This week, Hilary and Simone are not feeling chill, because the world is basically a dumpster fire with WiFi. Things did get a bit more serious than normal, but when reality feels like a bad satire, what else can you do? So, naturally, we decided to unpack some of history’s greatest hits and today’s worst takes—while sipping on some liquor from Tanzania, because why not? Cheers.

We start with life before penicillin—when a simple paper cut could turn into your villain origin story. Then, we check in on Elon Musk, who is once again proving that having billions of dollars doesn’t make you a genius. Buying Twitter instead of solving world hunger? Groundbreaking. We also discuss Liberation Day and how Trump’s “liberation board” is giving strong Denny’s breakfast menu energy—except instead of pancakes, it’s serving up chaos.

Lobotomies make ...