Settling Is Bullshit | Podcast on RSS.com

Settling Is Bullshit

Settling Is Bullshit

by Cate Blouke

Self-Improvement Relationships

Season 5

61 | Being a Contribution

You know what fuels patriarchy and capitalism? The “what’s in it for me” mindset. You know what nourishes our souls and creates a sense of community, connection, and care (especially during difficult times)? Shifting into the mindset of being a contribution. Whether we call it being of service, sharing our gifts, or leaving things better than we found them – adopting a mentality of giving what we have to offer on a daily basis boosts our sense of happiness and well being. Changing the world (with a lowercase w) happens through simple acts of kindness and care between two people. So, if you need a little dose of hope and encouragement that you can make a difference today, this episode is for you. Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/ Resources, References, and Links Note: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool. Episode #35: Cultivating Joy Amidst the Shit Show The Art of Possibility by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander. The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Episode #29: Intuition & The Reclamation of Feminine Wisdom with Andrea Leda.

60 | Thriving with ADHD and Un-shaming Our Life Pivots with TT Hernandez

Living with ADHD in a neurotypical world is hard. It just is. But we don’t have to lose ourselves in shame and self-loathing when we can’t contort ourselves into the shapes society wants for us. In this conversation with TT Hernandez, artist and trauma-informed coach for creative minds, we share about our journeys as late-in-life diagnosed ADHDers and how we found our way out of shame and burnout and into self-compassion and self-care. A huge part of that process was un-shaming the ways that our quirky and magical ADHD brains operate and learning to embrace the inevitable life pivots that the universe throws at us… ideally learning to listen to the gentle nudges before getting hit upside the head with a two-by-four (or an actual softball, as was the case for TT!) Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2026/04/02/adhd-and-un-shaming-our-life-pivots-with-tt-hernandez/ Connect with TT Visit her website: tthernandez.com Follow her on Instagram: @the.tthernandez & @hall_lore_ween Order her books! Hall-lore-ween (Book 1) https://a.co/d/eGi5Px5 It’s Hall-lore-ween again! (Book 2) https://a.co/d/0MIbHM6 Resources, References, and Links DSM-5 Criteria for ADHD – when they separated things out into inattentive and hyperactive. Hyperfocus. “an intense fixation on an interest or activity for an extended period of time.” Episode #48: Honoring Our Limitations. Seven Grams. The short film TT illustrated. Rejection sensitivity. An aspect of ADHD in which we are acutely attuned to potential (and real) rejection. Body doubling. A simple but incredibly effective tool for ADHDers in which you simply have someone present with you while you work on difficult tasks. How to ADHD. My favorite YouTube channel for understanding and coping with ADHD.

59 | Getting Through the Messy Middle

Any time we’re making changes in our lives, any time we’re learning something new, any time the universe throws us a curve ball – there’s usually a big chunk of mess we have to wade through to get to the other side. This episode goes out to anyone who’s feeling stuck in that muck. Sometimes things are just shitty for a while. Sometimes we’re in limbo with nothing we can do about it. Sometimes we’re just bad at stuff while we try to get our feet back under us. And when we’re really just in it, that’s when we need an extra bit of help. So, this episode is your pep talk for getting through the messy middle, for remembering that acceptance, community support, and cultivating hope are all tools you can reach for (even if you don’t feel like it). Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/ Resources, References, and Links The Insidious Grip of a Fixed Mindset https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/13/the-insidious-grip-of-a-fixed-mindset/ Hope Isn’t a Feeling – It’s a Choice https://settlingisbullshit.com/2023/04/20/hope-isnt-a-feeling-its-a-choice/ Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE’s). Traumatic events that happen between the ages of 0-17. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/24875-adverse-childhood-experiences-ace

58 | Consciously Choosing the Costs of Love

A reflection in the midst of heartache, this episode touches on what it means to be in relationship – with ourselves and with others (and with the pets that we have to eventually let go). There are costs to love – sometimes hidden, often overlooked, but almost always worth it. Your invitation with this listen is to come home to the love within and to consciously choose to show up in love today – in whatever corner of your life needs it most. Content note: I had to put my cat to sleep last week, and I talk about it here, though not in any detail. So this is also an episode about grief and gratitude. Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/

57 | Whatever It Is, Just Pick It Back Up (Again)

Whether it’s a New Year’s Resolution that’s already fallen to the wayside, a healthy habit you’ve been struggling to reintegrate, or a lovely little hobby that once brought you joy – today’s episode is your pep talk to just pick it back up. No guilt. No shame. No stories about wasted time. The truth is that we all fall out of sync with the things we want for ourselves. Habits are hard to maintain, especially new ones. And dedicating time to cultivating joy can feel hard without sufficient momentum. So, I’m here to offer myself and you not a kick in the pants, but a gentle nudge to just get the wheels turning again. Even a tiny bit of action might just get you back on the road to your most awesome self. Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2026/01/11/whatever-it-is-just-pick-it-back-up-again/ Resources, References, and Links Note: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool. Atomic Habits by James Clear. Super great book to pick up if you want to make changes in your life. An Invocation for Beginnings by Ze Frank. I have watched this video well over 100 times – it’s SO good. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYlCVwxoL_g 2025 New Year post – ”Intentions Are Better than Goals (Especially for the New Year)” (AKA Episode #28) Episode #35 - “Cultivating Joy Amidst the Shit Show” And just for bonus fun, some other motivating posts/recordings: “Habits and Routines and Rituals, Oh My!” “Start Small and You May Surprise Yourself” “In Praise of Gentle Consistency” (Episode #24) “Action Fuels Motivation (Seriously)”

Season 4

56 | Expectations Are the (Other) Thief of Joy

Unmet expectations are probably the leading cause of resentment in our lives – especially around the holidays! Just sayin’. But! Recognizing that we had (potentially unrealistic) expectations in the first place is a great step towards greater joy and freedom and being nice to each other. This little episode is a pep talk around recognizing our expectations, letting go of the unrealistic ones, giving ourselves permission to recalibrate, encouragement to talk openly about our needs, and to take care of ourselves so we can show up well in our lives. You know, the usual. It’s also an update on what’s going on behind the scenes over here – and an expectation reset! Since I had unreasonably high hopes for myself during my first term back in school. Sending love and fortitude as we enter the dark but merry time of year. Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/11/03/unmet-expectations-are-the-theif-of-joy/ Resources, References, and Links Episode #2: “Comparison Is the Thief of Joy.” Episodes #20 & #21: “Befriending Your Nervous System with Marjorie Schreurs.” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/10/10/befriending-your-nervous-system-1-activation/ Episode #25: “Bringing Boundaries and Self-Compassion to the Holidays with Jenny Tryansky.” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/11/21/bringing-boundaries-and-self-compassion-to-the-holidays-with-jenny-tryansky/

55 | Creativity and Movement Toward Healing with Somatic Therapist Amanda Melbostad

Creativity isn’t just for artists. It’s a way of engaging with the world that we all have access to, and which offers a playful and engaging pathway toward healing. It’s also a thing that we do with our bodies! That makes it an extra-helpful way to get out of our heads and move through whatever feelings we need to process. In this conversation with somatic therapist Amanda Melbostad, we explore the magic of accessing our creativity and finding safety in our bodies. We also talk about how to find the right therapist, how to open ourselves up to creative practices, and how freeing it can be to invite our inner critic to take a back seat. Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/10/01/creativity-movement-toward-healing-amanda-melbostad/ Support the podcast on Patreon @SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshit Connect with Amanda Visit their website (and book a free, 30 minute consultation) https://www.amandamelbostadtherapy.com/ Find them on Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/amanda-melbostad-portland-or/1562150 Find them on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/amanda-melbostad-aa1a4340/ Resources, References, and Links Note: book recommendations include affiliate links. If you buy a copy, I’ll get a tiny commission, and that would be super cool. Relational Therapy. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/relational-therapy Traveling Monet Exhibit. https://monetexpo.com/ My tiger picture! https://www.instagram.com/reel/DLjI5BFxhzX/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=cGpxOWFxZGh1NmJr Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert. Parts work episode. Episode #46: “Cultivating Self-Acceptance through Parts Work with Celine Redfield, LMFT.” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/06/26/cultivating-self-acceptance-through-parts-work-with-celine-redfield-lmft/ Blind contour exercise. https://www.artsy.net/article/artsy-editorial-blind-contour-drawing-help-better-artist Drawing Lab. https://www.powells.com/book/drawing-lab-for-mixed-media-artists-9781592536139 Vision boards. https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/a29959841/how-to-make-a-vision-board/

54 | Navigating Dating and Rejection (Cultivating Resilience)

This episode goes out to anyone who is wandering the minefield of modern dating and needs a little pep talk about rejection. It’s a rallying cry to remember that relationships are all about fit, and that when something doesn’t work out, it’s easier to believe that, in the long term, this is for our own good. So, basically, if you want to hear me remind you that things are ultimately going to be okay and that there’s an opportunity for learning and resilience in this experience – give this a listen. If you’re in the big feelings and grief of a break up or things not working out, this may not be the time to press play. Call and friend, cry it out, and come back when you’re ready to hear some optimism and hope. Read the transcript at SettlingIsBullshit.com Support the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshit Resources, References, and Links Episode #41: “If You’re Freaking Out Right Now… (Press Play) https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/05/22/if-youre-freaking-out-right-now/ Episode #52: “If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/27/if-nothing-changes-nothing-changes/ Blog Post/Bonus Episode: “Dating Is Supposed to Be FUN” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2024/01/31/dating-is-supposed-to-be-fun/ Episode #46: Cultivating Self-Acceptance through Parts Work with Celine Redfield, LMFT” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/06/26/cultivating-self-acceptance-through-parts-work-with-celine-redfield-lmft/ Episode #33: “Practical Mysticism and Trusting the Divine with Julie Day” https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/02/13/practical-mysticism-and-trusting-the-divine-with-julie-day/

53 | Opting Out of Hustle Culture with Matthew Smith, Founder of Wimp Decaf

It ain’t easy to step off the beaten path or to swim ashore from the river of what everyone else is doing. But consciously choosing to opt out of hustle culture and the grind of unrealistic expectations isn’t impossible! It’s hard, for sure. It’s also hella worth it. In this conversation with Matthew Smith, founder of Wimp Decaf and multi-passionate entrepreneur, we talk about his journey of stepping off the hustle treadmill and onto the path of living the life he actually wants. The conversation is also about our mutual journeys of sobriety and spirituality, the playfulness of accepting life as it is, learning what it’s like to have a regulated nervous system, defining what matters to us, and the liberation of getting to choose what counts as enough. Read the transcript at: https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/09/03/opting-out-of-hustle-culture-matthew-smith-wimp-decaf/ Support the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshit Connect with Matthew and Wimp Buy some decaf and/or sign up for the awesome Wimp newsletter https://www.wimpdecaf.com/ Follow Wimp on Instagram @wimpdecaf https://www.instagram.com/wimpdecaf/ Join the conversation on Reddit r/decaf_life https://www.reddit.com/r/decaf_life/

52 | If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes

While it’s a pithy and seemingly obvious statement, the fact remains that: if nothing changes, nothing changes. In other words, if we want things to be different, we have to start doing things differently. This counts for dating, career change, healthy habits, sobriety - any time we want things to be better, easier, or more awesome. So this episode is a pep talk for change and an opportunity for self-compassion around all the ways and reasons that change is hard! I also give you the rundown on the six stages of change – which is really just a cycle of change that we move through over and over again. If you need a refresher, here they are: Precontemplation Contemplation Preparation Action Maintenance Relapse (and then back to precontemplation!) Read the transcript and get the show notes at SettlingIsBullShit.com https://settlingisbullshit.com/2025/08/27/if-nothing-changes-nothing-changes/ Support the podcast on Patreon at SettlingIsBullshit https://www.patreon.com/SettlingIsBullshit

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