Grief, Love, and the Woman You Left Behind: Meg Faure on Motherhood's Hidden Transition S8 | E216
On this week’s episode of Sense by Meg Faure, we explore the identity shift nobody prepares you for. Meg Faure hands the hosting mic to Madge Booth - founder of the MOMents podcast for working mums - and the conversation that follows is one of the most honest this podcast has ever held. What Is Matrescence? Matrescence is the term for the transition from woman to mother. Meg compares it directly to adolescence - with its hormonal upheaval, neurological rewiring, and complete identity reorganisation. The difference is that adolescence unfolds over years. Matrescence happens within hours of giving birth. Research shows that grey matter in the maternal brain changes fundamentally after birth and stays changed for up to two years. It doesn’t mean cognitive loss - it means the brain’s energy is being redirected towards keeping a new human alive. Primary maternal preoccupation is real, biological, and entirely normal. Grief and Love at the Same Time One of the most powerful themes in this conversation is the grief that lives alongside love. Meg is direct: you can adore your child completely and at the same time mourn the woman you used to be. The woman who could leave the house without a nappy bag. Who went to the toilet alone. Who had full cognitive agency over her own life. Returning to Work: The Juggle Nobody Acknowledges The majority of mothers return to work within months of giving birth. Meg unpacks what happens in that transition: the expectation to step back into your old professional mould, while carrying a permanent cognitive load that never fully switches off. At least until your children reach their mid-twenties, she says, there is never a minute of the day that you don’t know where they are. Who Is Most Vulnerable? Some women face a harder transition. Meg identifies key risk factors: inadequate support structures, a history of anxiety or depression, fertility struggles or birth trauma, and the intergenerational patterns psychologist Fraiberg called ‘ghosts in the nursery’. Five Ways to Hold On to Yourself Meg offers five practical anchors for navigating this transition - especially for those without close family support: Name it. Knowing that matrescence is real is the first act of self-compassion. When it feels like a mess, name it. You don’t have to have it perfect. Keep one anchor to your pre-baby self. One yoga class a week. One date night. One thing that is just yours. Build your village. Whether it’s Paddle and Prams, Stroller Strides, or Baby Hub in Cape Town - find your community and invest there. Lower the bar deliberately. Say no to things. Let the laundry wait. Drop the balls that don’t matter. You Are Not Less. You Are Becoming More. The identity shift nobody prepares you for is also the one that quietly prepares you for everything that comes next. Meg’s closing words carry the whole episode: you have not lost yourself. You are being rewritten. The invisible developmental leap happening inside you - at the precise moment everyone is asking about the baby and not about you - is not weakness. It is the most significant transition of your adult life. The parts of you that feel like they’re falling apart are quietly building something extraordinary. In the mess and the magic of this moment, you are not less. You are becoming more. ABOUT TODAY’S GUEST HOST Madge Booth is a mum of two with a background in women’s magazines and marketing. She is the founder and host of MOMents - a podcast for smart, tired, ambitious women ready to change the conversation around motherhood and work. Find MOMents wherever you get your podcasts.
