Coaching as Benevolence

Coaching as Benevolence

by L'Shawn Howard and Eryn Elder

Self-Improvement

Season 9

Coaching as Benevolence: Revisiting Season 1, Episode 2

A blast from the past, this episode revisits one of Eryn and L' Shawn's first episodes of the podcast. Whether you are listening to this episode for the first time or a second time, the richness of the conversation will not disappoint. Eryn and L' Shawn talk about what Coaching as Benevolence means to them and how coaching techniques and strategies can be applied to every day life to help listeners be gentler with themselves and others. Compare this episode to the recently published episode: "Exploring Coaching as Benevolence and what it Offers." Eryn asks listeners to examine where Eryn and L' Shawn have grown, regressed, or stayed the same in their views of the meaning of Coaching as Benevolence.

Exploring Coaching as Benevolence and what it Offers

L' Shawn and Eryn revisit the title of their podcast, "Coaching as Benevolence," to explore its meaning and evolution over nine seasons. They discuss how coaching is often misunderstood as directive advice-giving, and emphasized their intention to make coaching concepts accessible and applicable to everyday life. The conversation highlights benevolence as a core value in coaching, focusing on kindness, collaboration, and holding space for clients' growth and self-discovery. L' Shawn shares a personal experience with a non-benevolent coach to contrast it with the supportive and co-creative nature of effective coaching. Both hosts reflect on the importance of self-compassion, authenticity, and trusting the client's inner wisdom in the coaching process. They also touch on the challenges of leadership, personal fatigue, and the role of storytelling in making coaching concepts relatable.

Eryn and L' Shawn Interview Jungian Depth Coach Aaron King

In this episode, Eryn and L' Shawn interview Aaron King, a Jungian depth coach specializing in relationships. Aaron discusses his coaching approach and personal journey. The conversation covers Aaron's background transitioning from a 35-year career as an Emmy-winning creative director in entertainment to becoming a coach after hitting rock bottom with addiction and recovery. Aaron explains how he helps clients uncover unconscious patterns and triggers by identifying what they're protecting themselves from, using Jungian archetypes like the warrior and the sage to understand behavior, and helping clients develop agency through conscious choice rather than defaulting to people-pleasing or addictive behaviors. The discussion includes practical examples of his coaching process, including a case study of a client who needed to process childhood trauma to restart her career, and explores how facing fears and asking "what am I keeping myself safe from" can reduce the power that difficult emotions hold over individuals. Learn more at www.relationship.coach

Why is it so Hard to Ask for What We Need?

Eryn and L' Shawn discuss the question "Why is it so hard to ask for what you need?" They explore how unclear needs, shifting wants, and the myth of mind reading in relationships make it difficult to ask. Eryn shares an example from an art fair where she didn’t take a needed break due to ego and delegation concerns. L' Shawn reflects on trust issues, delegation challenges, and insights from a Family Constellations exercise that revealed a colleague's perceptions of her as micromanaging and distrustful. They both link the struggle to upbringing and cultural norms that discouraged children from voicing needs, leading to a lack of agency and language as adults. They suggest that coaching, mindfulness, and observing models of clear communication could help develop the skill to ask for needs.

Flourishing with Discomfort, Trust, and Self Awareness

This episode continues the conversation about flourishing, with L' Shawn and Eryn discussing what it means to flourish and how it shows up in their lives. L' Shawn shares how she experiences flourishing through learning and leadership development with Coloradans for the Common Good, particularly in preparing for an upcoming trip to New Orleans and engaging with diverse organizers. Eryn reflects on how flourishing involves being present and noticing unnoticed growth, sharing personal examples including managing minor health concerns without immediately worrying and working through business development decisions with a friend. They explore the distinction between pain and suffering, with L' Shawn noting that pain is inevitable but suffering arises when people cut themselves off from well-being and fixate on pain.

Taking the Time with Hope, Faith, and Intention

L' Shawn and Eryn discuss the concepts of hope, faith, and intention, drawing from L' Shawn’s reading of Melvin L. Rogers’ book, "The Darkened Light of Faith, Race, Democracy, and Freedom in African American Political Thought." L' Shawn explores hope as an active commitment to a desired outcome, linking it to historical struggles for justice and the role of faith in sustaining hope. Eryn connects these ideas to coaching, emphasizing the importance of intention, motivation, and the process of becoming in both individual and societal contexts. They reflect on how coaches can hold space for clients’ growth and the interplay between hope, faith, and intentional action in personal development and grief work. The conversation concludes with coaching nuggets of wisdom focused on understanding and applying hope, faith, and intention in daily life.

Season 8

Flourishing with Intention: Enhance Your Life on Your Terms

In this episode, Eryn and L' Shawn wrap up the final section of their guided journal, "Flourish," with L' Shawn and Eryn discussing the themes of hope, intentionality, and personal growth. They reflect on how journaling can support living a meaningful and purposeful life, and share personal experiences with journaling practices. Eryn describes a new daily journaling method she found helpful, while L' Shawn connects the concept of flourishing to imagery like a vibrant garden. They explore what flourishing means beyond achievement, emphasizing openness, alignment with values, and staying connected to oneself and others.

Try Something a Bit Differently: Here's How

Eryn and L' Shawn discuss the last prompt in the Act section of their guided journal, which encourages trying something a little different and stepping outside of one's comfort zone. Eryn and L' Shawn share personal experiences related to the prompt, such as Eryn's recent hike where she shifted her mindset to be more present and L' Shawn's opportunity to attend a leadership event that felt outside her comfort zone. They explore the concept of courage as quiet, playful, and sacred, and how it relates to love and taking action. Eryn reflects on experimenting with small changes in daily routines and deeper adjustments in her mental health practices. L' Shawn emphasizes the importance of starting small and observing new experiences with a sense of curiosity.

Take Action on Gratitude and Appreciation

L' Shawn and Eryn discuss prompt six about gratitude and appreciation from their guided journal "Coaching Nuggets of Wisdom to Inspire. Explore. Act. Flourish: A guided journal to live your best life", focusing on how to embody these concepts intentionally and heartfeltly. They explore the distinction between gratitude (more intentional and shared) and appreciation (more passive and natural), with examples including kindness, service work, nature, and art. L' Shawn shares how she could embody gratitude by balancing problem-solving focus with appreciation questions throughout her day, while Eryn suggests asking "what am I learning?" as a way to incorporate gratitude into her weekly routine.

Noticing What is Going Well & How That Helps You Take Action

Eryn and L' Shawn discuss prompt five from their guided journal "Coaching Nuggets of Wisdom: to inspire, explore, act, flourish." They explore the concept of noticing things going well and what flows with ease in life, with Eryn sharing how she struggles to articulate what's flowing with ease versus what's simply going well. L' Shawn provides insights about ease and flow coming from Positive Intelligence and the importance of balancing focusing on what's working with addressing what needs improvement. The conversation includes a real-time example when Eryn's seven-year-old unexpectedly joins the recording, demonstrating how Eryn handles the disruption as an example of ease and flow. They discuss the importance of starting small with noticing positive moments, particularly in the morning, and how this practice can help people see more evidence of progress and well-being.

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