Stagione 7
following from my previous "how to turn a flop into a flopportunity" video - once you've survived the flop, here are five things to consider when maintaining and protecting your slay. after a challenging or down period, its easy to become careless or develop blindspots once we think we've moved on from something, but that can also lead to blindspots and creating an unsustainable cycle. these are some mindset shifts that have helped me to feel like i'm actually growing, transforming and being hot and having fun, rather than being on a floppercoaster. MERCH IS LIVE!!! www.friendcrush.club sign up for the newsletter for 10% off paid patreon subscribers get access to additional discount codes patreon.com/amberakilla 00:00 - intro 01:33 - flop and slay are equally important 03:44 - 1. the flop: where you were 04:16 - 2. the shift: what got you out 05:57 - 3. the aftermath: who & what survives 09:23 - you can’t drag other people up, but anyone can drag you down (relationships, habits, patterns) 11:12 - 4. maintenance: protecting your slay 13:43 - discipline & delayed gratification as a form of self-devotion 14:32 - 80/20 rule 16:48 - redefine key terms - metacognition 18:04 - be your own bestie 20:02 - lean into your new identity 21:58 - 5. long term: micro-flopping & adaptability 22:12 - embrace the contrast, hold multiple truths at once 22:53 - be aware of your natural negative bias related videos: flop into flopportunity https://youtu.be/Y9iQ_MYCIGU the price of slaying is haters https://youtu.be/086IvuwYzeA the vibe you bring to the function https://youtu.be/e4hrPViYKK8 hot girl habits https://youtu.be/DszRCbx0_AE meditation https://youtu.be/3ZWMNxYIusQ journalling https://youtu.be/BzY2mc5eouc non-negotiable hobbies https://youtu.be/XlStSk0b4KI https://youtu.be/jKVo3bGoyxg slay habits: how to start new habits, habit forming https://youtu.be/31_hsYlM6Tw metacognition: speak to the manager within https://youtu.be/I2cBDd8akeo defining love https://youtu.be/mqu4RRzr2oo increase your baseline https://youtu.be/iwT59y8LWfE everything is vibes: be hot and have fun https://youtu.be/1mv6EZX003Y hot girls don’t let comparison be the theif of joy https://youtu.be/IHXexhPc5ns
welcome to our first meditation/affirmations track!!! produced and written by meeeee make sure to set aside some undistracted time to do the meditation for maximum relaxation !!! MERCH COMING VERY SOON - SIGN UP FOR UPDATES AND GET A DISCOUNT CODE!! friendcrush.club follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ i’m on substack!!! https://substack.com/@amberakilla subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! $3 a month, 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://friendcrush.club/products/digital-product The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises https://friendcrush.club/products/digital-product-1 BOOBS OUT SUMMER PLAYLIST https://open.spotify.com/playlist/05zayhZh0D64W0RDsVn3U0?si=132d4e9041994cd4 https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://substack.com/@amberakilla/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
shorter version of the 11:11 Diva Frequency track for when you're on the go or need a quick recalibration!!! produced and written by meeeee make sure to set aside some undistracted time to do the meditation for maximum relaxation !!! MERCH COMING VERY SOON - SIGN UP FOR UPDATES AND GET A DISCOUNT CODE!! friendcrush.club follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ i’m on substack!!! https://substack.com/@amberakilla subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! $3 a month, 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://friendcrush.club/products/digital-product The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises https://friendcrush.club/products/digital-product-1 BOOBS OUT SUMMER PLAYLIST https://open.spotify.com/playlist/05zayhZh0D64W0RDsVn3U0?si=132d4e9041994cd4 https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://substack.com/@amberakilla/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
welcome to our first meditation/affirmations track!!! produced and written by meeeee make sure to set aside some undistracted time to do the meditation for maximum relaxation !!! MERCH COMING VERY SOON - SIGN UP FOR UPDATES AND GET A DISCOUNT CODE!! friendcrush.club follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ i’m on substack!!! https://substack.com/@amberakilla subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! $3 a month, 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://friendcrush.club/products/digital-product The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises https://friendcrush.club/products/digital-product-1 BOOBS OUT SUMMER PLAYLIST https://open.spotify.com/playlist/05zayhZh0D64W0RDsVn3U0?si=132d4e9041994cd4 https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://substack.com/@amberakilla/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
youtube video: https://youtu.be/_rVMkThrBaw there aren’t enough words in the english dictionary to describe women who are living their best life and have healthy boundaries. we always have to reclaim language that has previously been used to disempower or judge women. anytime a woman makes herself less available for other people so that she can focus on herself and her own needs, she is labelled ‘selfish’… is she selfish or did she decide to gracefully pull back or exit a dynamic that took more from her than she recieved ????? to me this is not a moral issues because people have the right to be selfish and to indulge in other people’s selfishness, but on the flip side, people also have the right to walk away when it doesn’t work for them anymore. entitlement to one way extraction will not be tolerated! either deal with it, increase your contribution/what you have to offer or find someone else with lower standards. sign up for gossip & updates + discount code for merch drop! friendcrush.club 00:00 - 03:25 - intro 03:25 - 10:34 - sovereignty vs selfishness 10:34 - 13:15 - when sovereignty is mistaken for selfishness 13:15 - 14:15 - when you are the selfish one 14:15 - 17:20 - sovereignty & meeting your own needs, being hot & having fun 17:20 -18:54 - non-negotiable hobbies 18:54 - 19:11 - do you want to be right or do you want to be hot & having fun 19:11 - 23:55 - fear of being perceived/seen 23:55 -24:40 - redirecting your time, energy & attention 24:40 - 25:34 - the bullsh*t never ends 25:34 - as you change, so does your experience of existing relationships ☆
youtube episode: https://youtu.be/YtpeBQxoROo when you think you'll never be in a toxic relationship/friendship/job again and you walk away from one and into another ... lmao 00:00 intro 01:06 - empty space is unnatural and nature will find a way to fill it 01:42 - acknowledging that you are weak in order to become strong 03:09 - flop and slay coexist 04:09 - its not just the goal its also the management of the consequences that come with achieving it 04:41 - how assumptions create blind spots 05:42 - psychological audit 06:29 - anxiety vs self-trust 07:10 - notice when you are filing in gaps for space that only time & experience can fill 08:12 - empower yourself in your decision making 08:26 - seeking win-win relationships 08:53 - learning to sit with disappointment and move on instead of ruminating 10:58 - getting out of toxic dynamics 11:55 - non-negotiable hobbies & trying new things 13:10 - confronting & integrating pain vs running or avoiding it 13:51 - circumstantial change vs spiritual transformation 14:21 - you need a different approach if you want a different outcome 14:58 - actions speak louder than words!!! 15:15 - e.g. when an ex reaches out 16:44 - act according to the outcome that you want 16:57 - not responding is a response 17:04 - the person who cares the least, wins 18:16 - it doesn’t always feel toxic at first 18:53 - learning to self-regulate and pace connection 19:09 - being open to being proven wrong and trusting yourself to make difficult decisions 19:23 - always have something that you care about protecting that is your responsibility to maintain 19:41 - optimize to enjoy your life to the fullest 20:03 - learn to enjoy the challenge of protecting what you care about 20:21 - when you try and evade responsibility, you open yourself up to chaos 21:07 - learning to notice guilt & shame and observing rather than repressing or avoiding 23:00 - being honest with yourself when you cbf something and moving on 23:42 - when are you pursuing something from a place of ego vs real compatibility 24:28 - everyone’s needs are different 25:54 - the WILL to extend yourself
youtube video: https://youtu.be/Y9iQ_MYCIGU never let a flop go to waste!!!!! Hegel said that negativity is precisely what keeps existence alive. Not negativity in a psychological sense, but in a philosophical sense. You don't know what positivity is without negativity. If you only had the power to do things, you would lose the ability to not do things and rest. If you only think, then your thoughts continuously scatter and you lose the ability to reflect and contemplate. If you only slay then you are at risk of burnout and it would eventually become meaningless without the contrast of flop to anchor your slay. Friction, resistance and pain are necessary to indicate the possibilities of growth. Overly focusing on them can create the risk of unnecessary suffering. Practicing bringing awareness and intention to sovereign decision making is how we start to navigate the inevitable oscillation between flop and slay in a way that facilitates Being Hot & Having Fun!!! yayayayaa (ref: The Burnout Society by Byung-Chul Han) The Burnout Society by Byung-Chul Han https://amzn.to/4xxaHy3 (affiliate link) 00:00 - 00:54 - intro 00:54 - 01:34 - in flop there is slay, in slay there is flop 01:34 - 02:21 - what have you been conditioned to optimize your life for 02:21 - 03:27 - the hidden cost of maximizing efficiency 03:27 - 04:49 - be selective & specific about the types of challenges you are open to 04:49 - 07:01 - flopping is a training opportunity 07:01 - 08:25 - life happens in cycles 08:25 - 09:51 - maybe you haven’t flopped enough yet 09:51 - 12:26 - welcoming challenges as growth opportunities 12:26 - flop and slay is a spectrum not a binary 12:57 - social media - monitoring spirit behaviour & cancel culture purity tests 13:38 - entertainment & education 14:39 - hate can’t land if you’re a moving target 15:11 - which flop is your responsibility 16:54 - increase your surface area for slay 18:47 - lean into minor inconveniences 23:18 - using conflict as a training opportunity 24:25 - adjust your approach according to what’s at stake 26:12 - controlled and intentional crash outs 27:29 - knowing what you don’t like is just as important 29:03 - once you’ve been through the flop you don’t even want to think about it 29:24 - have a sense of humour follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
youtube episode: https://youtu.be/0ShM2LgCVRE some thoughts on over-thinking and rumination and how i turned my depression around!!! something that i didn't mention was to challenge myself to become more solution driven in my thinking - which was kind of the catalyst for my podcast and content! i thought, if i'm going to overthink about things then i may as well try to be coherent and in a way that could help other people. in the process i have been able to develop and evolve my thinking and my life in a way that wouldn't have been possible had i just stayed stagnant and in a mental spiral. rather than becoming over-identified with my diagnosis, i thought about it as a problem to solve/a lifestyle approach that needed adjusting in order to minimize symptoms and notice when i might be more vulnerable to unhealthy thought patterns and behaviours. break the loop!!! stop it from getting ahead of you!!! there are lots of other thoughts i can probably share in future but here is a start ~ feel free to share your own experience and tips in the comments!!!
i think it's called meta-cognition when you observe your internal relationships to external things... the relationship between self and object, rather than the object itself. i'm not denying the realities of oppressive systems and real harm, more like how you might be able to navigate them from a more empowered place so you can be hot & have fun in a way that makes sense to you!!! ~~ as always, please share your thoughts! 00:00 - intro 03:17 - it’s not the thing itself, it’s your relationship to the thing 04:18 - being hot & having fun 04:34 - connotative vs denotative interpretation 05:40 - how you perceive reality is specific to you 06:27 - adjust and redefine 06:51 - your identity is dynamic 07:10 - superficial change vs spiritual growth 07:32 - your personality is the sum of your habits 08:01 - performative slay 08:25 - radical acceptance 09:03 - optimising for FUN and EFFECTIVENESS 09:24 - doing a mental audit 09:48 - avoid defaulting to binary mental traps 10:09 - redefining your relationship to money 11:56 - redefining your relationship to love 12:53 - suspend your moral framework of unmet expectations = bad 14:37 - appreciating life beyond just what you can perceive 15:18 - redefining your relationship to power 15:41 - sidenote: virtuous suffering 16:28 - SPEAK TO THE MANAGER WITHIN 17:08 - the willingness to seek and create win-win dynamics 18:31 - diffuse your awareness and observe before assuming you have to double down on a position 19:32 - changing your relationship to beauty 22:39 diversify your sources of validation 22:51 - the skills to look hot vs cultivate self-respect are different 23:23 - notice and manage your human desire for silver bullet solutions 23:57 - embrace the process of trial and error to accumulate experience 24:26 - the fear of flop/failure is often worse than the flop itself 24:59 - the most sustainable and rewarding growth takes time and usually isnt glamorous 25:30 - redefining your relationship to your emotions 26:21 - associating discomfort with growth rather than failure 26:32 - redefining your relationship with your identity/identity markers 27:06 oppositional identity, “counterwill” and oppositional defiant disorder 28:05 - people will love & hate you whether you enjoy your life or not so focus on figuring out how to enjoy it 28:43 - redefining your relationship to rest references: patriarchy and power: how socialisation underpins abusive behaviour Psychological drivers of gender disparities in leadership paths what underlies a teen oppositional defiant disorder diagnosis books (affiliate links) The Tao of Physics by Fritijof Capra The Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peck all about love by bell hooks The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf Ways of Seeing by John Berger
some thoughts on how my relationship with my hometown and childhood trauma has changed over time for anyone that might be or has struggled with something similar. its not where you're from, but your relationship to the place, the memory and the role it plays in your life that matters. let me know your thoughts too! ♡ follow me on IG ☆ https://instagram.com/amberakilla/ i’m on substack!!! https://substack.com/@amberakilla subscribe for friend crush club groupchat, exclusive episodes & perks! $3 a month, 1 week free trial! ♡ patreon.com/amberakilla slay habit trackers ☆ free download https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem x Being Hot & Having Fun Sentence Completion Exercises https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem-x-being-hot-having-fun-sentence-completion siren songs playlist for femininity and slay :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/46yJM6jydtkVN1XWCvlfHl?si=270318a4cc7a44a2 autumn in my arms playlist !!! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1443BT6zmwdWnRx9nCP1tf?si=f954fb299af54270 https://instagram.com/friend.crush/ https://substack.com/@amberakilla/ https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla https://twitter.com/amberakilla https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla