling your marriage, making peace with your past, or just figuring out how the hell to not pass it on—hit play. 🎧 Listen. Save. Share with the parent, partner, or person who needs to hear they are not broken—just beautifully unfinished. ⚡ Ready to shift? Join my Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need. Learn More About Bev Mitelman & Securely Loved Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a Clarity Call TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs.

41: SHIFT Rx | You’re Not Stuck with Your Attachment Style

SHIFT Rx: You’re Not Stuck with Your Attachment Style Think your attachment style defines your relationships forever? Think again. In this week’s SHIFT Rx, I'm breaking down the truth about attachment styles—and how they’re not life sentences, they’re survival strategies. You’ll learn why these patterns formed, how they show up in relationships, and most importantly, how to shift them through nervous system regulation, emotional awareness, and intentional change. Whether you struggle with anxious attachment, avoidant shutdowns, or a constant push-pull cycle, this episode gives you a map to interrupt those patterns and build new ones. You’ll walk away with practical tools from the SHIFT framework to help you reconnect with yourself, regulate your reactions, and create healthier relationship dynamics. This isn’t therapy. This is transformation. In this episode: 00:34 – Understanding attachment styles as adaptive patterns 01:50 – The difference between explanation vs. excuse 03:20 – How language shapes your healing (or keeps you stuck) 04:45 – Your nervous system can relearn safety 06:00 – Applying the SHIFT Framework to change old patterns 09:00 – Micro-moves that interrupt anxious or avoidant cycles 09:45 – Final takeaway: You are not the child who needed this—you’re the adult who can choose different 🔎 Keywords: attachment styles, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, relationship patterns, emotional regulation, nervous system healing, trauma-informed coaching, self-awareness, personal growth, SHIFT framework 🎧 Subscribe to SHIFT Talking for weekly mental health coaching, emotional growth strategies, and real talk about becoming the transitional character in your family. 💊 This is your SHIFT Rx. Take it with curiosity, accountability, and the belief that you can outgrow the patterns that once protected you. ⚡ Ready to shift? Join the Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need. Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a Clarity Call Get in Touch: Follow Davina on social media for more resources, tips, and insights into emotional literacy and personal growth: TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace | @your_steady_space | @shifttalkingwithdavina Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs.

40: What I Wish I Knew About Attachment Style Before I Became A Parent (& Happy Mother's Day!)

You aren't broken. You've been wired—long before you had a choice in the matter. And now? You’re likely parenting from that same wiring, wondering why it feels so damn hard to stay steady. This episode is about naming what actually drives our reactions as parents—and why it’s not a lack of love, but unhealed attachment wounds. If you’ve ever wondered why you spiral, shut down, smother, or second-guess yourself constantly, this one’s going to hit home. It’s not just you. It’s your wiring. And the best news? Patterns are programmable. This is your crash course on attachment, parenting, and what it means to rewire in real time—and it sets the stage for an incredible conversation coming Thursday with therapist and attachment specialist Bev Mitelman. Don’t miss it. In this episode, we talk SHIFT about: 00:01 → Welcome to SHIFT Talking: The Mother's Day episode you didn’t know you needed 01:32 → What if your parenting struggles aren’t personal—they’re patterned? 03:50 → Understanding insecure attachment (and why nearly half of us have it) 05:35 → Anxious, avoidant, disorganized: How each style impacts your kids 07:12 → Generational coding: You’re not just parenting—you’re reliving your childhood 10:20 → The stress, the shame, the science: Cortisol and insecure connection 13:25 → It’s not your fault—but it is your responsibility 15:52 → The SHIFT framework: A steady path to rewiring your reactions 19:57 → Coming Thursday: Attachment healing with therapist Bev Mitelman Join the Parental SHIFT if you’re ready to stop parenting from a trauma loop—and start leading from a steady, secure core. Take Action: Book a Clarity Call TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace | @your_steady_space | @shifttalkingwithdavina Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs. Join the Community: Ready to take the next step in your emotional growth journey? Join the Steady Space community for exclusive content, monthly Q&As, and tools to help you stay steady and get your shift together.

39: GUEST | Kayce Hodos on Postpartum, Identity Loss, and Giving Moms Permission to Hate the Hard Parts

In this episode, we’re talking SHIFT with therapist Kayce Hodos—an expert in perinatal mental health and someone who’s deeply unafraid to tell the truth about motherhood. Together, we dismantle the myths that keep parents isolated: the pressure to feel instant love, the shame of postpartum identity loss, the fantasy that becoming a parent will heal your wounds instead of exposing them. Kayce opens up about her own postpartum experience, what she wishes she had known, and how the system continues to fail parents (especially moms) in their most vulnerable moments. We talk depression, rage, resentment, marriage, missed expectations, and the raw, invisible grief of becoming someone new. This isn’t about fear-mongering—it’s about giving parents informed consent on what’s actually ahead. This one’s honest, gutting, and empowering as hell. If you’re a parent, a partner, or someone who wants to do better by the people raising the next generation… hit play. You’ll hear: 00:00 Meet Kayce Hodos: therapist, mom, and truth-teller 02:30 The postpartum experience no one warned us about 07:10 Identity crisis: “I didn’t know who I was anymore” 14:00 Breastfeeding, blood, and being blindsided by motherhood 24:10 Why moms feel failed—and how society gaslights their pain 31:00 When support comes too late (and what that costs us) 38:00 Marital conflict, identity death, and survival mode 56:15 The shit no one says—but everyone feels 01:01:00 Advice for partners who want to support struggling moms 01:04:30 Pride, painkillers, and why asking for help feels so damn hard This one’s not about judgment—it’s about truth. Motherhood doesn’t fix you. It reveals you. If you’ve ever felt like you're unraveling in a role that was supposed to make you whole… this episode is for you. 🎧 Listen. Share. And send this to someone who deserves to hear they’re not failing—they’re just feeling the full truth of it all. ⚡ Ready to shift? Join my Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need. Learn More About Kayce Hodos Maternal Mental Health Hotline Champions: 1-833-TLC-MAMA MMHHC Website Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a Clarity Call TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs.

38: SHIFT Rx | Motherhood Doesn't Fix You, It Exposes You

This SHIFT Rx is for the parents, especially the moms, feeling like they're drowning in roles they thought would save them. We were sold the story that motherhood would give us purpose. Completion. Healing. But here's the truth: Motherhood doesn’t fix you. It exposes you. It doesn’t patch up your wounds—it peels back the layers and shows you exactly where the work is. This one’s not about judgment. It’s about naming the shift—the identity reckoning, the emotional rawness, the exhaustion, the grief, the guilt—and giving you a map to rebuild yourself inside it. Press play. Stay steady. And remember: you're not broken. You're becoming. You’ll hear: 🔥 Why becoming a parent doesn’t erase your trauma—it reveals it 🔥 The disorientation of realizing you’ve lost your sense of self 🔥 Micro acts of reclamation to help you feel you again 🔥 How to mother yourself while mothering others 🔥 A SHIFT lens breakdown to help you come back home to you Chapters 00:34 Why we thought motherhood would “complete” us 01:45 The truth about how parenting exposes old wounds 03:30 What to do when you feel lost inside the role 05:22 Tiny acts that rebuild self-trust and self-identity 06:45 The SHIFT Framework for finding yourself again 08:30 You don’t have to wait until they’re grown—start now 09:45 Final truth: It’s on you… and that’s where the power is 🩺 This is your SHIFT Rx. Take it with radical honesty, gentle self-respect, and the courage to mother the one person who’s been neglected far too long: you. 🎧 Listen, breathe, and send this to the mom who thinks she’s alone (spoiler: tell her she's not!) ⚡ Ready to shift? Join the Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need. Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a PREP Call Become a STEADY Friend Get in Touch: Follow Davina on social media for more resources, tips, and insights into emotional literacy and personal growth: TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace | @your_steady_space | @shifttalkingwithdavina Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs.

37: Mother's Day Share: When You Love Your Kids But Hate Motherhood

You can love your kids fiercely and still fantasize about disappearing. You can be obsessed with their little faces and still feel like motherhood robbed you of your own. You can be the soft place they land—and still grieve the you who existed before the role took over. This episode isn’t about bashing motherhood. It’s about naming the parts of it no one talks about—so you can stop thinking you’re the only one drowning in love, guilt, rage, and grief all at once. This isn’t a hot take. It’s a love letter to the moms who feel like they’re faking it, surviving it, or silently screaming through it. You’re not alone. You’re not broken. And you sure as hell don’t have to do this the hard way. 00:01 → Welcome to SHIFT Talking: The Mother's Day episode you didn’t know you needed 01:32 → The guilt, the rage, the whiplash: When you love your kids but hate the job 03:50 → These aren’t just feelings—they’re red flags and sirens. Let’s talk data. 05:35 → You can grieve your old life and love the hell out of your kids 07:12 → What nearly broke me—and what finally helped me put it back together 10:20 → Why I created the Parental SHIFT (and why I’m not shutting up about it) 13:25 → You don’t have to suffer to be worthy. Period. 15:52 → The SHIFT framework: Let’s rebuild your sense of self, one steady shift at a time 19:57 → Final truth: Wanting your own life back doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you ready. Join the Parental SHIFT if you’re ready to reclaim yourself from the role that was never meant to define all of you. Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a PREP Call Become a STEADY Friend Get in Touch: Follow Davina on social media for more resources, tips, and insights into emotional literacy and personal growth: TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace | @your_steady_space | @shifttalkingwithdavina Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs. Join the Community: Ready to take the next step in your emotional growth journey? Join the Steady Space community for exclusive content, monthly Q&As, and tools to help you stay steady and get your shift together.

36: GUEST | Dr. Bruce Chalmer & the "Oh Sh*t" Moment in Healing

In this episode, we’re talking SHIFT with Dr. Bruce Chalmer—a seasoned couples therapist with decades of insight. We get into the real stuff: the 'oh shit' moments that wake people up in therapy, the messiness of faith and forgiveness, and why labeling someone a narcissist might be doing more harm than good. Bruce shares how vulnerability, curiosity, and a little discomfort are actually the point in healing work—and why genuine connection can’t be boxed into categories or quick fixes. We talk telehealth (spoiler: it’s not killing therapy), placebo effects, stats vs. soul, and why the goal isn’t always resolution — it’s growth. This one’s a blend of clinical wisdom and big-hearted truth. For anyone navigating relationships, therapy, or just trying to show up more fully—you’re gonna want to hit play. You’ll hear: 🔥 Self-disclosure and why your therapist might (and maybe should) get a little persona 🔥 The trap of diagnosis-driven treatment 🔥 Why parenting might be the ultimate test of your emotional work 🔥 The power of modeling instead of preaching 🔥 The dance between disclosure, safety, and intimacy 🔥 And yes... we touch on betrayal, repair, and what it really takes to stay 00:00 Introduction to Bruce Chalmer and His Work 06:05 Therapeutic Approaches and Boundaries 14:56 The Essence of Couples Therapy in Seven Words 17:55 Understanding the 'Oh Shit' Moment 21:14 The Role of Technology in Therapy 53:15 The Dangers of Hardening Categories in Therapy 01:20:55 Navigating Parenting Challenges, Character Defects, Betrayal and Forgiveness ⚡ Ready to shift? Join my Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need. Learn More About Dr. Bruce Chalmer: Couples Therapy in 7 Words & His Website Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a PREP Call Become a STEADY Friend Get in Touch: Follow Davina on social media for more resources, tips, and insights into emotional literacy and personal growth: TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs.

35: GUEST | Everything You Need to Know About Therapy & Coaching with Lindsey Paoli

In this episode, I sit down with Lindsey Paoli—licensed therapist (x2 incoming), coach, and founder of the Rewire Mastermind—for a convo about the real differences between therapy and coaching, and how to get help without getting screwed. We unpack everything from licensing and insurance BS to the dangers of toxic positivity and performative wellness. If you’ve ever wondered whether you need a therapist or a coach (or if you’re a provider figuring out your own path) this one’s for you. 🎧 Press play. Get steady. Keep shifting. 05:42 How we each found (and left) the therapy path 11:01 Neurodivergence, ADHD, and hormone-informed mental health 16:35 Coaching vs. therapy: ethics, licensing, and naming your damn title 20:20 The price of licensure and why so many therapists bail 24:05 Why some grad schools ignore coaching entirely 29:00 Insurance, diagnoses, and the permanent medical record no one talks about 34:15 Why many therapists are exhausted (and underpaid) 40:10 Vetting your coach—and why most trauma coaches scare us 47:00 Why “mindset” isn’t enough 52:20 Codependency in therapy, over-texting, and keeping clients too long 58:00 Family systems, EMDR, and why therapy isn't one-size-fits-all Get in Touch with Lindsey Paoli: Instagram: @mindperformancetherapist https://www.lindseypaoli.com/⚡ Ready to shift? Join the FREE 30-day trial of my Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need.Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a free PREP CallGet in Touch: Follow Davina on social media for more resources, tips, and insights into emotional literacy and personal growth:TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs.

34: SHIFT Rx | Why "Doing The Work" Doesn't Always Feel Good (Spoiler Alert: It's Not Supposed to)

This SHIFT Rx hits you with the truth most people don’t want to admit: Healing doesn’t always feel good. In fact, real healing often feels worse before it feels better. Yup. That discomfort you’re feeling? That loneliness? That questioning of everything you thought you knew? That’s not failure. That’s proof you're actually growing. This episode will shift the way you think about personal growth—from something that’s supposed to feel magical all the time to something that's gritty, real, and wildly worth it. We’re not sugarcoating healing around here. We’re giving you the real map so you don’t get lost when the work gets hard. Press play. Get steady. Keep shifting. You’ll hear: 🔥 Why grief, loneliness, and self-doubt are signs of progress—not problems 🔥 How healing forces you to outgrow old environments and patterns 🔥 Why choosing yourself will make others uncomfortable (and why that's okay) 🔥 The liberation waiting on the other side of the discomfort Chapters 00:32 8 reasons healing gets harder before it gets easier 02:23 Why choosing yourself shifts everything around you 03:15 Growth is destabilizing before it’s liberating 04:50 The beauty of what’s on the other side of the struggle 07:06 How healing changes your energy, your relationships, and your self-trust 09:27 Final truths: Short-term pain, long-term power 🩺 This is your SHIFT Rx. Take it with patience, truth, and a fierce loyalty to your future self. 🎧 Listen, breathe, and send this to that friend who thinks they’re "failing" at healing because it hurts. ⚡ Ready to shift? Join the Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need. Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a PREP Call Become a STEADY Friend Get in Touch: Follow Davina on social media for more resources, tips, and insights into emotional literacy and personal growth: TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace | @your_steady_space | @shifttalkingwithdavina Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs.

33: SHIFT Rx | Coach vs Therapy: How to Choose the Right Help for You

This SHIFT Rx hits you with the truth most people never get taught: Knowing whether you need a coach or a therapist can change your entire path. Yup. That uncertainty you’re feeling? That’s your intuition telling you: "I’m ready to grow. I just need the right guide." This episode will shift the way you think about getting help—from something shameful to something strategic. We’re not gatekeeping healing around here. We’re clearing the fog so you can move, grow, and finally pick support that actually fits where you're headed. This is for anyone who’s ever said: "Maybe I’m not struggling badly enough to get help." "I don’t know if I need therapy or if coaching would be better." "What if I pick the wrong person and waste my time?" Press play. Get clarity. Choose you. You’ll hear: 🔥 The real difference between therapy and coaching (no bs, just facts) 🔥 Red flags and green flags for finding the right fit 🔥 Why not having a diagnosis doesn't mean you don't deserve help 🔥 How coaching and therapy actually work (and where they don’t overlap) 🔥 Why your healing is valid—no matter where you start 🩺 This is your SHIFT Rx. Take it with courage, clarity, and a commitment to your damn self. 🎧 Listen, breathe, and send this to the friend who’s been doubting whether they're "worthy" of healing. Chapters: 00:00Introduction to Coaching vs. Therapy 01:28Understanding Therapy: Pros and Cons 04:40Exploring Coaching: Pros and Cons 05:52What Gets Addressed: Therapy vs. Coaching 08:01Identifying Red Flags in Therapy and Coaching 11:44Choosing the Right Support: Final Thoughts ⚡ Ready to shift? Join the FREE 30-day trial of my Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need. Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a PREP Call Become a STEADY Friend Get in Touch: Follow Davina on social media for more resources, tips, and insights into emotional literacy and personal growth: TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace | @your_steady_space | @shifttalkingwithdavina Youtube: @asteadyspace Visit www.asteadyspace.com for more information about coaching services and programs.

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