You're Not Listening
Season 1
Why Good Employees Become BAD Bosses
You Don't Need a Title to Have Authority — Here's Why
Why You Keep Getting Passed Over for Leadership
I Can Take It
Who's Gonna Drive You Home?
You Choose the Pain
by Aubin
She was one of the strongest people on his team — until she wasn't anymore. Then she left. This episode is built around a real coaching story: a leader who got promoted for being the person who could solve any problem faster than anyone else in the room, and never learned what he needed to stop doing once he became the boss. We dig into the Peter Principle — why the skill that gets you promoted is almost never the skill your new role actually needs — and walk through three shifts that separate a performer from what leadership researcher Liz Wiseman calls a multiplier: Detach, Decode, Delegate. If you've ever corrected someone's method without meaning to, felt overlooked when someone else got the credit, or gone quiet when a decision happened without you — this episode is about that exact discomfort, and what it's actually protecting. Research referenced: Benson, Li & Shue, "Promotions and the Peter Principle," Quarterly Journal of Economics, 2019. Free discovery call available for anyone ready to work through this one-on-one: yourenotlisteningshow@gmail.com
A few years ago, I split one project 50/50 with a colleague. Same team, same budget, same authority — I made sure of that myself. Her half fell apart on stage. Mine didn't. For months, I kept asking her one question: what would an official title actually change? I never got a straight answer. In this episode, I break down what really separates the people who lead from the people who wait to be given permission to — and why "I don't have the title for that" is one of the most common excuses people use to avoid responsibility they already have. We'll look at what actually happens on a team when someone with real authority hesitates to use it, why structure is usually a relief rather than a restriction, and a simple way to start acting on the authority you already have without overstepping or damaging trust with your own leader. If you've ever held back on a decision, a boundary, or taking charge of something because "that's not officially my job" — this episode is for you. You're Not Listening is a show about the conversations we avoid, the ones we get wrong, and what happens when we finally have the courage to have them. Have a story about leadership, communication, or growth you'd like coached through? Email yourenotlisteningshow@gmail.com to set up a free discovery call.
You're capable. You work hard. You deliver results. So why does someone else keep getting the leadership role? The answer isn't politics. It's the Trust Gap — and this episode shows you exactly where yours is. If you've ever been passed over for a leadership role and told yourself it was politics, timing, or the wrong decision — this episode is for you. Early in my career I watched someone hit a ceiling he never understood. Brilliant, funny, charming — everyone wanted to work with him. He never made it into leadership. Not once. A few years later I went after a role I was certain I was ready for. They passed me over. My first thought was that they got it wrong. But looking back I can see something I couldn't see then. I could do the job. But the evidence wasn't visible enough. Capable and visible are not the same thing. In this episode I break down the Trust Gap — a four-lens framework that reveals exactly what people are watching before any leadership decision gets made. This isn't about working harder or waiting longer. It's about understanding the pattern you're already building — and whether that pattern is making you easier or harder to trust with more. THE FOUR LENSES → Initiative — What do you do when nobody asks you to → Reliability — Does your word mean anything without a reminder → Discomfort — What do you do when the right thing is the hard thing → Pressure — What does the room feel like when things go wrong and you're in it YOU'LL WALK AWAY WITH — A clear understanding of why capable people keep getting passed over — The four things people are silently watching before any promotion decision — An honest audit of where your own Trust Gap actually is — One practical action you can take this week to start closing it READY TO CLOSE YOUR TRUST GAP? If this episode hit and you want to figure out exactly where your gap is — reach out directly. No pitch. No pressure. Just an honest conversation about where you are, where you want to be, and what's actually standing in the way. 📧 yourenotlisteningshow@gmail.com
Everyone says they can take feedback. Until they actually get it. In this episode, we get into why feedback is one of the most avoided conversations in professional life — and why that hasn't changed since the beginning of most people's careers. From boardrooms to interview rooms, the reaction is always the same: defend, explain, justify. But what if that reaction isn't a character flaw? What if it's just biology? We break down the science behind why feedback feels like a physical threat — including Daniel Goleman's amygdala hijack, David Rock's SCARF model, and Roy Baumeister's work on why negative information hits harder than positive. Then we reframe what feedback actually is, why it's a two-way street, and how to use it as a tool for growth rather than a trigger for defensiveness. This episode includes a simple three-step framework — Listen, Understand, Act — and a practical challenge you can take into your week starting today. You'll walk away with: A clear understanding of why your brain reacts the way it does to feedback The reframe that separates behaviour from identity A framework for giving and receiving feedback that actually works One small action you can take this week Write in and tell me what landed: yourenotlisteningshow@gmail.com
Have you ever watched someone who just seems wired differently? Someone who keeps showing up, keeps doing the work, keeps going when everyone else has quit — and wondered what they have that you don't? I used to think drive was a personality trait. Something you either had or you didn't. Then I looked back at a year of my life — I was sixteen, I'd just been dismissed in a way that cut deep, and I made a decision that changed everything. In this episode I break down what that year actually taught me about drive — why it isn't the same as motivation, where it really comes from, and how to find your entry point into it even if you've never had a defining wound or a dramatic moment to start from. By the end you'll have a clear framework, one question to sit with this week, and a much more honest answer to why you've been waiting.
In this episode of You’re Not Listening, we look at one uncomfortable truth: you are going to suffer either way. You can suffer by avoiding the difficult conversation, dismissing the feedback, staying the same, and protecting the version of yourself that no longer works. Or you can choose the harder pain — the pain of honesty, change, humility, and growth. Through a personal story about facing years of repeated feedback, this episode explores why we often choose familiar suffering without realising it, why change feels painful at first, and why running towards the right discomfort can reshape who we become. This week’s question: What feedback have you kept hearing — and still haven’t faced? Because both paths are hard. But only one of them gives something back.
Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling like the other person just wasn't really there? Or worse — been on the other side of that, and not even realised it? I spent years thinking I was a good listener. I wasn't. I was just good at waiting for my turn to talk. In this episode I break down the three levels of listening that changed the way I show up — in my relationships, in my coaching, in every conversation I have. And by the end, you'll know exactly which level you're at — and what to do about it.