Making Sense of Parenting

Making Sense of Parenting

by Kelly K Shoup
ParentingChristianity

Ep. #23 - Do You Have a Kid Labeled a Troublemaker?

Continuing the Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior series, Part III, Kelly focuses on the proprioceptive sense that is crucial in helping to understand and make sense of a child’s behavior. This sense is very important for parents to understand because this particular sense can help parents understand their kids, themselves and even other children if this sense is not a struggle for their own children. Proprioception refers to the sense or the position of the muscles and joints of our body that enables our brains to know where each of the body parts is and how they are moving. God designed our bodies to be this way and for proprioception to be the way that the nervous system keeps track of and controls the different parts of the body. Proprioceptive input is considered a “magic pill” that can help any person organize, be calm and be helpful to their nervous system. In addition the proprioceptive sense is the only one that you cannot give too much to. The proprioceptive sense is seeking heavy work/input into the joints and muscles. These are examples of how that might show itself in a child who is a sensory seeker: Crashing into people or things Jumping, climbing, wrestling Grind teeth Crack knuckles Walk on toes Stomping feet Preference for tight clothes There are many ways that a child can be given healthy and safe input for their proprioceptive sense that will give their nervous system what it needs and also keep the child out of trouble. Understanding the proprioceptive sense is important because if kids are crashing, bumping, invading personal space, these kids so quickly get labeled the bad kid or the troublemaker and when they start to get labeled like that and their nervous system does not receive the help that it needs the child will simply believe they are indeed the bad kid. And that is not what was meant to be. Reach out to Kelly! Instagram Sensory Profile Quiz Monthly Membership Please subscribe to the podcast YouTube Apple Podcasts Spotify
E23
Feb 2, 2023
32:21

Ep. #22 - What's Your Over-Under?

In Part II of her series on Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior, Kelly is talking about the three ways that the sensory system works: over-responsiveness, under-responsiveness, and the just-right point. Understanding the sensory system will heighten your ability to navigate both your own and your child’s behavior. The body is automatically trying to reach its “just-right” point, but that set point is different for each individual. This is the way God created us, and parents and children will find it easiest to work with the flow that God has created. Over or under-responsiveness in children can look like misbehavior. Your child is trying to understand and manage what their sensory system needs, but they aren’t equipped to accomplish that task. When parents understand this, they can guide the child through the process, essentially eliminating tantrums. The set point that every human’s body is trying to get to is also called a sensory threshold. It is where neurochemical changes take place in the brain. There are neurotransmitters that help a person reach their optimum functioning level. You are at your best when you can balance the input that is constantly coming into your sensory system. For the majority of humans, we’re more or less sensitive in at least one of our senses. If you are more sensitive, you are an over-responder. A note: Usually a person is an over-responder in a couple of senses, just-right in others, and potentially an under-responder in the rest. Because of this, the child’s behavior can be very tricky to understand. The under-responder is the person who has one or more senses that don’t get enough sensory input to reach the just-right point. They need to see, hear, or smell more. There are two different ways of being under-responders: Passive Under-Responder This child gets accused of being lazy, unmotivated, or sluggish. This child needs more sensory input but doesn’t pursue it. Sensory-Seeking Under-Responder This child is very hyper: climbing walls, yelling, slamming into people. They need more input, and they are ON IT. God created children like this. Working within the confines that God gave them, parents can acquire the tools to know when their child is going to be overloaded, and respond accordingly. The goal is to set kids up to be able to deal with their own sensory systems well. Reach out to Kelly! Instagram Sensory Profile Quiz Monthly Membership Please subscribe to the podcast YouTube Apple Podcasts Spotify
E22
Jan 20, 2023
29:33

Ep. #21 - Having Trouble Making Sense of Your Child's Behavior?

God created humans with a built-in safety mechanism. 95% of what looks like bad behavior is actually a young child trying to make their nervous system feel okay. We know it as self-regulation. As adults, this might come out as clicking a pen, or taking a coffee break. This episode is Part I of a two-part series on Making Sense of Your Child’s Behavior through the lens of the sensory system. Today, Kelly is talking about the senses of sight and hearing, how they could be affecting your child’s behavior, and how you can help your child. Vision At home Face them towards a plain wall. Offer a minimum amount of toys. Face them away from windows and doors. Give them 10-15 minutes to close their eyes or sit in a dark room. At the park Let them read in the car first. Give them sunglasses. At school Give them a ball cap. Join Kelly’s monthly membership for more tools. Know yourself and your child. Vision might also be a sensitivity for you as a parent. Check out Kelly’s free sensory profile assessment. Hearing Behaviors that may occur include: Running out of a room Refusing to go into a room How to help the child: Give them 5-10 minutes to see if they can self-regulate. Try headphones/earplugs/noise-canceling earbuds. Turn on soothing music. Teach your child to give you a signal that means: “Mom, please be quiet.” Get curious! Look for clues and don’t override what your child is saying. Connect with Kelly! Monthly membership Sensory Profile Assessment Instagram Website Please subscribe to the podcast YouTube Apple Podcasts Spotify
E21
Jan 17, 2023
27:20

Ep. #20 - Are Late Afternoons and Evenings when You Feel like You're Losing Your Mind?

What do the words self-control, self-regulation, self-soothing, and self-care have to do with after-school time, and your child’s out-of-control behavior? That’s exactly what Kelly is addressing in today’s episode. Self-control Definition: Inhibiting impulses/exercising restraint Every human needs to have the ability to practice self-control. Self-control is STOPPING or NOT doing something. Self-regulation This is the umbrella over emotional, physical, social, and mental regulation. Definition: being able to identify the causes of the impulse/behavior/feeling in yourself Self-regulation is often DOING something. Self-regulation keeps us in a state of homeostasis. This can be difficult for young kids to figure out in new or different environments. They need us to guide them, and to be regulated ourselves. Be aware of how you self-regulate. Self-soothing Definition: a tool that humans use to calm or soothe themselves Self-soothing is the first step to learning self-regulation. Every human has a different pace/rhythm to accomplish this. Empower kids to do this for themselves. Note about new routines/new sensory stimulation/new rules (ex. new school year) This can be a lot for a small child to deal with. These little bodies are exhausted, holding it together all day long. Home is safe, so the energy they wanted to get out all day comes out when they’re home after school. Their bodies need time to adjust to the new school routine: give them two weeks to a month. Self-soothing techniques Sometimes these don’t work in the new environment. Thumb-sucking Blanket Stuffed animal Help them to find new ways to self-soothe in the new environment. Self-care Definition: vital things that you need to do in your day that allow you to show up the best that you can, mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally Help kids understand what they need to do every day to show up as their best. Self care for moms is incredibly important. If you are depleted, you don’t have the ability to support everyone else in your world. Connect with Kelly! Monthly membership Instagram Website Please subscribe to the podcast YouTube Apple Podcasts Spotify
E20
Jan 13, 2023
30:59

Ep. #19 - What's Allowed or the Right Thing to Say or Do in Parenting Your Child

On today’s show, Kelly is talking about four things that are absolutely allowed and good for you to do as a parent. Two Disclaimers: She operates from a foundation of Faith and a baseline of purposeful parenting. God made us unique God created us for a purpose She is playing a long game. What is Allowable in Parenting? Redefine success. It can change minute by minute. There’s no bottom line. Let your child experience upset/discomfort/awkwardness. There is not a single human who does not experience these things. Parent in a way that gives your child exposure to these experiences. Hold boundaries and discipline your kids. Be as gentle as possible to get the desired behavior. Sometimes parents have to be firm. Motivate positively if possible. Change tactics to fit each specific child at each specific age. Gentle parenting is not pushover or “put-off” parenting. Never give your child a choice on their punishment: You decide. Physically remove your child from a situation if necessary. You can get support. Get support early and often. Be open to getting support in different ways. Parenting doesn’t have to feel good or look perfect to be done correctly. Get in touch with Kelly! Monthly membership 1-on-1 coaching Instagram Website Please subscribe to the podcast YouTube Apple Podcasts Spotify
E19
Jan 13, 2023
35:17

Ep. #18 - Ways Your Children Experience Being Seen & Heard Without You Being in the Room

Do you ever feel guilty because you can’t be everywhere and do everything for all the people you care about and love? Maybe you don’t feel guilty, but you feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or downright exhausted. Today, Kelly is going to give you some strategies to help your kids experience being seen and heard without you even needing to be in the room. Keeping some of the art projects, pictures, and figurines your kids have made. Let them be seen. This sends the message to your child: “I matter.” A Communication Box This is a place where your kids can leave you a note when you aren’t there. Set the expectation up front. A communication box gives you a chance to think about your response. Leave a sticky note! Notice something they did well, or tell them you’re looking forward to exclusive time with them. Ask them, “What do you want me to know about you today?” Give them a choice of how to spend your time together. Notice something they did well that was small, or hidden. When your kids know you see them doing helpful things, they feel good. It inspires kids to want to help more. Put a note under their pillow. Tell them you had fun with them. Tell them they made you laugh. Let them help you in some way. Want to connect with Kelly? Check out the links below! Instagram Monthly membership One-on-one coaching Please subscribe to the podcast YouTube Apple Podcasts Spotify
E18
Jan 13, 2023
26:08

Ep. #17 - Back to School Behaviors That Backfire

In today’s episode, Kelly is addressing three back-to-school behaviors that frequently backfire. Over-enthusiasm Mom thinks, “I’m going to have some free time!” Your child may be dreading the upcoming school year. Don’t negate how they’re feeling by your exuberance. Offer to talk to the teacher if necessary. Note about preschoolers: moderate your expectations. 2-year-olds: parallel play 3-4 year-olds: associative play New is Fun This may not be true, especially for a child with more sensory needs. Be mindful: even new clothes could cause sensory alarms. We want them to feel comfortable during their first week of school. Don’t try to introduce new foods into their lunches during the first few weeks. Schedule Most parents are excited about the new schedules. New school schedule New home schedule New extracurriculars Don’t start all the new schedules at the same time as the school schedule. A new school year is taxing on a child’s body. Your child may need to release pent-up energies after school. If this episode was helpful, please share it! And if you need strategies, Kelly is here for you: Monthly membership Instagram - Check out linktree 1 on 1 consult call Website Please subscribe to the podcast YouTube Apple Podcasts Spotify
E17
Jan 13, 2023
32:00

Ep. #16 - Could You Be Contributing To Your Child's Bad Behavior By Creating Confusion?

Explicit
In today’s episode, Kelly is diving into three ways that parents often create confusion for their children, as well as three ways that parents can combat that confusion. To start this podcast episode, Kelly offers a brief overview of human systems and behaviors: particularly how they pertain to children. She reminds her listeners that each human being is unique, so the way a child needs to hear his/her parents’ message will be unique to that child. Three ways parents are contributing to confusion: Communication - Words Mom threatens, but doesn’t follow through - this is confusing to children. Young kids need the message to be simple: fewest possible words. Please, thank you, I’m so proud of you: Finish the statement. When you say “good job!” tell them exactly why you’re saying it. You did a good job taking the trash out! I’m so proud of you, because… This helps your child feel seen, heard, and validated. Our words and our actions need to add up. Focus on connection, not instant compliance. Communicate with teachers about how you’re handling communication with your child. Boundaries Words and actions have to go together. Have boundaries and hold them: this builds trust with your kids. Avoid mixed messages -don’t punish and then give a treat. Non-verbal body language is confusing if it doesn’t match the words the parent is saying. Give kids the vocabulary of different emotions. Husband and Wife Are Not On The Same Page Parents should be on the same page about everything for each child. Schedule Discipline Goals Find simple ways to talk to kids. Here are Kelly’s three suggestions for combating the confusion: Check out her monthly membership. Consider 1-on-1 coaching for 10 weeks. Learn your own sensory profile. Connect with Kelly! Instagram Please subscribe to the podcast YouTube Apple Podcasts Spotify
E16
Jan 13, 2023
38:32

Ep. #15 - Why You Should Allow Your Kids to be Naughty

Today, Kelly is admitting that she likes to let kids be naughty, and she’s sharing two ways that it’s beneficial for you and for your child when you allow mischief to occur. She also shares several real-life examples - including her own childhood experience! - to emphasize how giving children the freedom to be “naughty” can help them understand themselves in a deeper way. Two Ways That Naughtiness Is Beneficial: It is healthy, normal growth and development. 3-8 year-olds are expanding in multiple ways. They’re experiencing independence. It’s how God wired them to grow. Most kids don’t intend harm: they’re learning and curious. There are similarities in ages and stages, but there is a uniqueness to each child. They’re learning cause and effect, and how they impact the environment. It helps kids figure out if something is right for them. Some kids are rule followers. These kids need help learning to break rules, to teach them adaptability and that it’s okay to be imperfect. When we create a safe way for them to be naughty, we do not get unexpected explosions of naughtiness. Kids are learning how to handle emotions. We can create ways to help them release frustration without leading to disaster in a social setting. Young children can’t be expected to function perfectly for long periods of time without melting down. If you give your kids little outlets for their emotions, you’ll avoid the explosions and outbursts. And now… Creative ways to let your kids feel like they’re being mischievous! Crazy car chase! Allow your child to use a hole punch/sharpie/stapler. Eat ice cream before dinner. Use a loaf of bread like playdough. Pillow fights on the bed Bubbles inside the house Let them jump in the pool with their clothes on. Connect with Kelly! Monthly Membership Instagram Please subscribe to the podcast YouTube Apple Podcasts Spotify
E15
Jan 10, 2023
36:57

Ep. #14 - How Has Covid Affected Small Children

In today’s show, Kelly addresses the effects of the Covid lockdowns on children, beginning with three common responses she saw from parents concerning Covid. Denial These parents insist, “We’re done, we’re moving on, it’s over.” Fear and Anxiety These parents are prone to a negative, downward spiral. The parent’s energy and stress transfer to the child. The Proactive Parent This is the parent Kelly is focusing on in this episode. This response is about adjusting to new situations. Covid has impacted children in many areas, and throughout this episode, Kelly breaks down each area through her professional lens. Areas Impacted By Covid: Academic Skills Kids are not where they are supposed to be, academically. Zoom was not effective. There is a body/brain connection - optimal learning happens when children can move and be emotionally engaged, which was impossible during Covid. Social/Emotional Skills During the ages of 3-8 years-old, children are learning social cues, facial expressions, eye contact, and connection. Masks confused this process: you cannot have a personal connection while talking through a shield. This lack of connection and disruption of academic standards has caused an increase of frustration and negative behaviors at home and at school. Increase in Mental Health Issues Currently, records of mental health issues are off the charts. Parents are working full-time jobs while being full-time parents and full-time teachers. This has impacted the peace and harmony of the family. Deficit in Physical Skills Many kids have experienced a decrease in energy and vibrancy. Zoom exhausted kids. They are no longer sitting correctly. There has been an even greater decrease in fine motor skills. Because of technology, we were already seeing a decline in the ability to cut, hold a pencil, and sit up with appropriate core strength before Covid. Some kids didn’t learn at all, or learned incorrectly. A lot of teachers don’t acknowledge that there are significant deficits. Some kids in middle school continued to wear the mask after mandates were lifted because they learned to hide behind it. There were deficits in the sensory system: during Covid, kids needed to learn new ways to regulate their sensory systems. If you’re dealing with Covid deficits and would like some help, please reach out to Kelly: she has wonderful options to get you the support and tools you need! Coaching Package Monthly Membership Please subscribe to the podcast YouTube Apple Podcasts Spotify
E14
Jan 10, 2023
34:08
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