I planned on asking you to kindly overlook the mediocrity my current existence is determined to foist upon thee but that seemed like an offer you'd be savvy enough to refuse. So screw that plan!

In fact, executing direct opposite maneuver now am I.

Instead of pandering for your sympathy, how about you hold this recent string of lackluster lollipops against me. With prejudice.

• A free upgrade to EXTREME PREJUDICE is available if that's how you roll..

I can see now that the cactus underwear I'm offering this season is not the undergarment the market wants to buy. Admitting when we're wrong is a sign of strength not weakness. We can always regroup for a summer run.

However, the recent run of prickly B-/C+ results I've produced needs to be recorded in my permanent file vi ...