On his birthday this year, Rick Tamlyn committed to a whole year of not making any decisions from a place of fear. That reminded me of other things he taught me and the power of making choices. Decision Time? 3 Options to Consider by Rick Tamlyn sparked my thoughts for this episode. Highlights Making decisions from love and compassion The power of simply choosing What if there’s no “wrong” choice? There is no such thing as “hell maybe!” How is fear of the outcome playing into your decision making process? 5 x “And then what…” Choosing is a way out of being stuck even if you don’t know the outcome Taking things less seriously What am you really desiring? Gary Mahler: “I only do what I want. And I don’t do what I don’t want to do even if it will get me what I want.” “Should” is a horrible motivator Choosing as a way of creating the experience you want to have In your response are your “creating” or “reacting?” What are you creating around you based on what you are choosing? Credits Hallon by Christian Bjoerklund Cold Funk by Kevin MacLeod Original photo source All songs licensed under Creative Commons The post 94: Choosing Outside of Fear appeared first on John Poelstra.
Alexis Monville and I reflect on a time I gave feedback that was not well received and what we both learned from it. Hopefully you’ll learn something too. Background Today’s conversation is rebroadcast of a conversation I had with Alexis Monville on his podcast about giving feedback. When we recorded this conversation back in January 2020, I didn’t realize I had also helped create the first chapter of a new book Alexis and Michael Doyle were writing called, I Am a Software Engineer and I am in Charge. This was also ironic since I was originally going to write it with them, but then decided not to. Conversation Highlights Changing Your Team From the Inside by Alexis Monville The hidden motives in asking for feedback–what are you looking for? Affirmation Honest feedback about what would make something better Something else The Agile Manifesto speaks to interactions between people Interactions are more important than processes and tools Focus on the content and less on the delivery Our thoughts about an experience create the experience, not the experience it self Taking responsibility for what we put out into the world and being responsible for our own reactions Sometimes it’s better to be direct instead of provocative–otherwise the message risks getting lost Unmet expectations and by extension unmet needs get us into trouble Taking a step back to observer what is going on instead of getting hooked Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenburg Software engineers a have reputation for being overly direct and getting away with it Does the receiver of feedback really just have to “deal with it?” Can you have a real relationship with another person if it’s a one-directional “deal with it, that’s the way I am” kind of situation? Can you have a good relationship where there isn’t give and take? The idea of relationship as a dance between two people Our previous conversation about distributed teams and the importance of creating agreements Agreements are foundational to good relationships Exiting the agony loop of getting an email “just right” so as not to elicit the wrong response from the other person “Both And” responsibility There’s a mutual responsibility In a relationship for both parties to make it work vs. it being all up to one person to do it 100% right A level deeper in all of this is where we are coming from John’s new insights and convictions from reading The Anatomy of Peace by the Arbinger Institute Coming from a heart at war or a heart at peace When we come from a heart at peace we are not focused on “winning at all costs” (war) When we are at war, someone has to be “wrong” (judgement) Thinking about how the software releases I managed could have been different if I had come more often from a place of peace Credits Hallon by Chr
Meg Buzzi, Tina Robinson and I explore archetypes and their usefulness on Massively Useful Thing. Summary & Links This conversation with Meg Buzzi and Tina Robinson took many fun twists and turns. We started by talking about archetypes and that morphed into personas, tarot, personal board of directors, embodiment, and even a little coaching demo by me. This rebroadcast is from Meg and Tina’s podcast called Massively Useful Thing. The three of us met the first class of Co-Active coach training. Credits Hallon by Christian Bjoerklund Cold Funk by Kevin MacLeod All songs licensed under Creative Commons The post 92: Understanding and Using Archetypes appeared first on John Poelstra.
Yann Toutant and I explore what it means to work remotely in a time of Covid-19 and what we are taking from it. Conversation Highlights Yann Toutant joins me again–our previous conversations are Working Remote on Purpose (Episode #80) Being an Intrapreneur (Episode #90) Grappling with compassion The consequences of being forced to work remote without notice It’s difficult if you haven’t done it before It’s even more difficult to start without warning Yann does not see the present version of people working from home (during Covid-19) as the remote work he advocates He believes home is the worst place to work from It’s extremely challenging and should not be confused with regular remote work Additional levels of stress and complexity A review of Yann’s process by which people and companies can go remote Getting rid of the energy that has accumulated at the end of the day Who we are being–explored more in conversation with Alexis Monville and the book The Anatomy of Peace Where are we coming from? A place of War or Peace Who do I want to be as I go through this unique time? It’s here and it’s not going away Where do you want to invest your energy? A great time to be more focused on the being instead of the doing “Who is the person I want to BE today?” instead of “What do I want to DO today?” Using this time to practice being with discomfort If confinement (quarantine) ended tomorrow, what would you do? Would you go back to the same things? What would you like to be different? How will you prepare? Not wanting to leave the boat after Yann’s four weeks confinement crossing the Atlantic New smells Fear Having become comfortable with his internal journey and needing to venture outside again An important reminder and acknowledgment from Yann about the context from which he and John are having this conversation Are we suffering based on what we fear could happen in the future or what is actually happening in the present? “The future is the present, under construction” Possessions vs. experience The increased societal cost of physical distancing Consciously choosing Welcome home to yourself–take advantage of this opportunity (if it fits your situation) The value of doing our own work AND the value and benefit of working with a coach (not trying to do it all on your own) Yann has two coaches The power of silence Clown Syndrome Filling or not filling the space Silence helps the other person speak from their heart instead of their head–tapping into the unconscious Connect with Yann Toutant Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yann-toutant/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/YannTOUTANT Credits Hallon by Christian Bjoerklund Cold Funk by Kevin MacLeod Original photo source All so
Yann Toutant returns to share more deeply from his life and what’s next having stepped down as CEO of his previous company. We talk about intrapreneurship, when to break the rules, sailing and more. Conversation Highlights I first met Yann Toutant in a previous conversation about remote work and the power of heart decisions Noticing what gives us energy and doesn’t as sign-posts for what we should be doing Sometimes you don’t realize the full extent of your contributions until you leave Giving up control frees up space for creativity Smooth transitions are not all that they appear to be Intrapreneur vs Entrepreneur Acting as an entrepreneur inside the context of an existing organization What decisions would I make and how would I spend money if this was my own company? Someone else with the organization will finish the job or fix a particular problem “My responsibilities are limited” vs. “I have unlimited responsibility” Breaking the rules to innovate or move things forward Going for good instead of perfect Making decisions in a vacuum Offense vs. defense Creating vs. reacting Looking at every step as more information instead of success or failure How nature and being offline influences decisions and perspectives Observing nature as a circular process of death and renewal The Haka ceremonial dance Leaving nothing on the field and playing full out More about Yann’s previous sailing adventure across the Atlantic What Yann is looking forward to in 2020 Freedom Making an impact Building towards his five year goal of financial independence Connect with Yann Toutant Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/yann-toutant/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/YannTOUTANT Credits Hallon by Christian Bjoerklund Cold Funk by Kevin MacLeod Original photo source All songs licensed under Creative Commons The post 90: Being an Intrapreneur with Yann Toutant appeared first on John Poelstra.
Anthony Ongaro interviews me about finding clarity, making lasting changes and how I got into this thing called coaching. It’s a rebroadcast from his video podcast in 2019. Highlights Links mentioned in the introduction The original conversation which contains Anthony’s notes, links, etc. Video of our conversation Learning To Play Like Yourself In 2020 Sign-up for Anthony’s newsletter My highlights after re-listening to our conversation Becoming a CPA and leaving it–starting my career in a very different place than today The big hole in my resume that never was Scary transitions can make a big impact Courage versus commitment How I started working with my first coach Asking for what you need and want My path to coaching The intensity and value of my coaching training through the Co-Active Training Institute Taking little steps forward vs. doing nothing / experimenting Thoughts create feelings Over-identifying with our thoughts and feelings The stories we create about ourselves and live into The power of changing and using different physical spaces Embodiment Thinking your way to different state doesn’t always work Being vs. Doing and the power that comes from both Systems and task tracking Fail safe storage The Beehive Successful and motivating instead of self-defeating The amount of things that have our attention Book reading fast Looking for a hit of knowledge Conscious and intentional reading instead of As much as possible The latest shiny object Honoring my commitment Straight-Line Leadership: Tools for Living with Velocity and Power in Turbulent Times by Dusan Djukich The most successful people don’t necessary ready more books–they likely take more action based on what they know or learn Redefining minimalism as removing distractions 6,800 mile road trip Being present to everything in the moment even if it is unpleasant Michael Neill Challenges and experiments that have paid off Meditation–Insight Timer App Daily journaling with the Five Minute Journal The “legacy” I want to create around ending unnecessary suffering Credits Hallon by Christian Bjoerklund Cold Funk by Kevin MacLeod Original photo source All songs licensed under <a href="https://creativecommons.
Here are some ways to get back on track when your coaching session has lost its way. Highlights Lack of resonance can signal disconnect and that things are off track Speaking to what’s happening for you Locating sensations or feelings in your body Being with silence Asking the client what they need Getting curious about what “is” Trying to “think” your way to a better place usually doesn’t work very well Listening instead to a certain part of your body often works better Poorly formed topics can lead to lack of resonance Is there a way to clarify what is seeking to be known or the desired outcome? The value of venting or an emotional dump Asking a particular body part to inform you Prompts What would you like to be different by the end of our time? What would you like to be new by the end of our conversation? What meaning are you assigning to how this is going? Gremlins and saboteurs can throw things off track Sometimes they like to turn on the fog machine The land of “I don’t know” What story or judgements are you telling yourself about how the session is going? Ways to break out of a particular state (during or after a session) Meditation Jump up and down Stand up Move outside Change rooms/geography Exercise Hydrate Journal “The story I’m telling myself is …” “The story I could tell myself instead is …” Capture what worked or didn’t Co-Active Coaching: The proven framework for transformative conversations at work and in life by Karen Kimsey-House, Henry Kimsey-House, Phillip Sandhal, and Laura Whitworth The book is okay (I read and studied from an older edition–I can’t speak to the latest one) The in-person Co-Active training is life-changing Use an unsatisfying session as motivation to learn more or go back to your training Humans are involved The key to success is restarting Credits Hallon by Christian Bjoerklund Cold Funk by Kevin MacLeod Original photo source All songs licensed under Creative Commons The post 87: Getting a Coaching Session Back on Track appeared first on John Poelstra.
Here’s what happened and what I learned from our cross-country road trip in August of 2019 Highlights 6,800 miles in 26 days Enough time to form some new habits and perspectives in new places which was interesting Off for the month of August 2019 Ending “unnecessary suffering” Trip was inspired by a conversation with my ACS classmate Karen Ahlquist combined with several upcoming trips Knowing how much it costs us to live and knowing exactly how much we have at any time made it much easier to decide to do this YNAB (You Need A Budget) software to manage our finances has been a game-changer Having just enough of a plan The tension between planning or not planning We made a big loop and drove through the following states (see maps below) Oregon Idaho Wyoming Nebraska Missouri Tennessee North Carolina Kentucky Ohio Michigan Illinois Wisconsin Minnesota South Dakota The result of simply being for the first week or so–reading and listening to very little Things that went well or paid off Prepared a month in advance Physical/paper maps Got our van serviced a few weeks before Long driving days and days of no driving If there was nothing to do or see that interested us after arriving at a location we moved on got us a few days ahead of schedule to do things we wanted to Stop before it’s too late in the day so there is time to wind down before going to sleep Making decisions on a full stomach Seeing a place in person Stopping at all the information places to find good camping Leaving early in the day makes it easier to wrack up the miles and cover more distance Stand-alone GPS unit (always had coverage) highly recommended Costco Thule box on the roof to hold camping gear and free up a ton of space in our van Living in the present vs. the tension of knowing what we would do the next day Sometimes choosing in advance Sometimes making it up the next day Next time Write a few bullets each day after dinner to capture what you seen and where you’ve been A better way to pool and manage all of our pictures Taking a few pictures every day Outbound Route Return Route Credits Hallon by Christian Bjoerklund Cold Funk by Kevin MacLeod Photo credit: My odometer All songs licensed under Creative Commons The post 86: Twenty Six Day Road Trip appeared first on John Poelstra.
This episode explores the new approach to reading books I adopted in July of 2019. Since then I have completed less than five books, a time period during which I would have probably completed twice as many. The goal is to go deeper on a select number of meaningful books and implement the ideas in those books instead of trying to read as many books as possible. Highlights Creating Your Life with Love with Gary Mahler About half way through Gary shares how few books he reads these days and why Reading as a form of mindless consumption Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life by Jon Kabat-Zinn My reading rules and the conscious approach I’m taking to what I’m reading The four books I’m focused at the moment of this recording Straight-Line Leadership: Tools for Living with Velocity and Power in Turbulent Times by Dusan Djukich The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict by The Arbinger Institute More Time to Think: The power of independent thinking by Nancy Kline Living Service: The Journey of a Prosperous Coach by Melissa Ford Free of the need to “read the latest” and keep up Insights can come from stillness vs. consumption Questions and challenges What’s your story about your reading and consumption? Is it serving you? Is it taking you to where you want to go? Would it be worthwhile to try this experiment yourself? Credits Hallon by Christian Bjoerklund Cold Funk by Kevin MacLeod Original photo source All songs licensed under Creative Commons The post 85: My Book Reading Fast appeared first on John Poelstra.
Sometimes the end of one year and the start of a new one is a good time to take stock of things. For 2020 I’m not feeling the need. Highlights Why I’m not seeing the need to “plan the new year” Prompted by the questions What do you want to leave behind in 2019? What do you want to take forward into 2020? January 1st is an arbitrary date Saying “yes” and “no” to make deliberate choices Forgiveness Discarding all of the judgement of Myself Others Judgement about my judgement Planning can be a trap No “Hell Maybe” Is the “reason” really the reason you don’t want to? The power in making a choice The perspective of “no wrong choice” “How to” vs. “Want to” Credits Hallon by Christian Bjoerklund Cold Funk by Kevin MacLeod Original photo source All songs licensed under Creative Commons The post 84: Why I’m Not Planning 2020 appeared first on John Poelstra.