Crazy in Love | Podcast on RSS.com

Crazy in Love

by Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton - Relationship and Love Experts

Mental Health Relationships

Season 1

When to speak up, and when to pipe down

We worry we sometimes confuse our listeners with mixed messages. We say: don't be a jerk. Don't sweat the small stuff. Bite you tongue unless something really matters. Be careful not to endlessly whine and moan at your partner. We also say: when something bothers you, speak up early, do it directly but without heat, and ask for what you want. What do we really mean? And how do you make your way through this tricky terrain? All this and more in this episode. You can work with Graham here: www.grahamjohnston.uk You can work with Matt here: www.matwotton.com Subscribe and leave us a review if you like what we're doing with the podcast.

Easy as ABC: Communication in Relationships

Matt thinks everything can be boiled down to ABC. Acknowledge. Build. Counter. It fits the bill for the argument about household chores. It fits the bill for the difficult conversation about whether to send the kids to private school. It fits the bill for a lovely, positive conversation about holiday destinations. Graham is more sceptical. Can such a simple, slightly artificial formula genuinely offer a model for pretty much every conversation between two grown adults? As you'll hear, by the end of the episode, he's come around to everything being as easy as ABC. We also discussed two other formulas in the episode. The Gottmans' X, Y, Z model and Marc Brackett's RULER model for emotional regulation. Subscribe and leave a review if you love what we're doing with the podcast! You can work with Graham here. You can work with Matt here.

Who's to blame for your relationship problems?

It's Episode 50! To celebrate, we're shining a sceptical spotlight on the age-old trope of blaming the parents (especially the mum). It's a familiar story in psychology literature. Bad parenting causes schizophrenia. Bad parenting causes depression. Bad parenting causes insecure attachment. Bad parenting maybe even causes autism. What's the truth behind the claims? And even where there are nuggets of truth, what can you do to take responsibility of your own future and improve your relationships? You can work with Graham at www.grahamjohnston.uk You can work with Matt at www.matwotton.com Leave us a review, subscribe, and share the pod with your friends and family if you like what we're doing. Here's to the next 50 episodes!

We Over-Complicate Relationships

We like to think of ourselves - and our relationships - as complex. Surely if we're bright, capable, successful people with relationship problems, those problems must be multi-faceted and sophisticated. Maybe it's due to our attachment styles and complicated personal histories? Matt and Graham argue that, in a lot of cases, simple changes in behaviours transform relationships. You can work with Graham here: www.grahamjohnston.uk You can work with Matt here: www.matwotton.com Do leave us a review if you like what we're doing with the podcast.

The Great Relationship Question: how do you best handle distress?

When distress shows up in a relationship, should I turn towards you or should I learn to tolerate it myself? The question many ask in relationships - and are encouraged by the world of couples therapy to ask - is: ‘can I count on you to be there when I'm struggling?’ This worldview sees the problem as disconnection, with the prescription being connection, emotional and physical. “Talk about your feelings.” “Be vulnerable.” “Express your needs.” “Co-regulate.” But, maybe this has got things the wrong way around. Maybe becoming overly dependent on your partner’s approval, agreement, validation or emotional state isn't healthy. Maybe you're more likely to lose sexual desire for someone you have to constantly prop up (or is constantly propping you up). Maybe the task to tolerate your own distress without demanding your partner fix it; not to connect more, but to tolerate discomfort without controlling or manipulating the other. Matt and Graham explore these difficult questions in today's episode. If you like what we're doing with the pod, leave us a five-star review and share it with a friend. You can work with Graham here: https://www.grahamjohnston.uk/ You can work with Matt here: https://www.matwotton.com/

Are successful people less successful in relationships?

Logic, emotional detachment, quick decisions, a problem-solving mindset - all very useful much of the time in the workplace. But are those same skills, when seen as the go-to set of skills at home too often, a handicap against excellent relationships? After all, we're often told that relationships require curiousity, emotional engagement, patience, a prioritising of feelings over solutions. Matt & Graham delve into these issues in today's episodes, with some disagreement along the way. If you like the podcast, please leave a review and subscribe. You can work with Graham here: www.grahamjohnston.uk. You can work with Matt here: www.matwotton.com. And you can contact the pod at crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com.

Compatibility Is Over-Rated

You’re told to find the right person and everything else falls into place. Popular culture sells the same script: meet “the one”, and the hard part is done. Anyone who has stayed in a long-term relationship knows otherwise. The appeal is obvious. The compatibility story lets you off the hook. If it works, you chose well. If it fails, you weren’t right for each other. It also saves you from a harder truth: You drifted, took things for granted, let standards slip, and became harder to live with. Compatibility still matters. It’s easier to build a life with someone who broadly agrees on money, work, family, and how to raise children. But this is a starting condition, not a sustaining force. In today's episode, Matt and Graham argue that long-term relationship success turns on behaviour, not initial fit. What matters are small, repeatable actions—tone, reliability, thoughtfulness, taking your partner’s perspective, and repair (the ability to say "sorry" and mean it). Their blogpost is available to read on Psychology Today here. You can work with Graham here and with Matt here. Leave us a review and share the podcast if you like what we're doing!

What Works In Therapy - And What Doesn't

Answering a question with a question. Seeking to discover what's beneath the anger. And underneath the sadness underneath the anger? And underneath that? It's easy to disparage and mock, but the clichés that come with therapy - and especially a certain type of therapy - turn a lot of people away. Clients and couples often come to us frustrated that they haven't been helped to change their thinking and behaviour - merely to interpret, understand and analyse. Some therapies and therapists believe all the answers lie within the client and there should be no place for authority and expertise from the therapist. We (mainly) disagree - and in today's episode, we explain how, although it's true that a sizable minority of people want and benefit from a space to talk and be heard, most couples and clients want to see tangible changes in their lives. They don't know how to get there themselves, and they look to us for help to get them unstuck, and quickly. You can work with Graham here - www.grahamjohnston.uk You can work with Matt here - www.matwotton.com If you find the episode useful, please leave us a review and subscribe as it helps others like you find us.

Elon Musk Thinks Introspection Does More Harm Than Good: Is He Right?

"People who dwell in the past get stuck in the past." - Marc Andreessen. (https://www.youtube.com/shorts/b6Zw50f5jJk) "Introspection causes emotional disorders." - Andreessen again. "Reinforcing negative neural pathways via therapy or introspection is a recipe for disaster." - Elon Musk. “And also, this is very important to understand about me, I am not into psychoanalysis, right. I think there is far too much of it and I think people spend far too long, constantly analysing themselves. I do what I do because I believe in it.” - Tony Blair This idea is gaining traction, especially among a certain group of guys: that self-awareness is not only not helpful, but that it's actively harmful. It might take some of your edge away and leave you prone to introspection. As therapists and couples coaches, Matt & Graham are interested in why the idea is gaining ground, and how to work with those men, whether they want individual work or come to them as part of a couple. Short answer: we don't try and convince them that going back to their childhoods and spending lots of time understanding themselves and feeling their feelings is the way forward. We move quickly to show them how therapy can help them solve practical problems in their lives. If you'd like to work with Graham or Matt, you can find them at www.grahamjohnston.uk and www.matwotton.com And if you're enjoying the pod, make sure you subscribe, share with friends, and leave us a nice review. Cheers!

The Manosphere

Matt and Graham dive into the Manosphere on this episode of Crazy In Love. They respond to the recent Louis Theroux documentary on Netflix and this article which suggests Gen Z men are more likely to demand that their wives obey them: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/mar/05/gen-z-men-baby-boomers-wives-should-obey-husbands But what's the reality behind young men's beliefs about women? Should we be worried, or is this a moral panic similar to Grand Theft Auto and gangsta rap? How much influence do the likes of Andrew Tate have on young men? Are young women more at threat from predatory beliefs and values of their partners? They draw on this thread from Owen Winter looking at the British Election Study: https://x.com/OwenWntr/status/1902986069508780493 And this report from Male Allies UK: https://www.maleallies.co.uk/voice-of-the-boys-report/ Subscribe, leave a review and spread the word if you're enjoying the podcast.

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