Episode notes
⚠️ Trigger warning: This episode contains references to loving someone with alcohol addiction and domestic violence, including physical assault. Please take gentle care of yourself as you listen. 💛
At some point in childhood, most of us made a decision, without knowing we were making it.
We decided what we needed to do or be to earn love. To belong. To be safe.
Maybe you became the helpful one. The easy one. The one who never asked for anything. Maybe you made yourself so small you took up almost no space at all.
It worked, after a fashion. You got through. You survived.
But at some point, the strategy stopped working. The exhaustion caught up. The resentment crept in. And underneath it all, a quiet voice asked: does anyone actually love me, or just what I do for them?
In this episode I explore the strategies we build to earn love, and what it takes to start believing, for the first time, that we might deserve it simply for existing.
If anything in this episode feels close to home, please know you don't have to carry it alone. Here is where you can find support. 💛
🇬🇧 UK
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge) — 0808 2000 247, free & confidential, 24/7
- Men's Advice Line (for male survivors) — 0808 801 0327, Mon–Fri
- Galop (LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline) — 0800 999 5428
- Karma Nirvana (forced marriage & honour-based abuse) — 0800 5999 247
- Samaritans (24/7 emotional support) — 116 123
- In immediate danger — call 999
🇺🇸 US
- National Domestic Violence Hotline — 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or text START to 88788, or chat at TheHotline.org, 24/7
- StrongHearts Native Helpline — 1-844-7NATIVE (762-8483), 24/7
- National Deaf Hotline — 855-812-1001, thedeafhotline.org, 24/7
- In immediate danger — call 911