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The We in Werk

by Kim Holland

Education Society & Culture

Season 2

The Terror of Being Too Much

What if “too much” was never an objective description of who you are? In Episode 8 of Wild Child Summer, we enter Phase 3: The Confronting—and begin with one of the most painful labels many people carry: too much. Too loud. Too sensitive. Too needy. Too emotional. Too intense. But the question this episode asks is deceptively simple: Too much for whom? We explore Elaine Aron’s research on sensory processing sensitivity (SPS), a normal trait characterized by deeper processing of sensory and emotional information. People high in SPS may notice subtleties others miss, experience emotions deeply, and become more easily overwhelmed by highly stimulating environments. Research suggests that sensitivity is not inherently a deficit; its effects can depend significantly on the environment in which a person develops. From there, the episode moves beyond individual psychology into culture, relationships, gender, and the expectations that determine whose emotional expression is considered acceptable. Drawing on Carl Rogers’ concept of conditions of worth, we consider what happens when people learn that certain parts of themselves are acceptable only when they are smaller, quieter, easier, or more manageable. The result can be a lifelong project of shrinking—and a form of belonging that depends upon continuing to edit yourself. The episode offers another possibility: perhaps the problem is not an identity problem, but a mismatch problem. Instead of asking, How do I become less?, we can ask: What kind of relationship, environment, or life is large enough to hold this part of me? This Week’s Reflection Write down every “too much” label you can remember receiving. Then ask: Too much for whom? In what context? What expectations were operating? What might this quality look like in a different container? This isn't about turning every difficult quality into a “superpower.” It is about becoming more precise about the difference between who you are and a judgment someone made about you. References: Aron, E. N., Aron, A., & Jagiellowicz, J. (2012). Sensory processing sensitivity: A review in the light of the evolution of biological responsivity. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 16(3), 262–282. https://doi.org/10.1177/1088868311434213 Aron, A., Ketay, S., Hedden, T., Aron, E. N., Markus, H. R., & Gabrieli, J. D. E. (2010). Temperament trait of sensory processing sensitivity moderates cultural differences in neural response. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 5(2–3), 219–226. https://doi.org/10.1093/scan/nsq028 Aron, E. N. (1996). The highly sensitive person: How to thrive when the world overwhelms you. Carol Publishing Group. Doyle, G. (2020). Untamed. The Dial Press. Rogers, C. R. (1951). Client-centered therapy: Its current practice, implications, and theory. Houghton Mifflin.

What Lives in the Swallowed Words?

What Lives in the Swallowed Words? What happens to the words we never say? In Episode 7 of Wild Child Summer, we explore the cost of silence—not peaceful silence, but the kind that comes from restraint, self-editing, and the calculation that says not here, not now, not with this person. Drawing on the work of social psychologist James Pennebaker, we examine what happens when thoughts, feelings, and experiences are chronically suppressed. His research on inhibition and expressive writing suggests that giving language to emotionally significant experiences can have measurable psychological and physiological effects. Sometimes, the body registers what the voice does not say. We also explore Sidney Jourard’s work on self-disclosure and the distinction between privacy and concealment. Privacy can be a healthy choice. Concealment requires ongoing management—the active effort of preventing ourselves from being known. Over time, that vigilance can become exhausting. The episode considers what happens in the body when expression is interrupted: the clenched jaw, tight chest, constricted throat, or heaviness that arrives when something wants to be expressed but is held back. We also look at Elisabeth Noelle-Neumann’s spiral of silence, which describes how people may suppress opinions when they fear social isolation. At the heart of the episode is a deceptively simple distinction: There is a difference between being liked and being known. When we continually soften, edit, perform, and pre-approve ourselves for other people’s comfort, we may become very good at being acceptable while becoming increasingly difficult to truly know. And when we have spent long enough managing our expression, we may even lose touch with what we genuinely think and feel. This Week’s Practice Write a letter to someone you haven't been able to speak honestly with. Say everything. Don't soften it for their comfort. Don't edit it for palatability. Say the thing you've been holding. You don't have to send it. The writing itself is the practice: giving language to what has been living inside you without language. Next week begins Phase Three: The Confronting, with one of the season's most emotionally charged questions: What happens when we are terrified of being “too much”? References Jourard, S. M. (1971). Self-disclosure: An experimental analysis of the transparent self. Wiley-Interscience. Noelle-Neumann, E. (1974). The spiral of silence: A theory of public opinion. Journal of Communication, 24(2), 43–51. Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process. Psychological Science, 8(3), 162–166. Pennebaker, J. W., & Beall, S. K. (1986). Confronting a traumatic event: Toward an understanding of inhibition and disease. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 95(3), 274–281.

Learning to Doubt Yourself

Learning to Doubt Yourself What happens when we learn, from an early age, that our own bodies cannot be trusted? In Episode 6 of Wild Child Summer, we explore the experience of distrusting sensation—and what it takes to reconnect with the body as a source of information. Drawing on neuroscientist Antonio Damasio’s work, we examine why emotion and decision-making cannot be separated neatly from the body. His research on somatic markers demonstrates how bodily signals contribute essential information to our choices, challenging the idea that rational thought operates independently from physical experience. We then explore interoception: our ability to sense and interpret what is happening inside the body, including hunger, thirst, breathing, heart rate, and muscle tension. When we repeatedly learn to override or dismiss these signals, we can lose access to an important source of information about what we feel and need. How does that disconnection happen? Sometimes through seemingly ordinary messages: You’re not hungry. Stop crying. You’re overreacting. You’re not tired. Over time, external expectations can become more trusted than internal signals. The episode considers what disrupted interoception can look like, including its relevance to emotional awareness and eating disorders, while emphasizing that difficulties connecting with bodily signals can exist across a broader continuum. We also explore somatic approaches to healing, including Somatic Experiencing, and the possibility that a connection lost through repeated experience can gradually be rebuilt through new experiences of safely noticing and receiving bodily information. But reconnection doesn't begin with simply “trusting your gut.” The first step is contact. This Week’s Practice Three times a day, pause for two minutes. Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly and breathe slowly. Ask yourself: What is actually here right now? Not what should be there. Not what is reasonable to feel. What is physically present? Notice the sensations—tightness, warmth, heaviness, ease, or something you cannot name yet. Then remind yourself: This is information. I am allowed to receive it. You don't have to act on it. Not yet. Next week, we turn toward the voice—the words we never said, the truths we swallowed, and what happens when they have nowhere to go. References Craig, A. D. (2002). How do you feel? Interoception: The sense of the physiological condition of the body. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 3(8), 655–666. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn894 Damasio, A. R. (1994). Descartes' error: Emotion, reason, and the human brain. Putnam. Levine, P. A. (2010). In an unspoken voice: How the body releases trauma and restores goodness. North Atlantic Books. van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

The Art of Self-Abandonment

The Art of Self-Abandonment What happens when keeping the peace becomes more important than staying connected to yourself? In Episode 5 of Wild Child Summer, we go deeper into self-abandonment—what it looks like, where it comes from, and why it can be so difficult to recognize while we’re doing it. Building on the previous episode’s exploration of conformity, this episode introduces psychotherapist Pete Walker’s concept of the “fawn response”: a trauma-related pattern of seeking safety by becoming agreeable, accommodating, helpful, and attuned to other people’s needs. Rather than fighting, fleeing, or freezing in response to perceived threat, the fawn response attempts to neutralize that threat through compliance and connection. We explore how patterns developed in childhood can follow us into adulthood—even when the situations we encounter are no longer genuinely threatening. Self-abandonment can look deceptively ordinary: saying yes when we mean no, minimizing our needs, over-apologizing, over-explaining, hiding disagreement, managing other people’s emotions, or choosing the response that keeps everyone else comfortable. The episode also examines self-concealment and the potential psychological and physical costs of continually suppressing our thoughts, feelings, needs, and experiences. Research by Larson and Chastain found that self-concealment was associated with anxiety, depression, and physical symptoms. James Pennebaker’s work on emotional inhibition and disclosure provides another lens for understanding what can happen when we continually keep difficult experiences inside. But this episode isn't about never compromising, never staying quiet, or saying everything we think. Sometimes choosing not to engage is a healthy and intentional decision. The deeper question is: Is it a choice—or is it a pattern? This Week’s Practice For five days, notice moments when you: Feel something but decide not to say it. Have a need but choose not to voice it. Say yes when you mean no. Automatically prioritize someone else’s emotional state. Choose the “safer” response instead of your genuine one. Notice what happens in your body and what you tell yourself in those moments. You don't have to change anything yet. Awareness is the first movement. You cannot change a pattern you cannot see. References Larson, D. G., & Chastain, R. L. (1990). Self-concealment: Conceptualization, measurement, and health implications. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 9(4), 439–455. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.1990.9.4.439 Pennebaker, J. W. (1990). Opening up: The healing power of confiding in others. W. Morrow. Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From surviving to thriving: A guide and map for recovering from childhood trauma. Azure Coyote.

What does it mean to Behave?

What does it mean to Behave? What happens when the instruction to “behave” becomes more than a childhood reminder—and starts shaping who we believe we’re allowed to be? In Episode 4 of Wild Child Summer, we enter Phase Two: The Unlearning, taking a closer look at one of the earliest and most powerful forms of conditioning: conformity. Drawing on the work of Stanley Milgram, Robert Cialdini, and Solomon Asch, this episode explores why humans are deeply influenced by authority, social expectations, and the desire to belong. Milgram’s research on obedience demonstrates the power of situational authority, while Asch’s conformity experiments reveal how social pressure can influence even our perception of what we can plainly see. The episode then asks what happens when “behaving” becomes an invisible curriculum—particularly for girls and women. We explore how expectations around compliance, agreeableness, emotional management, and deference can follow us from childhood into our relationships, families, and workplaces. We also revisit the concept of emotional labor, first developed by sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild, and consider how managing our emotions—and the emotions of others—can become so habitual that it feels like personality rather than work. But this episode isn't an argument against conformity altogether. Adapting our behaviour to different situations can be an important part of social competence and caring for others. Instead, we ask a more personal question: At what point does conformity cost you access to yourself? This Week’s Invitation Choose one context—a workplace, relationship, or social group—and simply notice how you behave there. Ask yourself: What do I say “yes” to when I privately mean “no”? What do I keep quiet? What am I performing? What does compliance feel like in my body? Where am I managing someone else’s comfort at the expense of my own? There is no need to judge or immediately change anything. Visibility comes first. Before we can consciously choose whether to conform, we need to recognize when we are doing it. References Asch, S. E. (1956). Studies of independence and conformity: I. A minority of one against a unanimous majority. Psychological Monographs: General and Applied, 70(9), 1–70. Hochschild, A. R. (1983). The managed heart: Commercialization of human feeling. University of California Press. Milgram, S. (1974). Obedience to authority: An experimental view. Harper & Row.

Which Stories did you Inherit?

Which Stories did you Inherit? Many of the beliefs that shape our lives were formed long before we had the ability to question them. In this episode of Wild Child Summer, we explore how family systems, inherited beliefs, and generational patterns influence our identity, relationships, and sense of self. Drawing on the Bowen Family Systems Theory, narrative psychology, and Carl Jung's work on the unconscious, this episode examines how family "rules" about emotions, success, work, love, and self-worth become internalized—and how we can begin deciding which beliefs to keep and which to leave behind. In This Episode How family systems shape identity and emotional patterns Murray Bowen's concept of differentiation of self Emotional fusion and its impact on relationships and wellbeing How beliefs about work, rest, emotions, success, and worth are passed across generations Why inherited family stories often feel like objective truth How narrative identity allows us to rewrite inherited beliefs without rejecting our families Reflection Questions What messages did your family communicate about work, emotions, ambition, or asking for what you needed? Which beliefs feel authentically yours, and which may have been inherited? What family story are you ready to rewrite? This Week's Exercise Create three journal columns: What I was taught What I believed because of it What I believe now Repeat the exercise for areas such as love, worthiness, work, emotions, success, your body, and what you owe other people. Pay attention to the space between inherited beliefs and your own conclusions—that space is where personal growth begins. References (APA 7th Edition) Bowen, M. (1978). Family therapy in clinical practice. Jason Aronson. Hughes, M. E., & Gullone, E. (2021). Differentiation of self: A meta-analysis of its associations with psychological and relational functioning. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 13(2), 242–266. Jung, C. G. (1969). The archetypes and the collective unconscious (2nd ed., R. F. C. Hull, Trans.). Princeton University Press. (Original work published 1959) McAdams, D. P. (2013). The redemptive self: Stories Americans live by (Revised and expanded ed.). Oxford University Press.

When did you Stop Playing?

When Did You Stop Playing? What if play isn't something we outgrow—but something our brains continue to need? In Episode 2 of Wild Child Summer, we explore why play is far more than a childhood pastime. Drawing on psychology, neuroscience, and developmental research, this episode examines how modern adulthood is often absent from play. You'll learn how play supports creativity, resilience, emotional flexibility, and authentic self-expression, why many adults gradually stop engaging in genuine play, and how reconnecting with playful experiences may help us rediscover who we are beneath performance and expectation. In This Episode Why play is a biological drive, not a luxury The neuroscience behind play and brain development How adolescence and social pressure disconnect us from play The difference between productivity and intrinsic joy Why losing play may contribute to stress, rigidity, and feeling disconnected from yourself A simple 20-minute exercise to help you reconnect with curiosity and spontaneity Reflection Questions When was the last time you did something purely for the joy of it? What activities made you lose track of time as a child? What beliefs arise when you try to do something with no purpose other than enjoyment? This Week's Challenge Set aside 20 uninterrupted minutes to engage in an activity with no goal, no audience, no expectation of improvement, and no phone. Notice any thoughts about productivity, guilt, or "wasting time." Rather than judging them, simply observe them. References (APA 7th Edition) Brown, S., & Vaughan, C. (2009). Play: How it shapes the brain, opens the imagination, and invigorates the soul. Avery. Csikszentmihalyi, M. (1990). Flow: The psychology of optimal experience. Harper & Row. Harter, S. (2012). The construction of the self: Developmental and sociocultural foundations (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Who Were You Before?

Who were you before? Welcome to the first episode of Wild Child Summer, a 15-part series exploring how the social structures in our world (family, school, work, and media) have shaped the person you've become—and what parts of your authentic self may still be waiting beneath years of expectations, achievement, and adaptation. In this episode, Kim explores the psychology of authenticity, identity, and belonging, asking why so many adults feel disconnected from the uninhibited, curious child they once were. Drawing on research from Michael Kernis, Brian Goldman, Susan Harter, John Bowlby, Dan McAdams, Carl Rogers, Robert Kegan, and Carl Jung, this conversation examines how our earliest relationships, family dynamics, and social environments quietly teach us which parts of ourselves are acceptable—and which are hidden away. Rather than romanticizing childhood, this episode offers a thoughtful investigation into how personality develops, why adaptation is necessary for survival, and where adaptation can become self-abandonment. It invites listeners to begin an "archaeology of the self," uncovering the difference between living authentically and simply performing the version of ourselves that earned approval. In this episode: Why childhood photos can evoke a surprising sense of loss The psychology of the "true self" and authenticity How attachment and belonging shape identity Why adaptation often becomes mistaken for personality The stories we tell ourselves—and how they define us The hidden cost of people-pleasing and performance Why becoming yourself may require subtraction rather than addition Three reflective questions to begin reconnecting with your authentic self Reflection for the week: Pay attention to the moments when you feel most like yourself—not when you're performing, achieving, or managing other people's expectations, but when you feel relaxed, present, and genuinely alive. Those moments may reveal more about who you are than any personality test ever could. 3 Questions to sit with: This week's episode invites you to sit with three simple—but revealing—questions: What did you naturally love to do as a child? Before it had to be useful, productive, or impressive, what genuinely captured your curiosity and imagination? When did you first learn that part of you was "too much" or "not enough"? Can you remember a specific moment that taught you to edit, suppress, or change yourself to fit in? What part of yourself has never gone away? What instinct, longing, or way of seeing the world has quietly stayed with you, even if you've spent years trying to ignore or outgrow it? These questions aren't about finding definitive answers—they're an invitation to begin noticing the layers of conditioning that shape your identity and reconnecting with the parts of yourself that have always been there. Next episode: When Did You Stop Playing? Exploring why play matters far beyond childhood—and what we lose when we leave it behind.

BRIDGE Episode: Season 1 Recap and Introduction to Wild Child Summer

Welcome back to The We in Work. After six episodes exploring what it means to be seen, perform, belong, and feel safe, this bridge episode looks back at the questions that shaped Season One and introduces what's coming next: Wild Child Summer, a 15-episode limited series beginning June 17. In This Episode We revisit the central themes of Season One: What does it mean to be truly seen? How much of our social life is performance? What does vulnerability actually require? How does emotional labor shape our relationships and work? Why is loneliness rising despite unprecedented connectivity? What does it mean to feel safe? Looking across all six episodes, a common thread emerges: the gap between our interior selves and the versions of ourselves we've learned to present to the world. Season One explored that friction and the costs of shrinking, performing, and adapting ourselves to fit external expectations. Introducing: Wild Child Summer This summer's series asks a different question: What happens when we stop editing and embrace our inner wildness? Drawing on research into adult play, creativity, positive emotion, and self-expression, Wild Child Summer explores what it means to take up more space, reconnect with curiosity, and live with greater authenticity—without abandoning thoughtfulness or care. Across 15 episodes, we'll explore topics including: Who were you before you learned who you were supposed to be? When did you stop playing? What stories did you inherit? Why do we abandon ourselves? How did we learn self-doubt? What lives in swallowed words? Why are we afraid of being "too much"? What is the grief of an unlived self? What does authenticity actually mean? What does it mean to have permission to take up space? How do we come home to our body? What it means to be wild? New This Season: The Pod Journal Club We're introducing the Pod Journal Club—a simple way to turn listening into conversation. Gather a few friends, colleagues, family members, or thoughtful strangers. Listen to an episode together, discuss the questions it raises, and explore how the ideas connect to your own lives. The goal isn't agreement—it's deeper conversation and shared reflection. The Wild Child Summer Workbook To accompany the series, we've created a digital workbook featuring: Reflective journal prompts for every episode Creative, hands-on activities Small rituals designed to carry each episode's question into daily life Discussion prompts for Pod Journal Club gatherings The workbook is designed for both group participation and solo reflection. Key Takeaway Season One helped us name the friction between how the world works and how humans actually think, feel, and relate. Wild Child Summer asks what comes next. Not a roadmap. Not a prescription. An invitation to explore the parts of yourself that have been waiting patiently beneath performance, compliance, and self-editing—and to see what becomes possible when they are finally given a little more room to breathe. Wild Child Summer begins June 17. Until then, take care, stay true, and into the wild we go!

The We in Werk Season 2: Wild Child Summer (Trailer)

Welcome to Season Two of The We in Werk. This season is called Wild Child Summer—a fifteen-episode exploration of the parts of ourselves that existed before expectations, performance, and social conditioning quietly shaped who we became. Over the next fifteen episodes, we'll slow down and examine the forces that influence how we think, feel, work, relate, and move through the world. Together, we'll explore the tension between who we are and who we learned to be. Drawing on psychology, neuroscience, sociology, philosophy, and lived experience, Wild Child Summer asks: -Who were you before the world told you who to be? - What beliefs, expectations, and systems shaped you along the way? - Which parts of yourself were adapted for survival, belonging, or approval? - And what might it look like to reconnect with the person underneath it all? This season offers thoughtful research, honest reflection, and plenty of curiosity as we investigate the stories we've inherited and the identities we've constructed. Because sometimes the most important journey isn't becoming someone new. It's remembering who you've been all along.

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