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The Variety Show (with Tom and Rob)

The Variety Show (with Tom and Rob)

by Studio:Channel84

Season 4

Microwave Chips, Movie Swearing and a Weaponised Fart

Episode 89 begins with a simple question: what happens when tap to pay stops working and you’ve left your wallet at home? After a £99.98 Lidl close call, Tom takes aim at Sky Mobile’s Roy Keane advert, Rob reveals that he had no idea who Roy Keane was, and the pair establish that repeatedly smashing a phone against a card reader is not a convincing demonstration of modern technology. Then it’s time to decide how much swearing belongs in a PG film. Inspired by Star Trek IV, Coyote vs Acme and the BBFC’s wonderfully vague definition of “mild bad language”, Tom and Rob work through the acceptable uses of bloody, bugger, piss, bitch and several other words you probably weren’t expecting to hear during a discussion about children’s films. Gaming brings the arrival of Nintendo’s new Zelda remake, a rare pre-order from Tom, an Ocarina pin badge and another furious encounter with online scalpers. With consoles appearing on eBay before anyone has received them, the proposed solution involves Nintendo accounts, activation restrictions and considerably more common sense. The Snack Sack returns with a microwave chip showdown. McCain’s Quick Chips — formerly the far better-named Microchips — face Birds Eye Express Fries. One is soggy yet somehow dry; the other resembles day-old McDonald’s chips and provides an unexpected jaw workout. The salt does most of the work, Fries to Go remain missing, and the air fryer wins by default. There’s also unfinished business from the Foley challenge. Trains, whales and warp-speed spacecraft are recreated using plates, mouths, audio effects and one heavily manipulated fart. Rob misunderstands the assignment, Tom’s wife unknowingly votes for the fart, and dignity quietly leaves the studio. Finally, a movie-franchise quiz makes everyone feel ancient as The Hunger Games, Cars, Shrek, Pokémon, Jurassic Park, Terminator, Alien, Star Trek, James Bond and Quatermass are placed in order. Then Pretty Green Eyes battles Stop the Rock in a sweat-soaked burst of 90s club nostalgia. Main website: www.thevarietyshow.co.uk Studio: www.channel84.co.uk E-mail your questions: tj@thevarietyshow.co.uk #TheVarietyShow #UKComedyPodcast #MoviePodcast #GamingPodcast #90sNostalgia

Amazon, Adverts and 90s Dance Anthems

Rob wins £750 and immediately assumes he's being scammed. Surprisingly, he isn't. Unfortunately, that's where things start going wrong. This week, Rob & Tom return with an Amazon delivery nightmare involving a Nintendo Switch 2, a missing parcel, Evri, endless AI customer-service loops and an A-to-Z refund process that takes two weeks to escape. Eventually, Rob gets his Switch 2 — but not before having to use AI to help him argue with AI. Welcome to the future. Tom, meanwhile, has achieved perhaps his greatest Dad Win yet. A treasured 3D-printed dragon suffers a catastrophic tail injury, and somehow a questionable purchase from the middle aisle of Lidl saves the day. Turns out buying tools you don't need really can pay off eventually. Then we're heading back into classic British TV advertising for a new quiz. Tom plays the original songs behind ten famous advert parodies, while Rob has to work out which products stole the tunes and rewrote the lyrics. Expect forgotten jingles, questionable memories and the disturbing realisation that advertising from thirty years ago is still occupying valuable space in our brains. Finally, Was It Best Left in the Nineties returns with two huge but very different 90s dance tracks fighting for survival. One gets another chance. One gets sent back to the decade it came from. Naturally, Rob and Tom completely disagree, leading to old arguments resurfacing, The Poddington Peas entering proceedings and Pokémon itself ending up on trial. Plus Nintendo nostalgia, microwave chips, Cornetto memories, old-school UK adverts and the usual collection of completely unnecessary tangents. The Variety Show with Tom & Rob from Studio. Rude. Fun. Unfiltered. #TheVarietyShow #90sNostalgia #NintendoSwitch2 #90sMusic #UKPodcast

The One Where the Fire Marshal Started a Fire

This week, The Variety Show is doing things a little differently. Rob and Tom aren't even in the same room, the audio has had a few adventures of its own, and instead of the usual games, taste tests and nostalgia, they're answering five questions designed to reveal far more than anyone really needed to know. What food deserves to be permanently wiped from existence? Which country would we pack our bags for tomorrow? And, from decades of British comedy, which show could we happily sit down and watch again and again? Those fairly innocent questions lead to arguments about offensive condiments, questionable genetics, time travel, retro gaming, dream holidays and an enormous wander through British comedy. Red Dwarf, Fawlty Towers, Dad's Army, The IT Crowd, Bottom, The Young Ones, Shooting Stars, The League of Gentlemen, Friday Night Dinner, Derry Girls and plenty more get dragged into the conversation. Then things get considerably more personal when we ask for the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to us at work. Rob's answer somehow involves a hospital, surgery, a student nurse and an extremely unfortunate interruption. Tom, meanwhile, recalls the day he arrived at a business as the professional responsible for teaching everyone about fire safety. The actual fire brigade subsequently turned up. We'll let you work out how well the training went. Finally, after more than 86 episodes, countless quizzes, questionable snacks, Christmas specials, nostalgia, Melody Pops, murder walks, prison pigeons and all manner of other nonsense, there's one deceptively difficult question left: what's the best thing we've ever done on The Variety Show? For once, things even get a little bit wholesome. Five questions. Two separate recordings. Several stories that probably shouldn't have been told. And one fire marshal who will forever have to live with the fact that the fire brigade turned up to his fire safety course. Pretty standard, really. #TheVarietyShow #UKPodcast #ComedyPodcast #BritishComedy #StudioChannel84 Find out more at the website: https://thevarietyshow.co.uk

It Wasn't Moby

It wasn’t Moby. That much we can tell you. Episode 86 begins with Tom and Rob discussing the show’s new searchable name, audio experiments and whether a broken Dell laptop can be fixed by punching it. Naturally, this leads to neighbour disputes, hosepipe bans, major water leaks and sewage-filled rivers. Nice and cheerful, then. Next, familiar songs are stripped of their melody, rhythm and dignity in Guess the Song from the Speed-Read Lyrics. Inspired partly by William Shatner’s unique approach to music, Rob must identify well-known tracks from a completely monotonous reading. Play along and see if you fare any better. Snack Sack returns with crispy chicken skin, Aldi vindaloo-flavoured crunchy sticks and onion bhaji-flavoured rings. Expect pet-shop aromas, questionable textures, curry debates and a surprisingly detailed discussion about what makes the perfect chipstick. No scores spoiled here. Finally, Was It Best Left in the 90s? It’s a battle of massive power ballads, movie soundtracks and musical nostalgia—but only one can survive. Rude. Fun. Unfiltered. It’s The Variety Show with Tom and Rob. Pictures can be found here plus results from other episodes: https://thevarietyshow.co.uk/episode/s4e86 #TheVarietyShow #UKComedyPodcast #MusicQuiz #SnackReview #90sMusic

The Summer Crime Walkabout

What happens when you mix a true crime documentary, a walking tour, local history and two middle-aged idiots who can’t stay on topic? You get The Summer Crime Walkabout. For this special episode of The Variety Show from Studio:Channel84, Rob and Tom head out into the streets of St Albans to investigate five notorious crimes connected to the city. At every location, a professionally narrated story reveals a shocking murder, an infamous criminal or an unsolved mystery. There’s just one catch: one of the stories is completely fake. Can you work it out before Rob does? The walk takes in St Albans Hospital, St Peter Street, London Road Station, Sopwell Allotments and St Albans Cathedral, exploring the disturbing story of poisoner Graham Young, the failed IRA bombing that nearly became one of Britain’s worst terrorist attacks, historic murders, cold cases and eerie local legends that have survived for generations. Alongside the crime stories you’ll also hear Rob and Tom’s memories of growing up in Hertfordshire, childhood adventures, beer festivals, haunted cathedrals, ghost stories, embarrassing hospital experiences and the sort of conversations that could only happen on The Variety Show. Then, because podcast listeners deserve a little something extra, the episode continues after the video ends with an exclusive bonus section. There’s another edition of the Taste Test, featuring Fanta Dark Cherry, Mountain Dew Dragon Fruit and Pepsi Refresh Shot, complete with completely unnecessary scoring, arguments about fizzy drinks and whether modern Pepsi still tastes like it used to. Finally, the conversation turns unexpectedly creepy as the dads discuss children seeing ghosts, unexplained encounters, haunted manor houses, imaginary friends, unsettling things kids say and whether there might actually be something to those spooky stories after all. Whether you’re here for true crime, British history, St Albans, unsolved mysteries, urban legends, ghost stories, food and drink reviews, parenting chat, or just Rob and Tom making each other laugh, this episode has a bit of everything. #TrueCrime #StAlbans #BritishHistory #GhostStories #TheVarietyShow

We Tried Recreating Movie Themes With Melody Pops

The Variety Show Podcast returns with one of our most ridiculous episodes yet as Rob and Tom tackle everything from podcast SEO frustrations to Melody Pops musical disasters. We kick things off with a rant about another podcast using a confusingly similar name, why discoverability matters, and the realities of building an independent podcast in 2026. Then Tom shares his spoiler-free thoughts on Supergirl, why social media reviews can’t always be trusted, and why sometimes you simply have to make your own mind up. The return of Guess The Link puts Rob to the test with five seemingly unrelated questions. Can you work out the connection before he does? Next comes one of our favourite listener challenges yet. The Chipmunk and Beaver have challenged us to become Foley artists, recreating everything from a whale underwater and a heartbeat through a stethoscope to train tracks, warp drive and even… a fart in space. Then everything descends into complete chaos. Armed with classic Chupa Chups Melody Pops, we attempt to recreate famous movie and TV theme tunes using nothing but whistle-shaped lollipops. Expect Indiana Jones, Ghostbusters, classic television themes, plenty of laughter, and two grown men questioning every life decision that brought them to this moment. Finally, Was It Best Left In The 90s? returns with a battle between Cartoons’ Witch Doctor and Hanson’s MMMBop. Which deserves another chance, and which should stay firmly in the decade that created it? If you enjoy comedy podcasts, movie discussions, nostalgic games, quizzes, pop culture debates, ridiculous challenges and two mates making each other laugh, this episode is packed with exactly that. #ComedyPodcast #MoviePodcast #GuessTheLink #MelodyPops #90sNostalgia

Why Is There A Giant Knife In The Daycare?

The Variety Show is back and this episode somehow manages to cover football, children’s TV, floppy disks and fake hazelnuts in the same conversation. Rob and Tom kick things off by trying to work out why the World Cup feels strangely invisible this year. Where are the flags, the mascots, the wall-to-wall coverage and the endless football hype? Is it just us, or does this tournament feel different? Things quickly descend into chaos when a seemingly innocent Peppa Pig football story turns into a full-scale investigation into cheating, questionable refereeing decisions and what exactly we’re teaching children about winning and losing. Then it’s time for one of the strangest things we’ve ever reviewed on the show: a classic Tweenies knife safety special. What starts as a well-meaning children’s safety video rapidly becomes a running commentary on daycare procedures, safeguarding concerns and why there appears to be a giant knife sitting in the middle of a nursery kitchen. The Snack Sack returns with Aldi Delta Strips, a Hazelnut Twix that raises more questions than answers, and Australian Cadbury Dream white chocolate. Which snack impressed us, which one disappointed us, and why are companies obsessed with putting hazelnut flavour into everything? Another round of “Do You Remember?” featuring a nostalgic trip back to the days of neon floppy disks, school computer rooms and transferring files one disk at a time. Finally, a return to “Was It Best Left In The 90s?” featuring two very different chart hits battling for survival. It’s another completely normal episode of The Variety Show. Which is to say, not normal at all. #PeppaPig #Tweenies #WorldCup #SnackSack #90sNostalgia

We Have Seen The Chipmunk’s Beaver

Tom and Rob are back for Episode 82 and, after the emotional ADHD special, normal service has resumed. This week the lads dive headfirst into the wonderful chaos that is Eurovision. Was Sam Ryder robbed? Is the voting system completely broken? Should countries stop awarding points to each other and leave the whole thing to the public? And how did the UK’s entry become annoyingly catchy despite every instinct telling them it shouldn’t? They also reveal plans for a very special upcoming Episode 85. A mystery walk around St Albans featuring five locations, five stories and one lie. With contributions from friends of the show including Karen, Adam, Simon, John and Drew Lusion, it’s shaping up to be one of the most ambitious things Studio:Channel84 has attempted. The Chipmunk and Beaver return with another round of Badly Described Movies, sending Tom and Rob down increasingly ridiculous rabbit holes as they attempt to identify famous films from clues that are either brilliantly clever or downright cruel. Meanwhile, the Snack Sack is packed once again. This episode features a pistachio-filled chocolate bar that feels suspiciously familiar, a cookie dough experiment that raises more questions than answers, and a new flavour of Walkers crisps that sparks an unexpectedly passionate debate about gravy. There’s also discussion of TFL strike misery, Christmas decorations appearing far too early, questionable Eurovision ambitions, parenting realities, and a heated edition of Best Left In The 90s as two iconic 90s songs go head-to-head with only one surviving the trip back to the present day. As always, expect pop culture, nostalgia, food reviews, terrible opinions, accidental filth, and two middle-aged dads somehow ending up talking about beavers for far longer than anyone intended. Find out more about all the shows at https://channel84.co.uk. #Eurovision #SnackSack #90sMusic #ComedyPodcast #MovieQuiz

Why ADHD Isn’t A Superpower

This week’s episode of The Variety Show from Studio:Channel84 is a little different. No usual chaos. No Rob. No ridiculous debates (well… mostly). Just Tom, out on a late-night walk, talking honestly about something that’s shaped far more of life than he ever realised: ADHD. After being diagnosed with adult ADHD at 42, Tom opens up about what the process actually looked like — from NHS Right to Choose referrals, therapy, and diagnosis, to trying ADHD medication including methylphenidate, lisdexamfetamine and atomoxetine. But this isn’t a medical guide. It’s the messy, personal reality of what happens when you finally start understanding why your brain works the way it does. From doomscrolling and low mood, to self-esteem, procrastination, rejection sensitivity, masking, overthinking and the constant mental noise that never really switches off, this is an honest conversation about the bits of ADHD and depression that people don’t always talk about — especially in adults. Tom also gets candid about struggling this week, the reality of feeling burnt out, why “ADHD is a superpower” doesn’t sit right with everyone, and what happens when medication side effects hit harder than expected. It’s not the usual Variety Show energy — but if you’ve ever wondered what adult ADHD actually feels like, struggled with mental health, or know someone going through diagnosis later in life, maybe this one will resonate. There is still a tiny bit of normality, though… because no episode would be complete without a questionable taste test, this time involving Sprite Zero Mint, mojito comparisons, toothpaste vibes and immediate regret. Normal chaos resumes next episode. #ADHD #AdultADHD #MentalHealth #ADHDMedication #Depression

Say words, Eddie Vedder

Barclays tech support apparently runs on spreadsheets. Pearl Jam may or may not be speaking English. One child becomes emotionally invested in the tragic fate of fictional people who “didn’t want to die.” Just another normal week on The Variety Show. This episode spirals through customer service rage, impossible-to-understand song lyrics, and one of the strangest debates we’ve had yet: if X-Men mutations are real, did we all get the absolute worst powers? Ear rumbling, eyebrow lifting and nostril flaring are apparently not enough to save humanity. We dive back into another round of illegible lyrics featuring songs you definitely know… but probably never understood. Expect heated opinions, terrible guesses and a growing concern that some legendary singers may simply refuse to pronounce words properly. Snack Sack returns with sweet treats, imported oddities and a salt & vinegar experience that may qualify as a minor chemical incident. There are wins, disasters and at least one snack that should probably apologise for existing. We also revisit peak nostalgia with a challenge built around classic TV memories, weirdly specific childhood viewing habits and the kind of programming schedule that absolutely shaped an entire generation. Plus: a musical showdown where one iconic 90s anthem faces total destruction while another fights for survival. Elsewhere, there’s parenting chaos, bizarre kids’ playlists, questionable spam emails, nostalgia-fuelled nonsense, and the usual amount of rude, fun, unfiltered stupidity from Rob & Tom. New episodes every other Monday from The Variety Show at Studio:Channel84. #PearlJam #CottonEyeJoe #SnackReview #90sNostalgia #RobotWars

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