what's mine is hours
Season 1
by mickey sorrow
mickey, using his incredible capacity for not knowing literally a single goddamn thing, explains NFTs. what are they? he doesn't know. what are they good for? he doesn't know that, either. but are some of them IRRIDEEMIBLY UGLY??? fuck yeah, they are! so join mickey as he roasts NFT design in the safest way possible: without actually screenshotting or showing what they look like, even though technically that's not even a dangerous thing to do anyway, because like... NFTs are not real things.
wanna take a walk on the wild side? it's okay if you don't, we have other episodes! but, as far as this episode goes, our resident half-human half-horse beast of a host talks animals - including animals that can talk back! most of those animals have died, however, and are not available for comment, so unfortunately, like our other episodes, this one's all mickey all the time. a big canadian sorry to all... with our toebeans crossed behind our backs. ;)
AUDIO GLITCH: at around 13:18, i say "hopefully i also get into NO MORE ACCIDENTS!". sorry, i moved outta the range of the mic... mostly bc i'm not using a mic. not even remotely or a little bit. mickey sorrow - noted failed comedian, noted prospective demolition derby-driver - discusses the joys of totaling a jeep cherokee (few to none) and the horrors of the needlessly-sexy bumper sticker industry (many. too many.) why is everyone horny on main street these days, anyway?
oh hai there!! XD *fucking GLOMPS you* remember the internet? chances are, you're actually using it right now - otherwise, how the fuck did you get here? but remember the EARLY internet? yeah. a lotta people do. a few people are still trapped there, which unfortunately leads them to act out in destructive and inhumane ways, such as using creepy asterisks to roleplay in a way that only they can possibly get off to. don't believe us? *mickey finds the subreddit for it, fucking makes a podcast about it.* there. believe us now?
mickey's voluntarily celibate, and not remotely a nice guy; it's okay to hate him, it's just gotta be for reasons OTHER than those. but, for those where those reasons DO apply, this episode's approximately one hour of mickey reading uncomfortable reddit posts from r/NiceGuys and r/IncelTear and, well, feel uncomfortable out it. our evil himbo host doesn't have a heart but, if he did, it'd probably be at least bronze or some shit, i dunno. solid enough to make sure nice guy garbage don't get in there, at least.
no, we won't be talking top surgery in this episode - as much as mickey would enjoy that. this episode is about the flat - F-L-A-T, for our viewers at home - earth community, because like... how is that even a community? what're they up to? why does the earth get to be flat but my chest doesn't? these are the enduring questions, only some of which will be at least kinda answered a little bit. so stay tuned!!
it's more likely than you think! ;) retroactively published towards the end of august because mickey's a fucking idiot, this is his less-than-inspired take on christmas in july. from not understanding it, to not wanting to partake in it, to only wanting to partake in it if it becomes a satanist thing specifically, mickey charts the ups and downs of thinking about basically just a gimmick holiday that amounts to nothing and is of no substance. much like the rest of the show. so strap in!
mickey - someone who's already anachronistically floating somewhere between the early 70s and the mid 90s - turns the clock back even FURTHER in the interest of getting paleolithic with it. or cretaceous with it. jurassic feels overdone at this point but whatever, that's fine too. the point is, today we're exploring the wild, wacky, and usually just plain weird world of dinosaur movies - not the educational ones. or the good ones. or any of the ones actually worth watching otherwise. from brain-in-a-vat anti-solipsism scenarios to fucken straight-up slow-burn body horror transformations fer kidz(!!), mickey explores only the plots, acting, casting choices, and screenwriting bad enough the make the dinosaurs GLAD they're extinct.
there's always a troma to talk about - whether or not there's always a troma to talk TO remains to be seen, and isn't really related to the content of this exact episode at all. because, in THIS episode, mickey reads through a list of troma films - independent films notable for their gore, sexual content, and sadistic content - and asks himself the age-old question "what would it be like to live there?". sell your Galliger tickets and use your spash-zone cover here instead - it's splatterin' time!!
you gotta keep 'em separated - if, by "them", you've gotta keep mickey and the concept of bad media as far away from each other as possible, lest he begins speaking on the subject. in this episode, mickey speaks EXTENSIVELY on the subject of shit plays. you read that right (you might hear it wrong, but that's mickey's accent and he does address it in the episode). bad movies, bad music, bad TV shows, and even to some extent bad books have had and continue to have their time in the limelight - but bad PLAYS?! for the next hour, it's their time in an absurdly-dim spotlight. please hold your applause. ;)