You've stepped over the glowing rune circle into the midst of Never Better, a show that’s never going to get any better. Fool! Do you realize what you've done?

This week, Spencer, Craig, and Michael discuss AP Government, alumni donations, "Craig Tank" (???), a 500-pound bear that just happens to be America's sweetheart, college dorm fire alarm evasion tactics, and what to do if/when your nemesis surprises you on your birthday. Plus, Spencer regales his captive audience with inexplicable tales from his time in the hospitality industry.

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Question? Suggestion? Unwarranted aggression? DM us on Twitter at @neverbettercast or send us an email at mailbox@neverb ...