Good morning, citizens. Today: researchers abroad have reviewed three hundred and fifty studies and discovered that eating less may make a body last longer, which is where your breakfast has been sitting all along, and the Ministry of Nutrition has a kind word for anyone found eating something else. A study abroad followed children for eight years and found that the ones who watched the most thought the most clearly, a thing we settled here long ago. Attendance at Productivity Hour was one hundred percent and attendance at Gratitude Hour was everyone. And then the mailbag: a floor that is quiet now all the way up, a citizen who has said it along with me four thousand one hundred and six times, and a drawing with one empty chair in it. Everything is already wonderful.

Verity is a satirical fiction podcast. Inspired by real headlines: ...