Greetings, cultured connoisseurs of intellectual emanations, it is I, you're beloved description writer. It has come to my cognizance that certain individuals among you have deemed it imperative to dispatch epistles to our hallowed central sanctum, ostensibly to critique our erstwhile oeuvre. From the very nadir of our corporate soul, we at Second Rate Saints Inc. embrace these critiques with utmost gravity, ever striving to ensure that you, yes, you, dear observer of our manifold splendors, feel duly venerated. By the celestial spheres, we cannot hazard even the slightest chance of your sensibilities being stirred by what one might, in a moment of weakness, term "good taste."

Henceforth, we shall address your collective intellectual majesty with nothing less than the most baroque of lexicons and the loftiest of dialectics  ...