Mikey leaves one bad pizza review and wakes up to an apology from the woman who cooked 90 pizzas, so naturally he spends the next few minutes feeling like shit.

Ian’s kid nearly passes out from heat exhaustion at school when it feels like 115 degrees outside, and that goes exactly as calmly as you’d expect.

Then a verified sugar daddy profile belonging to a radio host we already hate appears, Jessicles delivers “Emergency Jackoff Mode,” and Darth Vader shows up at a San Diego City Council meeting to go after Flock cameras.

By the end, we’re teaching people how to fart-bomb memory foam, fake a dropped call with airplane mode, bury vodka before a festival, and apparently solve almost anything by whipping it out. If you take any of that advice, Mikey already warned you: that is your fault.

Welco ...