SHIFT Talking™

by Davina Hehn

Mental Health Relationships

62: GUEST | Biohacking Your Mind & Manifesting Your Life with Dr. Cali Estes

Ever wonder why traditional fixes never seem to fix the real problem? This week, I sat down with Dr. Cali Estes, addiction specialist, coach, and biohacking pioneer, who has spent nearly three decades helping people break cycles of overwhelm, addiction, and burnout by addressing the real why behind their struggles. From Fen-Phen nearly ending her life in the ’90s, to building six companies on manifestation and grit, to now leading programs at the intersection of biohacking, sobriety, and mindset reprogramming, Cali is proof that it’s not about fitting yourself into the box; it’s about breaking the box entirely. We went deep on what depression really is (and isn’t), why meds aren’t always the answer, the power of universal laws, and how to rewire self-talk to create the life you actually want. ⏱️ In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 00:55 – Cali’s personal story of addiction, recovery, and near-death survival 02:00 – What biohacking really means (and why it’s not just TikTok hype) 05:30 – The overwhelm trap: why parents, professionals, and kids get stuck in cycles 09:20 – Creative solutions to stress: carpooling, meal sharing, tiny pivots that shift everything 12:00 – The 3-step manifestation process: mind, heart, action 18:30 – From therapy to coaching: why accountability + law of attraction work faster 23:00 – Real-world manifestation wins (business, tours, and beyond) 28:00 – Rejection as protection: trusting the universe’s redirection 35:00 – Setting boundaries when family/friends don’t get your growth 39:30 – The science behind belief: Harvard ice bath + rabbit studies 45:00 – Self-talk, self-acceptance, and forgiving past versions of yourself 52:00 – Cali’s workbook + practical exercises for clearing, shifting, and manifesting 💛 Connect with Dr. Kelly Estes 📘 Grab the workbook: UnpauseYourLife.com 📚 Find all her books: Dr. Kelly Estes on Amazon 🌐 Learn more: Sobriety: SoberOnDemand.com Certification: TheAddictionsAcademy.com 📲 Follow her on Instagram, TikTok & Facebook: [@drkellyestes]

61: GUEST | How to Stop Over-Functioning and Start Living with Barb Nangle

If you’ve ever felt like your worth depended on what you did for others, this episode will hit you straight in the nervous system. I sit down with Barb Nangle, boundaries coach, podcast host, and recovery warrior for a deep conversation about how compulsive people-pleasing, codependency, and religious conditioning shaped her life… until she reclaimed it. We talk candidly about Barb’s decades in Christian spaces, why the church gave her identity but stole her agency, and how 12-step recovery helped her heal from both addiction and approval-seeking. If you’ve been navigating burnout, over-functioning, or secretly resenting the people you’re always rescuing, this is your episode. Boundaries. Truth-telling. Recovery. Spiritual reclamation. We’re talking SHIFT. ⏱️ In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 00:01 – From addiction to awakening: Barb’s path to recovery 01:56 – What compulsive people-pleasing actually is—and why it’s not selfless 03:17 – Religious trauma, patriarchy, and losing your Self in service 06:34 – Why boundaries are the antidote to burnout 08:42 – The fawn response: when fear shows up as niceness 11:50 – How women are groomed to be over-functioners 14:26 – Church, shame, and the myth of humility 18:10 – How Barb untangled worth from performance 21:23 – 12-step recovery as a path to nervous system regulation 24:50 – The guilt of saying no—and why it’s a sign of growth 27:11 – Healing doesn’t mean you stop caring—it means you stop bleeding 29:38 – Why emotional honesty isn’t optional in leadership 33:05 – From codependent to coach: Barb’s mission now 37:44 – Cultivating healthy selfishness and relational integrity 40:00 – What to do when people don’t like your boundaries 44:17 – The difference between being needed and being whole 48:51 – Self-trust, self-worth, and the return to your truest self 💛 Connect with Barb Nangle 🎧 Listen to her podcast: Fragmented to Whole 🌐 Work with Barb: https://www.f2w.co 📲 Follow on Instagram: @higherpowercoaching 🎧 Loved this episode? Join The SHIFT and rediscover yourself—not just your role as a parent. Book a Clarity Call with Davina to explore 1:1 coaching. Stay connected on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok.

60: GUEST | How to Save Your Marriage Before It's Too Late with Shellie R. Warren

What if the real fairy tale starts after the wedding? In this raw, hilarious, and deeply intimate episode, I sit down with Shellie R. Warren, three-time author, marriage life coach, and doula, for a conversation that unpacks what nobody’s telling you about marriage, friendship, sex, and spiritual growth. From surviving infidelity and rewriting vows, to understanding your body, your partner, and the post-baby version of you, Shellie drops gems like a damn oracle. Together, she and I explore how marriage is built, not just vowed into existence, and why friendship might be your most underrated sex organ. (Yep, we said it.) This one is not just an episode, it’s a masterclass in intimacy, integrity, and surviving real life together. ⏱️ In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 00:01 – Why couples wait too long for help and what to do instead 01:54 – The “oil change” model of marriage maintenance 03:52 – Infidelity, forgiveness, and surviving crisis with friendship as your anchor 06:00 – Why most premarital counseling is trash and what needs to change 07:10 – The real reason people get divorced (hint: it’s not the big stuff) 08:47 – Adult intimacy, postpartum sex, and the grief of “sharing your body” 13:37 – Choose a partner who improves you, not changes you 17:48 – The origin of engagement rings and other capitalist romance lies 21:04 – Childhood wounds, spiritual intimacy, and what we inherit 23:40 – Spit, foreplay, and the sex talk nobody had with you 28:15 – Postpartum identity, consent, and navigating dry seasons 31:53 – Redefining marriage after suicidal crisis: Davina’s personal story 34:24 – Why we marry broken and what it means to heal in relationship 39:43 – Soulmates, sobriety, and rewriting the narrative of love 43:19 – When self-expression feels like rebellion, then becomes liberation 52:02 – Suicide, substance abuse, and the sacred nuance of staying 57:48 – Judaism, interfaith values, and raising kids in modern families 01:13:23 – Sex as spiritual practice, abstinence before marriage, and body counts 01:20:25 – How to actually prioritize sex in a busy, committed marriage 01:29:26 – Culture, censorship, and preserving truth for the next generation 💛 Connect with Shellie R. Warren at: issnosipho@gmail.com 🗣️ Cultural note: "Nosipho" (Zulu) means “God’s blessing to those she's around”, and after this episode, you’ll get why. 🎧 Loved this episode? Join The SHIFT and finally feel supported in your transformation, not just your parenting. Book a Clarity Call with me to explore coaching options. Stay connected on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok.

59: GUEST | From Numbing to Nourishing: Breaking Free from Habits That Hurt with Anna Shilina

What if the habits you think are “healthy” are actually keeping you stuck? In this intimate and electrifying conversation, Davina sits down with Habit Freedom author and human behavior specialist Anna Shilina to unpack how trauma shows up in productivity, drinking, “earning” sugar binges, and losing trust in ourselves. From growing up in an immigrant household and escaping into books, to spiraling into alcohol and reclaiming her light, Anna shares the five core relationships that shape our habits and our healing. If you've ever said “I deserve this” right before self-sabotage or struggled to turn awareness into action, this episode is your wake-up call. We’re talking identity, intergenerational healing, inner child reparenting, and how to rewire your relationship with discomfort, the present moment, and yourself. ⏱️ In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 00:04 – From childhood survival to academic addiction 02:00 – The real cost of numbing, even when it looks “productive” 04:48 – Alcohol as a coping strategy and the slow unraveling of self-trust 10:00 – Growing up with personal development (and what it hid) 17:45 – The lonely middle between rock bottom and healing 26:30 – The illusion of “deserving” what harms us 33:40 – Emotional regulation, self-sabotage, and why “better” feels like losing 45:00 – The five relationships of Habit Freedom (discomfort, light, now, self, others) 51:00 – How microdosing numbness robs us of our potential 59:00 – Inner child work and breaking inherited patterns 1:06:00 – Anger, sadness, and why parenting is the ultimate trigger and teacher 1:12:00 – SHIFTing from reactive parenting to relational healing 📲 Connect with Anna Shilina 📘 Habit Freedom – Available in digital & audio: habitfreedom.com 💬 DM her on Instagram: @annashilina 💡 Join the Habit Freedom Mastermind ⚡ Ready to shift? Join my SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need to lead with power, presence, and peace. 🛠️ Take Action: → Join The SHIFT → Book a Clarity Call 📲 Stay Connected: TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace YouTube: @asteadyspace Website: www.asteadyspace.com

58: GUEST | Toxic Divorce, Legal Gaslighting & Staying Steady in Chaos with Lisa Johnson

What happens when the legal system becomes another layer of abuse? In this fierce and validating conversation, Davina sits down with Lisa Johnson, co-founder of Been There Got Out, to talk about the devastating realities of toxic relationships, high-conflict divorce, and the legal gaslighting survivors face when they try to break free. Lisa’s mission is personal—and practical. She shares how Been There Got Out equips survivors to protect themselves, document their abuse, navigate the courts, and stay sane through systems designed to destabilize. This isn’t just about emotional abuse—it’s about the intersection of trauma, parenting, the law, and power. Whether you’re in it, through it, or supporting someone who is, this episode will leave you feeling seen, informed, and ready to advocate. 🔍 In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 03:44 – Client success story: from courtroom survivor to attorney for others 05:15 – Why the family court system retraumatizes survivors 07:28 – What makes a relationship “high conflict” (and who actually causes it) 10:33 – Legal gaslighting, coercive control, and the exhaustion of proof 13:22 – Lisa’s journey from survivor to system disruptor 16:10 – Tips for documenting abuse and preparing for court 19:45 – The emotional whiplash of parenting with a toxic ex 22:50 – How Been There Got Out helps clients stay steady through chaos 26:16 – The importance of peer support when the professionals don’t get it 29:38 – Why healing begins with being believed 32:44 – When friends and therapists miss the red flags 36:10 – The sanity-saving power of shared language and community 38:25 – What Lisa wishes every survivor knew about the “other side” 41:12 – How to find and follow Lisa + Been There Got Out 44:05 – Davina shares her own secondhand witness story 46:30 – Future collabs, podcast swaps, and staying loud together 🧠 Connect with Lisa + Been There Got Out 🌐 Website 📘 Book — Toxic Relationships, High Conflict Divorce & How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances 📲 Instagram 🎧 Podcast 📺 YouTube Channel 📩 lisa@beentheregotout.com 💥 The System Is Hard. You Don’t Have To Do It Alone. If you’re navigating toxic coparenting, legal trauma, or emotional recovery, SHIFT is here for you. You don’t need permission to reclaim your voice. 🔥 Join the SHIFT: asteadyspace.com/parental-shift 📞 Book a Clarity Call: asteadyspace.com/clarity 💬 Follow the journey: @asteadyspace

57: GUEST | Life Without a Tie: Reinvention, Intuition & the Power of Letting Go with Ray Martin

Mastering the Mirror: Courage, Growth, and Emotional Truth with Ray Martin What if your biggest breakthrough was hiding inside your hardest truth? In this bold, soul-stretching conversation, Davina sits down with Ray Martin—an award-winning business leader, executive coach, and author of Life Without a Tie—to unpack the raw, beautiful unraveling that happens when we finally stop performing and start being. Ray’s story isn’t one of overnight success or easy transformation. It’s a story of breakdown, burnout, and breakthrough. From the high-flying corporate world to deep inner reckoning, he shares what it took to let go of identity, embrace emotional depth, and redefine success on his terms. If you’ve ever felt like you're living someone else's life—or like your growth has outpaced your surroundings—this episode is going to hit home. This is about courage. Self-honesty. And the sacred discomfort that comes with choosing to actually live. 🔍 In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 00:24 – Meet Ray Martin: Coach, author, and corporate dropout 06:12 – The high cost of living out of alignment 10:35 – “You can’t lead others if you won’t lead yourself” — on radical self-honesty 14:50 – Breaking the addiction to achievement and validation 18:27 – Learning to sit with discomfort instead of fixing it 22:11 – How fear keeps men from accessing their emotional truth 27:03 – Why self-reflection is the start—not the end—of growth 31:42 – The difference between intellectual insight and embodied change 35:16 – Davina on parenting boys while dismantling patriarchal messaging 47:24 – Coaching as a sacred container: presence over prescriptions 51:09 – Burnout and reinvention in midlife 58:16 – Navigating relationships with truth, tenderness, and tension 1:02:07 – Davina reflects on shedding performance in marriage and business 1:09:55 – Ray’s personal rituals and anchors for staying steady 1:12:42 – Advice for men in transition: stop striving, start feeling 1:18:46 – Closing reflections: Growth is grief, growth is grace 🧠 Connect with Ray Martin 👉 Website 📘 Life Without a Tie – Grab the book 💼 LinkedIn 📸 Instagram 💥 Ready to Break Your Own Cycle? The SHIFT is real—and it’s waiting for you. Whether you’re a parent, partner, or human in the middle of your own Becoming, there’s space for you here. 🔥 Join the SHIFT: asteadyspace.com/parental-shift 📞 Book a Clarity Call: asteadyspace.com/clarity 💬 Follow the journey: @yoursteadyspace

56: GUEST | Archetypes, Parenting Projections & the Myth of the One True You with Eric Gee

🧠 Personality, Parenting & The Power of Knowing Yourself—with Eric Gee What do sharks, dolphins, and fascists have in common? They're all part of Eric Gee's wild and wickedly accurate personality typing system. In this episode of SHIFT Talking, Davina sits down with Eric Gee, author of The Power of Personality and founder of The Youtopia Project, to unpack why self-awareness isn’t optional, how to decode your kids (and yourself), and what your “deviant role” says about your hidden strengths. We talk Game of Thrones characters, parent-child dynamics, school trauma, anger expression, and why your quirks aren’t flaws—they’re clues. If you’ve ever taken a personality quiz and felt unseen, this episode will crack you wide open. And if you're raising kids, married to a mystery, or wondering why you keep ghosting your own goals—Eric’s system might just change your life. ⏱️ In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 02:30 – How Eric created The Youtopia Project & his typing methodology 04:50 – What school never taught us about kids' true motivation 08:00 – “Be careful” is killing your kid’s confidence—say this instead 13:10 – How to read your kids and spot their core personality type 17:45 – Sharks, Butterflies & how siblings are built differently 22:00 – Davina’s deviant role: Cult Leader energy (and she owns it) 25:40 – What makes a person who they are—and can we change? 32:00 – The hidden dangers of telling kids who they "should" be 38:15 – Pop culture meets personality: Game of Thrones, Marvel & more 46:00 – How shame, rigidity & insecurity get misdiagnosed as "anger issues" 52:00 – Why confidence is the antidote to bullying 58:00 – Parenting with personality in mind 1:03:00 – Baboons, dolphins, and what makes someone actually magnetic 1:07:00 – The problem with passive-aggressive parenting and praise 1:10:00 – Why we need to raise kids who know themselves 1:16:00 – Where to find Eric and take the quiz yourself 🧭 Connect with Eric Gee 🧠 Take the Personality Quiz: https://youtopiaproject.com 📚 Get the Book – The Power of Personality 📸 Follow on Instagram @thepowerofpersonality 👀 Ready to SHIFT? ✨ Want to know your own deviant archetype? Take Eric’s quiz and DM Davina your results on Instagram. 💬 Ready to regulate your reactions and parent with presence? Join the SHIFT and stop white-knuckling your way through life. 🌀 Subscribe, follow, and review SHIFT Talking so more transitional characters like you can find us.

55: GUEST | Emotional Literacy, Shape-Shifting & the Actor’s Guide to Self-Mastery with James Rojas Taylor

🔥 Emotional Literacy Isn’t Just for Actors—It’s the Tool You’ve Been Missing In this mind-bending, soul-stretching episode of SHIFT Talking, Davina sits down with Jim Rojas Taylor—former Marine, actor, author, and emotional literacy evangelist—who flips the script on how we teach regulation, empathy, and confidence. His message is simple but revolutionary: Why are we working so hard to build imaginary people (actors)... and doing so little to build real ones? Jim breaks down how the same emotional and mental tools used in acting (like the Stanislavski system) are powerful, practical frameworks for real-life regulation, perspective-taking, and identity work. From creating “suits and bubbles” as a child, to transforming classrooms with acting tools, to writing his book All Your Best Selves, Jim is leading the charge in giving people the language and literacy to feel, know, and choose who they are—on and off the stage. This isn’t woo. It’s wisdom with a workout plan—and it’s the emotional regulation RX the world (and our kids) desperately need. ⏱️ In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 04:00 – “My Suits and Bubbles”: Jim’s inner world at age 4 06:00 – From Marine to musicals: the strange road to emotional mastery 12:30 – Psychodrama, trauma drama, Sense Theatre, and emotional rewiring 15:05 – The 7 Stanislavski Questions and why they’re sonar for your soul 18:00 – “Spiritual shapeshifting” and choosing the best self for the moment 25:00 – Why people fear self-awareness (and how to handle the answers) 28:00 – Emotions are muscles: you get stronger by using them daily 33:00 – Emotional congruence, gendered pain, and raising non-predatory boys 39:00 – How to reach resistant adults without pushing them away 47:30 – The “It Factor” is made, not born—how to build your own 50:00 – Parenting, pressure, and why your kid’s not emotionally behind—they’re overwhelmed 57:00 – How to start when the transformation feels too big 1:05:00 – Dopamine, discipline, and ditching the Reese’s egg (sometimes) 1:20:00 – Stage fright, fourth wall tricks, and helping kids feel safe being seen 🎭 Connect with Jim Rojas Taylor 📘 All Your Best Selves is available on Amazon now 📲 Follow Jim everywhere: @soycandie on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and BlueSky 🌐 soycandie.com (coming soon!) 💥 Want to Build Emotional Literacy at Home? 🧠 Join The SHIFT to rewire your nervous system, break generational cycles, and stop operating from burnout 📅 Book a 90-minute SHIFT Session to build your emotional gym routine 🎧 Catch the next episode of SHIFT Talking for more unfiltered truth about raising humans—including yourself

54: GUEST | From Breakdown to Breakthrough: Masculinity, Sobriety & The Cost of Becoming Who You Really Are with Alan Lazaros

What happens when you build a life that looks “successful”—but feels like hell? In this raw, real, and soul-punching conversation, Davina sits down with business coach and podcaster Alan Lazaros to talk SHIFT about masculinity, emotional honesty, and what it takes to actually grow without selling your soul. From childhood trauma and identity loss to marriage, sobriety, and the silent suffering men face, this episode is a masterclass in owning your truth—even when the world isn’t ready for it. No predatory sales pitches. No performance bullshit. Just two humans telling the truth. ⏱️ In This Episode, We Talk SHIFT About: 03:00 – Why parenting wrecks identity and how that affects men differently 10:00 – Alan’s story: childhood loss, trauma, and the pursuit of external validation 14:00 – The car crash that rewired his entire life 24:00 – Why most people fail at growth—and how ethical coaches can change that 35:00 – Davina’s origin story: debt, manipulation, and rebuilding with integrity 45:00 – Masculinity, therapy, and why men fear softness 58:00 – Parenting boys without raising future fuckboys 1:04:00 – Dick-measuring culture and what real masculinity looks like 1:17:00 – School talks, self-worth, and what ego really protects 1:24:00 – What it means to grow together—or be left behind 🎙️ About Alan Lazaros Alan Lazaros is the co-founder and host of Next Level University, a global podcast and coaching company dedicated to holistic personal development. With over 7,000 hours of 1:1 coaching and a no-BS, metrics-driven approach, Alan helps people grow in health, wealth, love, and life. He’s also a recovered workaholic, sober fitness model, and emotional regulation advocate who isn’t afraid to admit: he used to be a fuckboy too. 👉 Connect with Alan: nextleveluniverse.com Podcast: Next Level University IG: @alazaros88 💥 Ready for Your Own SHIFT? 🧠 Join the Parental SHIFT Program → asteadyspace.com/parentalshift 📞 Book a Clarity Call → asteadyspace.com/contact 🎧 Binge more episodes or get resources → asteadyspace.com/podcast 📱 Let’s be friends on socials → TikTok + IG + YT: @yoursteadyspace

53: SHIFT Rx | Lonely While Healing? Good. You're Doing It Right

You’re doing the work. You’re growing. You’re unlearning. And it’s lonely as fuck. In this week’s SHIFT Rx, Davina gets all the way real about what no one tells you: personal development costs connection—and you have to do it anyway. From losing friendships to questioning your identity, the truth is that becoming who you’re meant to be is a death and a rebirth. And yes, grief is part of the process. This one’s for the people mid-shift: misunderstood, second-guessing, and wondering if it’s worth it. It is. This is your reminder to choose you—especially when no one else does. 00:29 – Loneliness is the cost of entry into real growth 01:05 – Why personal development often feels like abandonment 02:39 – You’ll lose people—but you’ll finally find you 03:48 – People will judge. Your job is to do it anyway 05:08 – Parenting from your actual self (not your wounded one) 07:20 – You don’t need their certainty to validate your shift 08:52 – It’s okay to doubt. Just don’t let that stop you 09:45 – If you’re not proud of you yet, I am 11:39 – Being home in yourself is the cure for the loneliness 💊 This is your SHIFT Rx. Take it with solitude, self-trust, and the reminder that loneliness isn’t proof you’re wrong—it’s proof you’re different now. ⚡ Ready to shift? Join the Parental SHIFT program and get the support, skills, and community you need. Take Action: Join The Parental SHIFT Book a Clarity Call Get in Touch: TikTok: @asteadyspace Instagram & Threads: @asteadyspace | @your_steady_space | @shifttalkingwithdavina YouTube: @asteadyspace Website: www.asteadyspace.com

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