This week on Internet Friendsy, we’re calling out some truly delusional main-character energy in “but wait, you’re not the main character.” Four wild stories, each one more selfish than the last—can you spot the fake?

First up, OP ditches his girlfriend’s sister’s wedding to play poker with the boys. No notice, no excuse—just didn’t show. Is he the jerk, or is this one of those “you already know” situations?

Next, a guy who’s been habitually cheating on his wife forever says he feels trapped in the relationship but stays because… wait for it… he cares about her feelings. The audacity!

Then there’s the dad who gets mad at his girlfriend for being “selfish” because she won’t learn sign language—even though his daughter is hearing impaired. Make it make sense.