Tug of war is a well known game. Most of us know it, but I’ll explain it. You pull on one end against others who pull the other way.

For a while the rope has quite a lot of tension until one side gets enough momentum to pull the other side over.

The competition is fun with good natured friends or competitors.

So why is the same game of tense resistance between you and your bully such a nightmare?

Because competition between friends and good natured competitors is meant to build you up, but bullies always want to drag you down.

The tension created in the rope can only be made through cooperation. Everyone plays so that both sides get to have a good time, connecting with others.

The tension created between you and a bully is also cooperative, meaning they push or pull and you resist, but the reason it’s not goo ...