A.D.D. History

by Wilson King

Season 2

2.3 The Bronze Age, What's Up With That?

Someone figured out agriculture and writing. They (not necessarily the same person) also figured out how to mix copper with tin and make bronze. All of this was a big deal, it turns out. In this episode, i also talk about: The Sumerian King's list, (for too long,) How economies formed, And Sargon Of Akkad, among other dickheads of Akkad. It's a banger, trust me. you didn't even know you wanted to know this stuff. you"re welcome! If you read this far, i will clean exactly one dish in your sink if i happen to be in your kitchen. (conditions Apply.) I love you, Goodnight.

2.4 Goofy Genesis, Part 2: Abraham And The Boys

Abraham is the father of the three largest religions on Earth. This character is pretty important, whether he existed or not, though i think he probably did in some way. P.S. I hope this episode comes out alright, i really need to leave and i didn't get a chance to listen to the finished product. I move mountains for you people, but I'm happy to do it. You're welcome, Humanity. Highlights: Abe leaves home at the age of 75. He establishes that the West Bank belongs to him and his children, sparking 6,000 years of warfare. He tells a Pharaoh his wife is his sister, but it's only half a lie, because she's only half a sister. Sodom and Gomorrah get blown up, and maybe that actually happened. Abe does a lot of other stuff, then he dies. I got places to be. If you're reading this and you're disappointed, just listen to the episode, and I'll just rant to you there. Cheers, Humans! With Love, Wilson King.

2.5 Goofy Genesis, Part 3: Jacob And Joseph

This is the rest of Genesis. Stairway to Heaven. Joseph is cool. I need sleep. I love you, goodnight.

2.6 The Golden Age Of Egypt

Good Old Egypt. Well, they were old, at least. On this episode we briefly explore the roots of one of Earth's most famous civilizations, and cruise through around 850 years of the poorly documented period of The Old Kingdom. This is when they built all those absurdly famous pyramids (supposedly) and i try my best not to go on about them for too long. I feel like i understood this civilization better before i actually learned about them, so I welcome you to join me in realizing we actually don't understand these guys that well. Thanks for listening! Wilson King.

2.7 Endings And Beginnings

This is the penultimate conclusion to this season, the A.D.D. History of "the cradle of civilization." In this episode, we tie up the messy and intertwined stories of the Egyptians and the biblical narrative, as far as I'm going with both of them. By the end, we leave Egypt at the dawn of The New Kingdom, and the descendants of Jacob with a new homeland. It's one crazy story, and i couldn't tell you if it's true, but that's what fun about really ancient history, we can never really know. Thanks for listening! Wilson King.

2.8 The Trojan War, And The Bronze Age Collapse

Good Gods, this one took some work. But, good things take work, and this story is Awesome. This is (mostly) the story of the Trojan War, which actually has a lot more to it than the giant wooden horse. there's romance, violence, horrors beyond our modern comprehension, and a lot of dubious involvement of Olympian gods. It's a pretty excellent story, which i tried to make as easily consumable as i could for you, dear listener. Then there's the relatively hazy story of the Bronze Age Collapse, which is also quite interesting. If it's relatable, it's in a different way than the story of Troy. All and all, it's about two and a half hours long... So: Part One: The Absurdly Complex, But Entertaining Backstory, starts at: 7:40 Part Two: Kidnapping Royalty Is A Bad Idea, starts at: 33:55 Part Three: The Trojan War, starts at: 53:17 Part Four: The Only Fate Is Tragedy, starts at: 1:19:24 Part Five: Only A Fool Fights Fair, starts at: 1:42:26 Part Six: The Bronze Age Collapse, starts at: 2:01;50 Yes, it's a long one, but it's a good one, and the season finale of the bronze age. Hope you like it! With Love, Wilson King

Season 3

3.1: Dawn Of The Iron Age- The Rise Of Assyria

In this episode, we set the stage for the next series of events in western-ish history, which all kind of hatches out of Mesopotamia. There's a new main character civilization for a while, the Assyrians, but they're more of a super villain. Somehow the actions of this brutal culture you've probably barely heard of led to those Greek and Persian wars that make great movies, and later, the story of Alexander the Great. Somehow all of that kinda-sorta led to the foundation of western civilization, so if none of this ever happened, Hotel California never would have been written. Thanks for listening!

3.2: It's Only A Warcrime If You Lose- The Crimson Age Of Assyria

Remember the last episode where i talked about how the Assyrians were a bunch of violent nutjobs? Yeah, they kept doing that for quite a while. A lot of big picture developments happen in this episode though, so... listen to it. It's so cool to not live in times like the one in this episode. Thanks for listening, grow some cabbages! <3

3.3: Karma Is... A Mean Female Dog- The Fall Of Assyria

Assyria was truly a charming civilization. After almost half a century of their brutal domination of every civilization they made contact with, they finally got a tummy ache, so everyone went to Assyria to return their hospitality.

3.4: Chaos Out Of Order

There is a lot going on in this episode. Maybe I'll re write this someday to explain that, but i got stuff to do right now, so just listen to it. It's a great story. Thanks, Wilson King.

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