Bite Thy Thumb

by Ethan, Jarrett, and James

Comedy Music Sports

S2E11. Jarrett, Union Buster or Clairvoyant? He Might Know, You Find Out!

You obviously like scams if you support this podcast; may we interest you in a 2 year old review of the docuseries about the McDonald’s monopoly scam? (0:03:30). Your regularly scheduling scamming resumes with audio content such as: Jarrett apologizing to Ime Udoka and the Celtics (0:12:56), MLB lockout thoughts and pocket watching minor leaguers (0:29:42), a troubling yet plausible Patriots conspiracy theory (0:46:47), analyzing the crimes against Russell Westbr*ck (0:56:35), and making plans to Tee off like Grizzley (1:04:20). Bonus footage: James the Human Eraser [skit] (1:08:46).

S2E10. Forced into Conversation: An Ethan Anxiety Story

The boys are back and going international as Ethan takes a trip to Ireland and meets the rudest human being of his life (0:00:47). We have the collective attention span of a fly in this smorgasbord of an episode as we bounce from topic to topic, including your favorite hits such as: shoveling treasures of out of the snow while almost destroying someone’s snowblower (0:14:18), year old Super Bowl takes (0:21:38), Pokémon Arceus reflections Part II (0:31:14), The Antichrist presents: Steph & Ayesha Curry Dating Game (0:46:15), LeBron looking for more LeAttention (0:54:14), medieval axe throwing and a Viking cult conspiracy theory (1:05:22), officially denouncing Kanye West‘s musical works and actions after 2014] (1:13:00), and a short but significant James story ominously foreshadowing future podcast topics (1:23:25).

S2E9. Lights...Camera...Ethan vs James: Choose Your Faction!

The boys are back after a brief hiatus, and we’re breaking news right away as Ethan returns to the Broadway stage 12 years after his Tony winning performance in Wicked [and by that I mean Wicked Pissah, the Boston based reenactment of l the Stephen Schwartz musical] (0:06:09). We get together to both complain about and reason with the NFL seasonal award results (0:13:48) as well as submit our 2 week old super bowl predictions for your entertainment (0:27:38). Should you kick the field goal, should you go for it, should you stop listening to this podcast altogether? (0:42:14). We get some DeflateGate venting off our chest 7 years later (0:48:30) and dive into the Olympic figure skating doping scandal (0:54:53). We dive all the way into our review of Pokemon: Legends of Arceus (1:12:28) which leads to an epic Ethan rant blowing up at Jameses controversial opinions (1:49:50). Our nightcap for the evening is a fine glass of Patriots propaganda with a chaser of Mac Jones love (2:01:10).

S2E8. Fights, Slights, and Caramel Delights

The civil discourse surrounding our successful Chinese food gathering before the failed Love Show quickly ends when the Trigger Warning debacle surrounding the Butt Cyst Story is rehashed [how’s THAT for a sentence] (0:08:18). James antagonizes the nation once again, this time in regard to Pokémon Legends: Arceus (0:19:11). We ask the important question: do fans of things always suck? We answer this and also pretend we are extremely smart game developers (0:30:15). Tom Brady’s 9 page retirement post somehow did not mention the Patriots OR the Bite Thy Thumb podcast (0:46:11). We keep James on mute just a little more with some general NFL rumblings (1:10:21) before shutting this bad boy down by spitting some game about Girl Scout Cookies (1:17:39) and the return of Fortnite (1:24:00).

S2E7. Squeam if You Can Dig It

Pain and tragedy. One man’s comeback. Podcast tension and a host determined to destroy all that is good. The Butt Cyst Story (0:03:50). We completely exclude James from the pod entirely to discuss the NFL playoffs and football current events (0:19:09) but we do allow him to participate in debating which NFL players age like wine or cheese as well as a little dynasty discourse (0:32:09). We stay in our Sporty Spice lane with a brief Superb Owl preview (0:46:04) as well as some NFL draft talk and how pro-scouts are basically weather people (0:52:31). Finally, we bring it on home with some very classy and thought provoking bidet talk (1:03:59) and previewing the new Pokemon: Legends of Arceus game (1:10:32).

S2E6. The Bog Man Gets Paid

Tragedy strikes again, and this time it’s not just another Bite Thy Thumb episode: The Impractical Jokers are dead (0:00:56). On the contrary, the man who submerses himself in bogs is alive and prospering (0:06:21). We talk SNL and insult comedy (0:16:42) before diving into a surprisingly deep conversation about the topic of Chappelle and the state of comedy (0:30:40). Wash that down immediately with Chinese buffets and cocktails (0:43:33), fixing major fast food chains (0:53:32), and previewing a new drinking episode while reflecting on our old drinking episodes [and maybe another love show?] (1:04:48). We wrap this baby up by crying about the Celtics (1:16:56) and presenting very accurate predictions about the year 2022 (1:23:48).

S2E5. James Magorium's Basket Market Emporium

This episode time-traveled from 2021 into the future just to ruin your new year early. James hears the Bite Thy Thumb podcast for the first time and also discovers we’ve been doing a fantasy football league despite 3 of our 18 podcasts being centered around said fantasy league (0:02:56). We celebrate and criticize Ethan’s championship and discuss how we made out with our fantasy portfolios this year (0:11:23). We dip back into the world of [hypothetical] stealing and the supermarket giant Barket Masket (0:26:22), struggle through playing the Ultimate Dinner Plate game (0:45:32), relive some hall of fame Ethan v Jarrett meltdowns because we definitely didn’t edit one out of this episode (1:01:55), and finally, bring home this terrible year with the even more terrible Bite Thy Thumb: Year in Review (1:10:26).

S2E4. 'Twas the Night Before Jamesmas

The Thumb Elves are back with the Christmas episode and boy is it the worst gift under your tree. We talk about the existence of Santa Clause [warning: SPOILERS] as well as the existence of Chunky peanut butter [warning: GRAPHIC VIOLENCE] (0:04:16). We evaluate how poorly we’d perform in a $5,000 secret Santa grab (0:15:46), Christmas Day battle strategies (0:35:15), how pristine the original iPods were (0:43:19), and which Christmas songs deserve to be praised vs. which deserve to experience the ultimate dishonor… being sung by us on a podcast (0:54:13).

S2E3. Stayin' A-LIVE Show

The Love Show begins with some late night relationship advice from Big Dr. D down in Georgia (0:01:12). We show the fan(s) some love on the love show (0:12:27) and also acknowledge the existence of music and sounds (0:21:06). We ride out the love wave wondering if Ben Simmons could hit a couple hundred threes to save his life (0:37:11), new music Friday review (0:41:20), enjoying various places we do not live in (0:51:59), a fruitful Hawaiian rock music review (0:57:10), some metacognitive podcast reflections (1:16:45), and finally, the topic that will dominate the conversation at your holiday table… what’s the deal with rock music from Wisconsin?! (1:20:35).

S2E2. Dust Crabs

Oh yeah baby. We’re back again. We collectively launch ourselves out of a cannon by discussing the latest new music Friday offerings from artists both dead and alive, all of whom could use microphones better than us (0:01:07). Jarrett furiously re-enacts the guy who speaks the ESPN introductions before hyping up the Brady doc (0:07:59). Do you enjoy rappers saying funny things? You’ll enjoy it even more when we say them! (0:16:36). We send you home with all your favorite classics, including: Is everyone on earth popular? (0:22:05), Thumb biters origin stories, (0:28:36), the Month Draft (0:34:34), a Bite Thy Foot-Thumb fantasy football update (0:52:10), introducing a new music segment for Season 2 (0:57:54), and finally, you know we can’t end without talking a little Pokémon (1:04:54).

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