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The We in Werk

by Kim Holland

Education Society & Culture

Season 2

What Stories did you Inherit?

Which Stories did you Inherit? Many of the beliefs that shape our lives were formed long before we had the ability to question them. In this episode of Wild Child Summer, we explore how family systems, inherited beliefs, and generational patterns influence our identity, relationships, and sense of self. Drawing on the Bowen Family Systems Theory, narrative psychology, and Carl Jung's work on the unconscious, this episode examines how family "rules" about emotions, success, work, love, and self-worth become internalized—and how we can begin deciding which beliefs to keep and which to leave behind. In This Episode How family systems shape identity and emotional patterns Murray Bowen's concept of differentiation of self Emotional fusion and its impact on relationships and wellbeing How beliefs about work, rest, emotions, success, and worth are passed across generations Why inherited family stories often feel like objective truth How narrative identity allows us to rewrite inherited beliefs without rejecting our families Reflection Questions What messages did your family communicate about work, emotions, ambition, or asking for what you needed? Which beliefs feel authentically yours, and which may have been inherited? What family story are you ready to rewrite? This Week's Exercise Create three journal columns: What I was taught What I believed because of it What I believe now Repeat the exercise for areas such as love, worthiness, work, emotions, success, your body, and what you owe other people. Pay attention to the space between inherited beliefs and your own conclusions—that space is where personal growth begins. References (APA 7th Edition) Bowen, M. (1978). Family therapy in clinical practice. Jason Aronson. Hughes, M. E., & Gullone, E. (2021). Differentiation of self: A meta-analysis of its associations with psychological and relational functioning. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 13(2), 242–266. Jung, C. G. (1969). The archetypes and the collective unconscious (2nd ed., R. F. C. Hull, Trans.). Princeton University Press. (Original work published 1959) McAdams, D. P. (2013). The redemptive self: Stories Americans live by (Revised and expanded ed.). Oxford University Press.

When did you Stop Playing?

When Did You Stop Playing? What if play isn't something we outgrow—but something our brains continue to need? In Episode 2 of Wild Child Summer, we explore why play is far more than a childhood pastime. Drawing on psychology, neuroscience, and developmental research, this episode examines how modern adulthood is often absent from play. You'll learn how play supports creativity, resilience, emotional flexibility, and authentic self-expression, why many adults gradually stop engaging in genuine play, and how reconnecting with playful experiences may help us rediscover who we are beneath performance and expectation. In This Episode Why play is a biological drive, not a luxury The neuroscience behind play and brain development How adolescence and social pressure disconnect us from play The difference between productivity and intrinsic joy Why losing play may contribute to stress, rigidity, and feeling disconnected from yourself A simple 20-minute exercise to help you reconnect with curiosity and spontaneity Reflection Questions When was the last time you did something purely for the joy of it? What activities made you lose track of time as a child? What beliefs arise when you try to do something with no purpose other than enjoyment? This Week's Challenge Set aside 20 uninterrupted minutes to engage in an activity with no goal, no audience, no expectation of improvement, and no phone. Notice any thoughts about productivity, guilt, or "wasting time." Rather than judging them, simply observe them. References (APA 7th Edition) Brown, S., & Vaughan, C. (2009). Play: How it shapes the brain, opens the imagination, and invigorates the soul. Avery. Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. Harper & Row. Harter, S. (2012). The construction of the self: Developmental and sociocultural foundations (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Who Were You Before?

Who were you before? Welcome to the first episode of Wild Child Summer, a 15-part series exploring how the social structures in our world (family, school, work, and media) have shaped the person you've become—and what parts of your authentic self may still be waiting beneath years of expectations, achievement, and adaptation. In this episode, Kim explores the psychology of authenticity, identity, and belonging, asking why so many adults feel disconnected from the uninhibited, curious child they once were. Drawing on research from Michael Kernis, Brian Goldman, Susan Harter, John Bowlby, Dan McAdams, Carl Rogers, Robert Kegan, and Carl Jung, this conversation examines how our earliest relationships, family dynamics, and social environments quietly teach us which parts of ourselves are acceptable—and which are hidden away. Rather than romanticizing childhood, this episode offers a thoughtful investigation into how personality develops, why adaptation is necessary for survival, and where adaptation can become self-abandonment. It invites listeners to begin an "archaeology of the self," uncovering the difference between living authentically and simply performing the version of ourselves that earned approval. In this episode: Why childhood photos can evoke a surprising sense of loss The psychology of the "true self" and authenticity How attachment and belonging shape identity Why adaptation often becomes mistaken for personality The stories we tell ourselves—and how they define us The hidden cost of people-pleasing and performance Why becoming yourself may require subtraction rather than addition Three reflective questions to begin reconnecting with your authentic self Reflection for the week: Pay attention to the moments when you feel most like yourself—not when you're performing, achieving, or managing other people's expectations, but when you feel relaxed, present, and genuinely alive. Those moments may reveal more about who you are than any personality test ever could. 3 Questions to sit with: This week's episode invites you to sit with three simple—but revealing—questions: What did you naturally love to do as a child? Before it had to be useful, productive, or impressive, what genuinely captured your curiosity and imagination? When did you first learn that part of you was "too much" or "not enough"? Can you remember a specific moment that taught you to edit, suppress, or change yourself to fit in? What part of yourself has never gone away? What instinct, longing, or way of seeing the world has quietly stayed with you, even if you've spent years trying to ignore or outgrow it? These questions aren't about finding definitive answers—they're an invitation to begin noticing the layers of conditioning that shape your identity and reconnecting with the parts of yourself that have always been there. Next episode: When Did You Stop Playing? Exploring why play matters far beyond childhood—and what we lose when we leave it behind.

BRIDGE Episode: Season 1 Recap and Introduction to Wild Child Summer

Welcome back to The We in Work. After six episodes exploring what it means to be seen, perform, belong, and feel safe, this bridge episode looks back at the questions that shaped Season One and introduces what's coming next: Wild Child Summer, a 15-episode limited series beginning June 17. In This Episode We revisit the central themes of Season One: What does it mean to be truly seen? How much of our social life is performance? What does vulnerability actually require? How does emotional labor shape our relationships and work? Why is loneliness rising despite unprecedented connectivity? What does it mean to feel safe? Looking across all six episodes, a common thread emerges: the gap between our interior selves and the versions of ourselves we've learned to present to the world. Season One explored that friction and the costs of shrinking, performing, and adapting ourselves to fit external expectations. Introducing: Wild Child Summer This summer's series asks a different question: What happens when we stop editing and embrace our inner wildness? Drawing on research into adult play, creativity, positive emotion, and self-expression, Wild Child Summer explores what it means to take up more space, reconnect with curiosity, and live with greater authenticity—without abandoning thoughtfulness or care. Across 15 episodes, we'll explore topics including: Who were you before you learned who you were supposed to be? When did you stop playing? What stories did you inherit? Why do we abandon ourselves? How did we learn self-doubt? What lives in swallowed words? Why are we afraid of being "too much"? What is the grief of an unlived self? What does authenticity actually mean? What does it mean to have permission to take up space? How do we come home to our body? What it means to be wild? New This Season: The Pod Journal Club We're introducing the Pod Journal Club—a simple way to turn listening into conversation. Gather a few friends, colleagues, family members, or thoughtful strangers. Listen to an episode together, discuss the questions it raises, and explore how the ideas connect to your own lives. The goal isn't agreement—it's deeper conversation and shared reflection. The Wild Child Summer Workbook To accompany the series, we've created a digital workbook featuring: Reflective journal prompts for every episode Creative, hands-on activities Small rituals designed to carry each episode's question into daily life Discussion prompts for Pod Journal Club gatherings The workbook is designed for both group participation and solo reflection. Key Takeaway Season One helped us name the friction between how the world works and how humans actually think, feel, and relate. Wild Child Summer asks what comes next. Not a roadmap. Not a prescription. An invitation to explore the parts of yourself that have been waiting patiently beneath performance, compliance, and self-editing—and to see what becomes possible when they are finally given a little more room to breathe. Wild Child Summer begins June 17. Until then, take care, stay true, and into the wild we go!

The We in Werk Season 2: Wild Child Summer (Trailer)

Welcome to Season Two of The We in Werk. This season is called Wild Child Summer—a fifteen-episode exploration of the parts of ourselves that existed before expectations, performance, and social conditioning quietly shaped who we became. Over the next fifteen episodes, we'll slow down and examine the forces that influence how we think, feel, work, relate, and move through the world. Together, we'll explore the tension between who we are and who we learned to be. Drawing on psychology, neuroscience, sociology, philosophy, and lived experience, Wild Child Summer asks: -Who were you before the world told you who to be? - What beliefs, expectations, and systems shaped you along the way? - Which parts of yourself were adapted for survival, belonging, or approval? - And what might it look like to reconnect with the person underneath it all? This season offers thoughtful research, honest reflection, and plenty of curiosity as we investigate the stories we've inherited and the identities we've constructed. Because sometimes the most important journey isn't becoming someone new. It's remembering who you've been all along.

Season 1

What Does it Mean to Feel Safe?

In the Season 1 finale of We In Work, Kim explores the concept of safety as more than the absence of danger. Drawing on Polyvagal Theory, psychological safety research, and personal reflection, she examines how felt safety shapes our ability to connect, learn, create, and grow. Key topics include: The difference between objective safety and felt safety. Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory and the role of the autonomic nervous system. Neuroception: how the body unconsciously scans for safety and threat. The impact of chronic unsafety, hypervigilance, and past experiences on present-day relationships. Co-regulation and the importance of supportive, predictable relationships. Psychological safety in the workplace, including the work of Amy Edmondson and Google’s Project Aristotle. Why meaningful growth requires both safety and vulnerability. Practical reflections on conducting a personal “safety inventory” and creating safety for others. The episode concludes by tying together the season’s themes—being seen, vulnerability, emotional labor, isolation, and safety—and introduces the upcoming Wild Child Summer series. Key Takeaways Safety is a biological state, not merely a rational decision. The nervous system requires felt safety for curiosity, creativity, and connection. Psychological safety enables honesty, learning, and better decision-making. Healing often occurs through repeated experiences of reliability, trust, and co-regulation. Growth requires balancing security with the willingness to take meaningful risks. Small, consistent actions build safety more effectively than grand gestures. References: Edmondson, A. C. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350–383. Fromm, E. (1941). Escape from freedom. Farrar & Rinehart. Google re: Work. (n.d.). Guide: Understand team effectiveness. Google. Retrieved June 13, 2026, from https://rework.withgoogle.com/guides/understanding-team-effectiveness Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company. Porges, S. W. (2021). Polyvagal safety: Attachment, communication, self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

What Does it Mean to Feel Isolated?

Episode Summary: Why do we feel isolated even when surrounded by people? In this episode, we explore the difference between being alone and feeling disconnected, the evolutionary roots of loneliness, and why modern life may be making meaningful connection harder to find. Drawing on neuroscience, psychology, and public health research, we examine isolation as both a personal experience and a societal challenge—and consider what it might be trying to tell us. Key Topics Why isolation is more than simply being alone The evolutionary purpose of loneliness as a survival signal How modern technology can increase connection while reducing belonging The difference between social interaction and meaningful recognition Performance, vulnerability, and the hidden costs of hiding our authentic selves The health impacts of chronic loneliness and social disconnection The “loneliness loop” and how isolation can reinforce itself Why young adults report some of the highest levels of loneliness Adult friendships and the structural challenges of modern life Social media’s complex relationship with connection and belonging Isolation as a systemic issue, not just a personal one What isolation may reveal about our relationships, communities, and ourselves Key Takeaway Isolation is not simply the absence of people—it is the absence of meaningful connection. Rather than viewing loneliness as a personal failure, we can understand it as a deeply human signal that points toward unmet needs for belonging, authenticity, recognition, and connection. What's Next Next week's episode asks: What does it mean to feel safe? Not just physically safe, but safe in the nervous-system sense—the kind of safety that allows us to truly exhale. Season 2 launches June 17: Wild Child Summer — a limited series exploring what it means to live more authentically, take up space in your own life, and stop performing for an audience that isn't paying as much attention as we think. References American Psychological Association. (2025). Stress in America™ 2025: Social connection and emotional support findings. American Psychological Association. Cacioppo, J. T., & Patrick, W. (2008). Loneliness: Human nature and the need for social connection. W. W. Norton & Company. Cacioppo, J. T., Hawkley, L. C., & Thisted, R. A. (2010). Perceived social isolation makes me sad [...]. Psychology and Aging, 25(2), 453–463. English Longitudinal Study of Ageing. (n.d.). Research on social isolation and loneliness among older adults. University College London. Gallup & Meta. (2022). The global state of social connections. Gallup. Matthews, T., Danese, A., Caspi, A., Fisher, H. L., Goldman-Mellor, S., Kepa, A., Moffitt, T. E., Odgers, C. L., & Arseneault, L. (2019). Lonely young adults in modern Britain [...]. Psychological Medicine, 49(2), 268–277. Murthy, V. H. (2023). Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory [...]. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office of the Surgeon General. Spreng, R. N., Dimas, E., Mwilambwe-Tshilobo, L., Dagher, A., Koellinger, P., Nave, G., Ong, A., Kernbach, J. M., Wiecki, T. V., Ge, T., Li, Y., Holmes, A. J., Yeo, B. T. T., & Turner, G. R. (2020). The default network of the human brain is associated with perceived social isolation. Nature Communications, 11(1), Article 6393. United Kingdom Government. (2018). A connected society: A strategy for tackling loneliness – Laying the foundations for change. Department for Digital, Culture, Media & Sport.

What does it Mean to perform Emotional Labour?

What Does It Mean to Perform Emotional Labour? There’s a kind of exhaustion that rarely leaves visible evidence. No one sees the effort it takes to monitor a room before speaking, soften criticism to protect someone else’s feelings, manage tensions, anticipate needs, smooth over conflict, or balance the emotional temperature of a workplace, family, or relationship. In this episode of The We in Werk, we explore the concept of emotional labour: what it is, where the term came from, why it matters, and what it costs the people who perform it. Drawing on the work of sociologist Arlie Hochschild, we trace the origins of emotional labour from service industries like aviation and customer service to its modern use in conversations about relationships, caregiving, domestic life, and gender expectations. Along the way, we examine research on burnout, emotional suppression, mental load, invisible labour, and the hidden emotional infrastructure that keeps organizations, families, and communities functioning. We also ask some uncomfortable questions: Is all emotional management a form of labour? When does care become exploitation? What happens when emotional regulation is performed for survival rather than choice? And how much of our social stability depends on invisible work that goes largely unrecognized? This conversation isn't about offering easy solutions. It's about making the invisible visible—and considering what changes when we finally acknowledge the emotional work happening all around us. In This Episode The origins of the term emotional labour and the work of Arlie Hochschild Surface acting vs. deep acting: the psychology of emotional performance Why emotional labour is linked to burnout, stress, and emotional exhaustion The relationship between emotional labour, mental load, and invisible labour Gender expectations and the unequal distribution of emotional management The hidden emotional work performed in workplaces, families, and relationships Emotional labour as a survival strategy The connection between emotional labour and childhood adaptation Why acknowledgment can reduce burnout—even when workloads remain unchanged Individual responsibility versus systemic design Key Takeaway One of the reasons emotional labour is so exhausting is not simply the effort itself—it's the invisibility. Research suggests that when emotional work is acknowledged and validated, people experience lower levels of burnout, even when the demands themselves remain unchanged. Noticing emotional labour does not solve structural inequity. But recognition can transform the experience of carrying a burden alone. Questions to Reflect On What emotional work do you perform so routinely that you no longer recognize it as work? Who in your life quietly manages the emotional temperature of the room? Where have care and obligation become difficult to distinguish? What systems in your workplace, family, or community depend on invisible emotional labour to function? Books & Thinkers Mentioned The Managed Heart — Arlie Hochschild Nel Noddings and the Ethics of Care Connect If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who carries more emotional labour than anyone realizes. And if you're enjoying The We in Werk, please consider following, rating, and reviewing the show. It helps more thoughtful humans find these conversations.

What does it Mean to be Vulnerable?

Vulnerability is often celebrated in theory and avoided in practice. In this episode, we explore why. What does it actually mean to be vulnerable in a culture organized around performance, optimization, and emotional control? Why do humans crave intimacy while simultaneously fearing exposure? And what happens to individuals, relationships, and institutions when honesty becomes unsafe? This conversation examines vulnerability not as confession or oversharing, but as exposure to uncertainty — the emotional risk that exists wherever something meaningful is at stake. Through psychology, neuroscience, organizational research, and cultural analysis, we explore the hidden relationship between vulnerability, shame, safety, belonging, performance, and dignity. This episode also considers: Why vulnerability is biological, not just emotional The relationship between shame and connection How perfectionism, people-pleasing, and hyper-independence can become forms of emotional armor Why psychological safety matters in relationships and workplaces The difference between authenticity and performative disclosure How systems and environments shape our willingness to be honest Why vulnerability does not always lead to connection — but often leads to clarity This is not an episode about “being more open.” It is an invitation to think more carefully about what humans need in order to feel safe enough to be real. Key Themes Emotional risk and uncertainty Shame and belonging Psychological safety Nervous system responses to social threat Performance versus authenticity Emotional labor and self-protection Trauma and adaptive defenses Vulnerability in modern culture and online life Courage, dignity, and relational honesty Questions Explored Why does vulnerability feel dangerous? What conditions make honesty possible? How do humans learn emotional self-protection? Can vulnerability exist without safety? What happens when we perform ourselves instead of living honestly? Is vulnerability always rewarded?

What Happens When We Perform?

In this episode, Kim introduces the deeper intention behind We in Werk and explores performance through psychology, sociology, neuroscience, and medical science. From brain activation under observation to the long-term effects of chronic social evaluation, this episode reframes performance as a deeply human, relational, and biological experience. Key Themes: Performance as social evaluation Stress and cortisol responses Brain systems involved in being seen Goffman’s dramaturgical framework Emotional labor and burnout Allostatic load and chronic stress Alignment vs. strain in performance Reflection Questions: When do I feel most “on” or performative? Do I experience being seen as energizing or threatening? Where in my life do I have space to not perform?

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