Scarier Things Club

Scarier Things Club

di Shannan Fortner, Beth Selph, and Mark Selph

Commedia Critiche cinematografiche

Stagione 1

How Hot is the Sun? (Session 9 2001)

This week, we’re heading into the abandoned halls of Danvers State Hospital for Session 9 (2001). Brad Anderson’s psychological horror movie gives us asbestos removal, creepy recorded therapy sessions, the most inefficient crew ever, and one increasingly unsettling question: what exactly is happening to Gordon? We talk about the real Danvers hospital, the movie’s slow-burn atmosphere, Mary Hobbes and her alternate personalities, what’s actually happening versus what’s in Gordon’s head, and why this movie gets a whole lot creepier once everything starts falling into place. Also: Road rage. Beverly Susan Sassafras. Breaking and entering. Lots of science. Investigating everyone. Mad Dog Brown. Accidentally renting The Good Son because you thought Macaulay Culkin meant family movie. Eventually we remember we’re discussing Session 9, hand out some Dumbest Decision Awards, make our Rules of Engagement, figure out whether any of us would survive Danvers, and ask the question that really matters: Does Session 9 join the club? 00:00:48 – Welcome Back: Happy Spooky Season 00:01:50 – Alter Egos, Sharon & Shake That Sassafras 00:09:40 – Road Rage: Thumbs Down Means I Disapprove 00:19:32 – The Rundown: Asbestos, Danvers & a Very Bad One-Week Deadline 00:22:42 – The Main Feature: Therapy Tapes, Simon & What Is Actually Happening? 00:50:09 – The Dumbest Decision Award: Don’t Steal From the Dead 00:52:29 – The Rules of Engagement: Mind Your Business 00:56:48 – The Survival Test: Just Do Your Job and Go Home 01:08:36 – Smash or Pass: We’d Rather Not Have Simon in Our Heads, But He Sounds Cute 01:10:13 – Spin the Wheel: Our Laptops Died, So We’re Making Executive Decisions 01:11:22 – The Final Verdict: Does Session 9 Officially Join the Club?

Did Greg Get the Cheese Touch? (It Follows 2014)

This week on The Scarier Things Club, we’re talking It Follows (2014), where one hookup leaves you with something much worse than regret. This shape-shifting entity is relentless. What are the rules? How far would you go to escape it? Is there a way out? Also: Sonic chili. Puka shell fashions. Slenderman. Fuzzy water. Old Gregg. Boomers. Pyramid schemes. And a lot of discussion about the logistics of passing along a sexually transmitted demon. 00:00:49 – Welcome Back: The Wheel Did This to Us 00:01:24 – Chain Letters, Instant Messenger & Mark Gets Called Out 00:11:15 – Jimmy John’s Crimes: Shannan’s Confessions 00:19:17 – Sewer Ghosts and Slenderman: Everyone Calls Beth a Liar 00:25:52 – The Rundown: The World’s Worst Game of Tag 00:28:17 – The Main Feature: Great Vibes, Terrible Decisions 01:02:39 – The Dumbest Decision Award: Maybe Stop Making Everything Worse 01:12:56 – The Rules of Engagement: The Most Toxic MLM 01:16:50 – The Survival Test: Just Keep Driving 01:22:18 – Smash or Pass: We have some Logistical Questions 01:29:07 – The Final Verdict: Does It Follows Officially Join the Club? 01:31:42 – Spin the Wheel: Revealing Our Next Nightmare

I Will Fart in the Reservoir (Signs 2002)

Welcome back to The Scarier Things Club! We promised we'd get to Signs (2002), and this time we kept our word. We're heading into the cornfields with Mel Gibson and Joaquin Phoenix to revisit M. Night Shyamalan's alien invasion classic and talk crop circles, creepy birthday party footage, faith versus coincidence, and why there's a whole lot more going on here than little green men hiding in the corn. Also: Nicholas Sparks. Bible translations for Frankenstein. Truck-bed tamales. Drag queens. Cornhole. The Bristol Stool Chart. CPAP-related biological warfare. We chase more than a few rabbits before handing out the Dumbest Decision Award, making our Rules of Engagement, testing our chances of surviving an alien invasion, and learning way more than anyone ever asked about alien hygiene. Eventually, we land the plane and answer the important question: Does Signs join the club? 00:00:51 – Welcome Back: We Finally Watched Signs 00:03:00 – M. Night Shyamalan: It’s Complicated 00:08:07 – Little Green Men: Crop Circles, Close Encounters & Stonehenge 00:15:45 – The Rundown: Aliens, Faith & a Whole Lot of Corn 00:19:23 – The Main Feature: Crop Circles, Last Words, and Dinner Drama 00:54:31 – The Perfectly Logical Journey from Cornhole to Contouring 01:02:32 – The Dumbest Decision Award: Maybe Don't Invade the Water Planet 01:15:38 – The Rules of Engagement: Just Add Water 01:22:52 – The Survival Test: Could We Make It Out Alive? 01:30:34 – Smash or Pass: Nasty Nails, No Showers & Toxic Gas 01:37:04 – The Final Verdict: Does Signs Officially Join the Club? 01:38:25 – Spin the Wheel: Revealing Our Next Nightmare

De-Season Your Feet Before Bed (Obsession 2026)

Welcome back to The Scarier Things Club! First things first: we lied. We told you we’d be covering Signs (we promise we’ll get to it!), but after taking a field trip to the theater to see Curry Barker’s Obsession, we couldn’t wait to sit down and talk about it. We get into what makes this indie psychological horror film work so well, our favorite moments, the ending, and whether Obsession deserves all the buzz it’s been getting online. Also: High school crushes. Tori Kelly. Leatherface. Goodwill cats. Magic necklaces. Kneecap carnage. In the middle of all that, we still manage to hand out the Dumbest Decision Award, play Smash or Pass, figure out who’d survive, and answer the question that really matters: Does Obsession join the club? 00:00:48 – Welcome Back: Signs Can Wait... 00:03:21 – Call Us Usher, Because These Are Our Confessions 00:17:54 – The Rundown: Setting the Scene for Obsession 00:20:30 – The Main Feature: Theories, Rabbit Holes, and Elf 00:53:14 – The Dumbest Decision Award: A Lot of Strong Contenders 00:59:51 – The Rules of Engagement: How to Survive the One Wish Willow 01:04:01 – The Survival Test: Could We Make It Out Alive? 01:08:55 – Smash or Pass: Zero Green Flags 01:11:30 – The Final Verdict: Does Obsession Officially Join the Club? 01:15:13 – Spin the Wheel... Sort Of

Jimmy Neutron Has Some Explaining to Do (Alien 1979)

Welcome back to The Scarier Things Club! This week we're talking about Ridley Scott's Alien (1979) while drinking Nostromo Breakfast Lattes made with cereal milk. We revisit the chestburster scene, the Xenomorph's iconic debut, Ripley being the only person with any sense, and whether Alien deserves all the hype almost 50 years later. Also: cheesecloth. Coke Freestyle machines. Breakfast cereal in space. Jesus on Mars. Jimmy Neutron’s misguided anatomy lesson. Somehow all of those things become relevant before we hand out the Dumbest Decision Award, play Smash or Pass, figure out who'd survive on the Nostromo, and decide if Alien officially joins the club. Grab a drink and come hang out. 00:00:50 – Welcome Back: Nostromo Breakfast Lattes & Cereal Milk 00:09:10 – Do Aliens Exist? From Faith to Facehuggers 00:17:50 – The Rundown: A Quick Synopsis of Alien (1979) 00:25:45 – The Main Feature: Does Alien Still Deserve the Hype? 00:49:01 – Wait… Are We Still Talking About Alien? 01:03:42 – The Dumbest Decision Award: Roasting the Worst Decisions 01:09:40 – The Rules of Engagement: How to Survive a Xenomorph 01:14:44 – The Ultimate Question: Would the Hosts Survive the Nostromo? 01:17:27 – Smash or Pass: Would We Risk It All for a Xenomorph? 01:21:53 – The Final Verdict: Does Alien Officially Join the Club? 01:24:26 – Spin the Wheel: Revealing Our Next Nightmare

Don't Bring a Flashlight to a Machete Fight (IT 1990)

Welcome to the premiere episode of The Scarier Things Club! Join your hosts Shannan, Beth, and Mark as they grab some home-brewed Pennywise Lattes and dive into the nostalgia of the 1990 Stephen King's IT miniseries. We chat about the creepy circus music, talk about Tim Curry and a young Seth Green, and debate if those retro 90s special effects still hold up today. Along the way, we track the history of creepy clowns and unpack our own terrible survival instincts—including Beth mistaking her own water bottle for a ghost at the haunted Crescent Hotel, and the real reason you don't bring a flashlight to a machete fight. Grab a coffee and join the club! 00:00:00 – Welcome to the Club: Sips, Snaps, and Pennywise Lattes 00:08:30 – The Psychology of the Creep: From Court Jesters to the 2016 Clown Craze 00:11:30 – Terrible Survival Instincts: Machetes & Crescent Hotel Ghosts 00:17:24 – The Rundown: A Quick Synopsis of Stephen King’s IT (1990) 00:19:30 – The Main Feature: Does the 1990 Miniseries Still Float? 00:39:51 – The Dumbest Decision Award: Roasting the Worst Character Choices 00:51:23 – The Rules of Engagement: How to Survive Tim Curry's Pennywise 00:55:20 – The Ultimate Question: Would the Hosts Actually Survive Derry? 00:58:42 – Smash or Pass: Would We Risk It All for Pennywise? 01:04:55 – The Final Verdict: Does This Movie Officially Join the Club? 01:07:05 – Spin the Wheel: Revealing Our Next Nightmare

Welcome To The Scarier Things Club (Trailer)

Horror movies have rules. Most victims don't follow them. We're here to judge. Welcome to Scarier Things Club, the podcast where we review scary movies, roast the characters who got what they had coming, debate whether we'd actually survive the night, and break down the rules that separate the survivors from the first kills. New episodes coming soon. Hit follow so you don't miss Episode 1 — because unlike the guy who went to check on that weird noise in the basement, you should make smart choices.