Wellish

Wellish

di Sarah Ritondale
Stagione 4

How to tell if your self improvement is actually self rejection

What if your self-improvement isn’t actually helping you feel better, it’s just giving you more reasons to feel like you’re not good enough yet? In this episode, we’re talking about the difference between healthy personal growth and self-rejection disguised as self-improvement. Especially if you’re naturally more relaxed, flexible, or Type B but keep trying to force yourself into the perfectly disciplined, productive, “best version of yourself” you think you’re supposed to become. We’ll talk about the signs your self-help habits have turned into a way of judging yourself, why your imaginary “better self” may be impossible to live up to, and how to keep growing without treating who you are right now like a problem that needs to be fixed. Because you can want better habits, more confidence, bigger goals, and a better life without making self-improvement the price of finally feeling good enough.

Confession: I thought confidence would stop me from ever feeling inadequate

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What if confidence isn’t finally becoming someone you can’t find fault with? In this episode, we’re talking about what happens when you’re naturally easygoing, but you still put an insane amount of pressure on yourself to become more productive, disciplined, secure, successful, interesting, or “put together” so you can finally feel good enough. For years, I thought confidence would make me feel so capable and secure that I’d stop having reasons to question myself. But real confidence might be almost the opposite. You’re still going to have moments when you’re behind. Wrong. Rejected. Less skilled. Unproductive. Not someone’s favorite. You’re still going to find things about yourself that you want to improve. The difference is that those moments no longer become proof that something is wrong with you. We’re getting into the difference between self-confidence and constantly collecting proof that you’re good enough, why self-improvement can quietly become self-rejection, and how to grow without turning every weakness into another reason to fix yourself. Because maybe confidence isn’t never feeling inadequate. Maybe it’s knowing you won’t turn against yourself when you do.

You keep trying to become “that girl” but you’re not the problem

If you’re naturally easygoing but constantly worried that you’re too lazy, too inconsistent, or not disciplined enough, you might have spent years trying to turn yourself into a completely different person. You consume self improvement because you want to feel better about yourself. But somehow every new routine, habit, productivity rule, or “best version of yourself” checklist just gives you another way to feel like you’re falling short. So you try harder. You become more disciplined. More self-aware. More productive. More agreeable. More put together. But you still don’t feel good enough. In this episode, we’re talking about what happens when self-improvement becomes a way to reject who you already are and how to grow without constantly trying to become the kind of person you think no one could criticize, reject, or call lazy. We’ll talk about why your ideal self may not actually fit your personality, why accepting your Type B nature doesn’t mean giving up on growth, and how to build habits and a life around the person you actually are. You don’t need to become “that girl” before you’re allowed to feel proud of yourself. You grow because you care about yourself, not because you believe who you are now isn’t good enough.

Confession: I was trying to become someone nobody would criticize

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If you’ve ever tried to become prettier, more disciplined, more successful, more emotionally mature, more confident or just more like that girl because you thought you’d finally feel good enough once you got there, this episode is for you. For years, I thought becoming my ideal self would make me impossible to criticize, reject, or abandon. So I hyperanalyzed myself, tried to fix every flaw, and treated my naturally Type B, sensitive, messy, comfort-loving personality like something I needed to outgrow. But no matter how much I improved, the finish line kept moving (even though I was convinced it didn’t) In this episode, I’m sharing what finally changed: why trying to earn self-worth through self-improvement was actually making me trust myself less, how I stopped organizing my life around other people’s perception of me, and the practice that helped me build enough self-trust to handle criticism, embarrassment, mistakes, and rejection without abandoning myself. Because the goal isn’t to stop growing. It’s to be able to want more for yourself without making who you are right now the enemy. You don’t have to become your ideal self to finally be good enough.

You’re not un-magnetic you’re just used to abandoning yourself

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What if becoming more magnetic has less to do with being prettier, cooler, more confident, or more interesting and more to do with finally giving yourself permission to take up space? In this episode of Wellish, we’re talking about the subtle ways we abandon ourselves to stay likable: over-explaining, people-pleasing, being the “good girl,” hiding our preferences, monitoring how we’re being perceived, and making ourselves smaller so other people feel comfortable. We’ll unpack why emotional safety is one of the most attractive qualities a person can have, how people-pleasing disconnects you from your own personality, and what it actually looks like to stop shrinking yourself without becoming inconsiderate or performatively confident. Because magnetism isn’t about becoming someone everyone wants. It’s about learning how to stay on your own side even when someone else might not choose you.

I’m trying to become less self aware

What if becoming more confident and magnetic has less to do with improving yourself—and more to do with thinking about yourself less? In this episode of Confessions of a Wellish Girly, I’m talking about how I confused being impressive with being magnetic. I thought confidence would come from becoming attractive enough, successful enough, interesting enough, healed enough, or accomplished enough that I could finally stop worrying about how people saw me. Instead, I’m realizing how much of my life I’ve spent self-monitoring: Did I say the right thing? Was I weird? Do they like me? How am I coming across? We’re talking about the difference between self-awareness and self-surveillance, why the most magnetic people often aren’t the most polished people in the room, and what happens when you stop asking, “Do they like me?” and start asking, “Do I like it here?” Maybe confidence isn’t becoming someone impossible to reject. Maybe it’s being present enough to stop constantly editing yourself.

Learning to enjoy the now, fear of failure, and redefining success with Brian Pultro

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In this episode, Brian Pultro is back on Wellish for a conversation about ambition, success, failure, identity, and the pressure to constantly become a better version of yourself. We talk about why so many of us treat happiness like something waiting on the other side of the next goal, why the definition of success keeps changing as we move through life, and what happens when ambition stops being something you have and starts becoming who you are. Brian also opens up about retiring after 20 years in the Navy, losing a piece of his identity in the process, setting a goal to run a marathon before he feels remotely ready, and the belief about himself he’s been carrying since he was 17. We get into fear of failure, saying your goals out loud before you can prove yourself, meaningful lives versus impressive ones, the tiny ways perfectionism shows up in everyday life, and why sometimes the very thing you’re chasing is keeping you from noticing that you may have already arrived. If you’re constantly moving the goalpost on yourself, waiting to feel successful enough to relax, or treating your life like one long self-improvement project, this conversation is for you.

Confidence isn’t certainty it’s how to become someone you trust

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What if confidence isn’t believing everything will work out, but trusting yourself even when it doesn’t? In this episode of Wellish, we’re talking about identity-based confidence: the kind that doesn’t disappear when someone rejects you, criticizes you, doesn’t choose you, or life simply doesn’t go according to plan. We’ll unpack the difference between confidence and self-trust, why compliments and external validation can never create lasting confidence, and how to build evidence that you’ll have your own back. We’ll also talk about keeping promises to yourself without turning your life into another self-improvement project, surviving rejection without making it mean something about your worth, and becoming someone you can depend on even when you feel uncertain. Because real confidence isn’t “I know I’ll succeed.” It’s “I know I’ll be okay either way.”

The Wellish guide to magnetism & confidence

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This month on Wellish, we’re talking about magnetism and confidence, but not the kind that requires becoming hotter, cooler, more mysterious, or completely unbothered. In this very casual Confessions of a Wellish Girly episode, I’m yapping about why I chose this theme, the ways I’ve caught myself chasing validation, people, opportunities, and proof that I’m doing enough, and what I actually want confidence to mean instead. We’re getting into becoming the chooser instead of constantly trying to be chosen, pursuing what you want without making the outcome determine your worth, and learning how to have your own back even when you’re awkward, uncertain, rejected, or still figuring it out.

Stop chasing and let yourself be chosen

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What happens when wanting to be chosen turns into trying to prove that you deserve to be? In this episode of Wellish, we’re talking about the difference between healthy pursuit and anxious chasing and why the harder you work to earn validation, love, friendship, opportunity, or success, the less like yourself you can begin to feel. You’ll learn how to recognize when you’re auditioning for approval, why inconsistency can make you perform even harder, and what magnetic people do differently. This isn’t about becoming passive, pretending not to care, or waiting for life to come to you. It’s about expressing what you want without abandoning yourself to get it. Because self-trust isn’t knowing that someone will choose you. It’s knowing you won’t reject yourself if they don’t.
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