Episode notes
In this episode, Israel Gebru and Annette L. Demers discuss the importance of authentic communication in creating and maintaining strong relationships.
Points included:
Authentic Communication — 5 Short Definitions
- Means expressing your thoughts and feelings honestly and respectfully.
- It is speaking genuinely, without pretending to be someone you are not.
- It means listening openly and responding with sincerity rather than manipulation.
- Involves matching your words with your true values and intentions.
- It is building trust through honesty, openness, empathy, and genuine connection.
-Romantic comedies always have a moment when it looks like the fairy tale is going to come crashing down – why?
-usually a misunderstanding where a person didn’t have a chance to explain themselves or to come clean with a piece of information that they hadn’t shared before.
Those walls that I put up were not only stopping me from feeling negative emotions, but they were also stopping me from feeling joy, and from connecting with the people around me. That realization made me sad, and helped me to realize that I need to open up.
Authentic:
Communication requires courage
Requires vulnerability
Requires a knowledge of self – what are our emotional triggers, past traumas etc.
Sometimes it means telling hard truths.
Mindfulness
Benefits:
-if we can let down our walls and truly share who we are, what are vulnerabilities and dreams are, it can bring us closer together;
-a person can’t understand us if we don’t understand ourself and express ourself
Negatives:
-none
-if we leave our small hurts and grievances unsaid, then we don’t give the other person the opportunity to give us context that will help them understand us better (and maybe why we made the mistake that we made – that we didn’t have a negative intention, or we didn’t mean to do it, for example.
Those small hurts can build up over time and really stop us from having closeness with the people we love.
How to Develop Authentic Communication
1. Know yourself – Understand your feelings, values, needs, and beliefs before communicating.
2. Speak honestly – Say what you genuinely think and feel without unnecessary exaggeration or pretending.
3. Listen actively – Give people your full attention instead of planning your response while they are speaking.
4. Express yourself respectfully – Be honest without being rude, insulting, or dismissive.
5. Be clear and direct – Avoid unnecessary hints, mixed messages, and hidden intentions.
6. Practice empathy – Try to understand another person's feelings and perspective, even when you disagree.
7. Accept vulnerability – Be willing to say, “I don't know,” “I was wrong,” or “That hurt me.”
8. Ask instead of assuming – Clarify what people mean rather than creating conclusions in your mind.
9. Learn from feedback – Listen to constructive criticism without immediately becoming defensive.
Resources:
Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
Marshall B Rosenberg, Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life
Thich Nhat Hanh, The Art of Communicating