Temporada 7
my thoughts on the people pleasing dynamic. i think healthy, balanced relationships take more work that we are willing to admit and it starts with your relationship with yourself first :') more thoughts to come!!!! let me know yours too!!! 01:10 1. people pleasing dynamic 02:29 2. connotations of people pleasing 03:46 3. re-defining love 04:07 4. underlying mindset 04:42 5. being questioned/dismissed 05:10 6. the habit of people pleasing 05:39 7. non-negotiable hobbies to create boundaries 06:59 8. consistency is key 07:17 9. living to your full potential is the priority 08:28 10. resentment and self-abandonment/disappointment 08:51 11. other people’s problems actually aren’t your problem 09:16 12. redirect the energy into something constructive/creative/for yourself 10:04 13. accept that you’ve underestimated your ability/capacity/potential 10:21 14. people pleasing creates an inauthentic dynamic 10:41 15. make a note of incompatibilities as they arise 11:10 16. notice the reflex of taking it personally 11:31 17. you feel like a bitch compared to the people-pleasing version of you 12:31 18. who cares 12:51 19. the price of being hot and having fun 13:18 20. learn to discern 13:38 21. don’t let people guilt you into a lose-win situation 14:00 22. pay me to care 14:58 23. boundaries are self-responsibility for your energy and attention 15:42 24. allow space to process your own emotions and triggers too 17:06 25. people pleasing in group dynamics 18:03 26. write down your priorities 18:58 27. accept the consequences & take responsibility, are you willing to pay the price 19:15 29. your integrity is compromised if you are always looking to assign blame to others follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completion https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
youtube episode: https://youtu.be/e4hrPViYKK8 using an analogy about food to talk about transactional relationships and energy exchange. often times we are too externally focused on how other people behave and guessing their intentions. in reality, i feel like when you are locked in on what YOUR intentions are and contributing/giving/showing up from an authentic place, you take everything less personally and which relationships are mutually beneficial and reciprocal will naturally present themselves. your ability to discern who you do and don't want to be around will improve over time as well! let me know your thoughts and any other analogy ideas you have! follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla siren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2 autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270 slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completion https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
youtube episode: https://youtu.be/boT5swEW5vs if you've been following me for a while, you'll probably have heard me reference and recommend this book over and over. the six pillars of self-esteem by nathaniel branden literally changed my life, it put so much of what i was struggling to put into practice, into words and actionable steps. i can't recommend this book enough!!! rather than just repeating what is already in the book - because i recommend you read it for yourself - this video approaches the pillars of self-esteem through the lens of being hot & having fun. let me know if you've read the book and please keep me posted if you do! i've made a summary and sentence completion worksheet that is available for purchase and download. you can use it as additional journal prompts in your journalling or thought-dumping practice! The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completion The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem https://amzn.to/496J0SD (*) affiliate link this is the first video in the 'hot girl book club' series where i discuss books that have been directly or indirectly influential on me and the philosophy of being hot & having fun. 05:06 - being hot & having fun revision 05:54 - pillar i: the practice of living consciously 07:00 - pillar ii: the practice of self-acceptance 09:06 - pillar iii: the practice of self-responsibility 10:55 - pillar iv: the practice of self-assertiveness 12:57 - pillar v: the practice of living purposefully 14:38 - pillar vi: the practice of personal integrity 21:57 - the principle of reciprocal causation
i’ve been going on about the importance of a non-negotiable hobby for ages and i’ve also had a lot of questions about pole dance so this is a video that covers both!! 01:05 - non-negotiable hobby: defined 05:40 - my journey with pole dance 08:39 - dance & sexuality/sexuality 10:36 - the power of consistency & practice 11:06 - static vs spin pole 11:39 - tricks vs choreo 13:16 - buying heels 14:39 - body types 15:20 - pain tolerance 15:49 - types of grip 16:37 - knee pads & clothing 17:20 - prepping for class 17:27 - embrace the learning curve follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla siren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2 autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270 slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
youtube episode: https://youtu.be/fCgEU8hkT2A i get a lot of questions about how to handle conflict with parents. while i can't speak to the nuances of every relationship, here are some thoughts and feelings that i hope might be applicable or helpful. i know the holiday season can be really overwhelming for some people and i think there are ways we can prepare so that we aren't wasting too much energy on being ugly & having a bad time so we can focus on being hot & having fun, duh!!! 02:19 - 1. your parents want what’s best for you 03:50 - 2. your parents are random people 06:17 - 3. practice gratitude 09:46 - 4. avoid overcommunicating 12:53 - 5. embrace the way your relationship changes over time 14:27 - 6. come up with a game plan 15:23 - 7. cultivate the habit of creating your own safe space 17:07 - 8. financial independence follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla siren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2 autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270 slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
youtube episode: https://youtu.be/l2Fnj9WalcU trying is cool !!!!!! 01:26 - nonchalant definitions & connotations 02:46 - the opposite of nonchalant 04:13 - what being “chalant” requires of you 05:22 - don’t compare their end result to your first step 06:05 - familiarize yourself with the discomfort of progress 06:51 - what is the value you want in the process vs the outcome 07:37 - the only person accountable for your time is you 08:38 - being nonchalant is the reward, not the motivator 08:55 - focus on how you want to FEEL not just how it will look 09:27 - pick your hard 10:16 - everyone’s full capacity if unique to them 11:59 - don’t waste energy making assumptions about other people 13:16 - regulate your emotions 14:13 - looking good is expensive - materially & energetically 16:02 - focus on yourself!!!! 16:35 - am i really working to my full capacity? 17:25 - have a real purpose behind what you do 17:48 - you will be out-chalanted 18:04 - the real competition is between you and your former self 18:19 - imagine yourself in the past and in the future 18:43 - don’t die waiting for other people’s permission 20:04 - GET OVER YOURSELF follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla siren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2 autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270 slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
an intro to how i think about and practice awareness around patriarchal conditioning, internalised misogyny and de-centering men. a very complex topic which i hope we can further explore together. for many women the only thing between them and their next slay is a man or the imagined gaze of a man........ let's de-condition together!! i have a patreon only video about recent encounters that made me reflect on the nuances of misandry and hating men as well ~ come join us on patreon!!! 00:57 - 1. the patriarchy 03:35 - 2. the “pick-me” seed 09:45 - 3. the 4 A’s of realizing things - awareness - anger - acceptance - action 10:41 - 4. how is the seed activated 12:09 - 5. challenging your ego 12:54 - 6. integration not avoidance 13:40 - 7. lean into your insecurities & reclaim your skills 14:57 - 8. beauty 15:55 - 9. domestic labour 17:04 - 10. desirability 19:46 - 11. emotional labour 20:40 - 12. radically accept & stay woke subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270 slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
youtube episode: https://youtu.be/vOWAI0hOp-M hi baddies ~ here are some thoughts for anyone feeling overwhelmed about their job and how it fits into their identity or feel like there's something wrong with them that they don't feel 'passionate' about their job. obviously this is a very nuanced topic and this is just one perspective. let me know what you think, share your experiences and let me know which other angles we can discuss from! love ya xx 02:34 - 02:56 - don’t make assumptions about other people’s work 02:58 - 04:00 - aspire for a full life & identity, not one just consumed by work 04:02 - 04:27 - detach from your job 04:27 - 04:48 - how can your job facilitate a life with passion 04:51 - 06:18 - hustle culture 06:27 - 07:01 - the privilege of awareness 07:02 - 07:36 - disrespect is not a prerequesite to success 07:39 - 11:25 - reverse engineer the vibe of success for you 11:28 - 11:43 - micro-dosing risk 11:45 - 12:05 - do an audit of your life 12:05 - 13:01 - don’t assume that all hobbies need to be monetized 13:04 - 14:02 - figure out your balance between compensation & creativity 14:10 - 14:18 - this is a chapter not the whole book follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla siren songs playlist for femininity and slay https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2 autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270 slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
youtube episode: https://youtu.be/8Opz3x8ws48 be mindful of who you give vibe donations to!!!! 01:57 - 1. low vs high vibrations 05:09 - 2. self-awareness 06:12 - 3. superficial connections 07:16 - 4. vibe donation 10:44 - 5. check for blindspots 13:37 - 6. define the vibe you want for your life 16:06 - 7. negging 17:58 - 8. emotional voids 18:52 - 9. protect yourself 19:47 - 10. what is being exchanged in the relationship 20:27 - 11. there’s no prize for “best people pleaser” 21:00 - 12. break the cycle, re-direct energy 21:30 - 13. conversations can open you up to manipulation 22:13 - 14. quiet withdrawal 22:32 - 15. let people feel your absence 22:49 - 16. focus on yourself 23:31 - 17. having a conversation 24:04 - 18. price of re-entry 25:19 - 19. personal responsibility to keep adjusting 26:06 - 20. the hard cut off/ no contact 27:14 - 21. be ok with being a b*tch follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla siren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2 autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270 slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
youtube episode: https://youtu.be/TblTGkOemwI i got sent videos about this article by so many people i decided to just share some thoughts in a video!! i think the article was great and is indicative of a shift in how people view and value relationship status as part of their identity and self-worth. read the article here: https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/is-having-a-boyfriend-embarrassing-now books mentioned: The Tragedy of Heterosexuality by Jane Ward https://amzn.to/4jvfFoz (*) The Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peck https://amzn.to/496J0SD (*) The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden https://amzn.to/496J0SD (*) 02:12 - being hot & having fun 04:08 - what is love? 04:39 - what we learn about ourselves through dating dynamics 06:29 - discussing the article 10:08 - does having a boyfriend facilitate being hot & having fun 14:36 - defining and embodying being hot & having fun 17:10 - exercising your female rights 19:55 - heterosexuality and patriarchy 20:39 - who are you outside of your relationship status? 22:21 - being intentionally single 23:18 - heterosexual repair industry 24:47 - cognitive dissonance 27:30 - the effect of social media on our perception of relationships 29:00 - when influencers post their boyfriends 31:17 - to hard launch or not to hard launch 32:57 - your relationship is other people’s entertainment 34:06 - is your relationship part of your story or your identity 35:08 - i think its embarrassing to be sad for too long…period follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla siren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2 slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla