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Reflections of Evelyn

Reflections of Evelyn

by Evelyn Slater-Shew

Self-Improvement Mental Health

Season 2

Forge Your Own Path

I want to send a special shout out to a dear friend and loved one who I recently connected with from high school and share some of the love and support she has given me since we have reconnected. It is so lovely to have her as my gal pal from Chicago and wanted to pass along her instagram page if you are interested in any life coaching, spiritual readings, or personal guidance you may be seeking. Tell her that Evelyn sent you and you are interested in a $25 session with her. She is exceptional and genuine. Here is her IG handle: @readingw.vitani8 (look for the purple “V” icon!) Oh man, this is wild. Here is the old skit I mentioned in this episode that I did in high school when I was 17 years old before I became a “punk”, ironically lol. Man, how is that even possible? And what is even weirder to me is that I was essentially the “producer” of the productions we did every talent show and everyone got to have their own skit where they were lead and this one was chosen for me. I remembered being very honored at the time because everyone had a talent they brought to the table, and I was usually the shittest dancer and most insecure and didn’t come with a talent that I was yet aware of. I was just the one begging to be included and was only included because I was friends with the gang so by default I got to be in the productions. It was definitely a popularity contest and as we started winning awards, others really wanted to join in on the fun. It was always just our friends who got to join in. I helped create and produce the feel of the set and put it together with the concepts and ideas behind the story lines which in hindset was pretty fucking cool that I naturally did that without knowing anything about producing. I guess it was in me all along. I wonder if there is something to that… I was even the one who came up with our production name: A. U. Famous which was to be pronounced as “AYE, YOU Famous?!” That is how you were supposed to announce us haha. Video found here: https://youtu.be/HJnk_Rv26c0?si=vXjO-y9wLfppYVbJ Lastly, I will end you with two fantastic quotes from my favorite movie which I have spoken about way too many times in my podcast. Think it might be time to officially watch it yet? Here is Victor and his mom from the iconic film, Choke (2008) and their opinions about life and possibly this episode. Also, IMDB sucks at movie quotes and I should not have to be editing their page haha. Eh…that’s funny…if you know, you know. Victor Mancini: Sometimes you have to lose everything before the penny finally drops... or... whatever. So here's what I figured out. We're not evil sinners or perfect knock offs of god.We let the world tell us whether we're saints or sex addicts. Sane or insane.Heroes or victims. Whether we're good mothers, or loving sons. But we can decide for ourselves. As a certain wise fugitive once told me,sometimes it's not important which way you jump, just that you jump. Ida J. Mancini: We're not lost! We're pioneers. Blazing a trail through the new frontier. And if you look very closely you'll see an opportunity to overcome your fear. Listen very closely,there's nothing worth having that comes without a risk. Cause I won't always be around to nag you... sometimes, it’s not important which way you jump... just that you jump! Support and love here! ⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/producerevelyn⁠

Psychopaths, Society and Culture

In this week's episode we will talk about what projection sounds like, trauma responses, stress, and mental recovery for some. We are ranging from topics of cyber abuse, corruption in hospitals, and even writing checks to the FBI! This episode has it all. I hope this episode gives you some peace and clarity in your own situations as you recover from whatever you have dealt with in the past or even possibly still chugging through currently. This episode is a taste of that and a reminder not to take your trauma with you and leave it out the door because not all people are the same and you still have not encountered all of the loving people out there who are in your space as a gift to greet you. It may not be in your timeline and you may feel like you are staring through the trees with no light at the end of the tunnel but you are doing the work despite what you are thinking and feeling and hindsight truly is 20/20. I truly love studying how peoples minds work, what makes them tick, and how people handle life's emotional rollercoasters they are thrown into. This particular day I was under a lot of stress and a lot of my past was brought up which let out some ego, pride, hurt, and defensiveness. Discernment, communication, rest and support was needed and with enough work on myself, I was able to pull out of it. My mind did have to go through a place of intricate thought and day dreaming to help me process all of the emotions that had come up. Episodes mentioned: R-E-S-P-E-C-T-ing yourself -⁠https://rss.com/podcasts/reflections-by-evelyn/⁠ Jury Duty… “Your Civic Duty!” - ⁠https://rss.com/podcasts/reflections-by-evelyn/⁠ Happy Halloween! You Filthy Animals.- ⁠https://rss.com/podcasts/reflections-by-evelyn/⁠ Free Freeway Service Patrol services mentioned in this episode: ⁠https://www.metro.net/riding/fsp/⁠ Support and love here! ⁠buymeacoffee.com/ProducerEvelyn⁠

Health Care In America…Yikes!

Nuff said honestly. Support and love here! ⁠buymeacoffee.com/ProducerEvelyn⁠ & ⁠https://www.paypal.com/donate/?business=3D549WBD2UYLG&no_recurring=0&item_name=Justice+is+not+always+served+%2526+my+podcast+is+an+outlet+for+me+to+recover+funds+from+a+home+invasion.+Every+little+bit+matters.¤cy_code=USD⁠ Follow the duck & Evelyn on her adventures and journeys @ducklifeproductions Song links!⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (New song out now!) Keywords: contrarian thinker, accountability, emotional intelligence, real life, no filter, authenticity, documentary, hiking, solo hiker, adventure, solitude, isolation, optoutside, journey, destination, socal, mountains, individual, thinking, contrarian thinker, philosophy, self development, growth, awareness, reflections, reflections of evelyn, meditation, producer evelyn, stream of consciousness, writing, producing, blogs, journaling, mindfulness, inspiration, encouragement, positivity, news, journalism, politics, trends, trending, responsibility, accountability, emotional intelligence, maturity, mental health, peace, joy, love, art, humans with a pulse, creative, talk therapy, support, US, UK, Russia, Poland, Canada, China, Spain, Morocco, France, Italy, Los Angeles, California, Long Beach, accountability, emotional intelligence, real life, no filter, authenticity, documentary, canada, sex education, safety first, protection, hiking, solo hiker, adventure, solitude, isolation, optoutside, journey, destination, socal, mountains, capitalism, united states, america, individual, thinking, philosophy, self development, growth, awareness, reflections, trends, trending, responsibility, accountability, emotional intelligence, maturity, mental health, peace, joy, love, art, humans with a pulse, psychology, philosophy, peace, joy, inspiration, motivation, achievement, coming of age, loss, hardship, emotions, safety first, protection, health care, mega corps, big wigs, health insurance, premiums, education, sex education, knowledge is power, the truth may set you free

Trusting The Process: You Try, You “Fail”. You Try, You “Fail”; And Then You Keep Trying

It took him two weeks to hop back on the apps and start “dating” again, distracting him from his mission but that is a part of his journey. He had to gain confidence in himself that can’t be taught from another person. He could never trust that I wasn’t talking to other guys. For me, dating is intentional. And you shouldn’t be saying you are looking for a long term partnership with someone on a dating app when you are looking for something casual. It would take a lot of awareness on someone's part to know that you can’t handle anything more than casual while you are going through an intense life transition. He may have wanted something serious but was not capable of it at that time. Do I think he was serious about me while being an idiot trying to catch validation with someone else? Sure. But his journey will take as long as it will take for him to realize what he wants and needs and how best to not affect someone else in that process. If you are going to try to have your cake and eat it too, just know that comes at the cost of affecting someone else’s feelings and life. What kind of person do you want to be? I genuinely don’t believe he had malice intentions. I think he wanted to fill the hole within himself but in reality could not find a way to get his needs met and take me seriously at the same time. So even though he broke it off with me and he is repeating the same cycle, that is something he will have to learn everywhere he goes before it clicks and he figures out how to do it right for himself and another partner. It is now up to me, this point forward to step away and not try to go back to something he is not ready for. Some people can only handle casual. And when someone is intentionally trying to find someone; their life and inside their soul will reflect that. I do believe you can navigate life with someone else and figure it out together but that is rare and hard to find and you still need to be in the same book and chapter as your partner. Emotional Maturity: Life is ever evolving and changing and you will be healing and growing until the day you stop breathing (if you choose to keep moving and trying) but the capacity, quality, time and attention you can give someone is totally up to you and how you want to treat yourself and someone else. Life and experiences are different for everyone. I could find someone from my past who reaches a higher level for themselves, or I can meet someone completely new who says, “Where have you been my whole life?” I can only hope life has someone in store for me, and ideally long term, but only life gets to decide that and I need to be patient, accept what is, and appreciate what I had. Maybe all we have when someone doesn’t come back is just a reminder that their lives stayed or went into a different direction. But we can keep trying. Show yourself some grace and love as sometimes, life just is. You can be racking your brain and over thinking and wondering why you aren’t experiencing the love or support you dream of and can’t figure out why it’s not happening when the work is there. It’s not always that there is something inherently wrong and you need to change everything that is out of your control, but there are things happening in the background that you are unaware of. Hold on to that hope that your efforts and strength will pay off one day. Sometimes that looks like saying no more or yes to others, sometimes that looks like having patience, or practicing to control your emotions. Sometimes that looks like living your life and just existing and believing that one day it will all make sense. Sending you all love on your own journeys and may you find what fuels you and gives you passion. Keywords: break ups, love, support, grief, trusting the process Support and love here! buymeacoffee.com/ProducerEvelyn

Unconditional Love: A love Note For Guido & Claudia (Federico Fellini’s 8½)

This week's episode will be a part of a two week series on relationships & the many forms it takes in our hearts, brain & stomach. For the last almost six years, I have been what you kids like to call, “No Contact”. He is not dead, he can reach out to me any time, but he is on his own journey and for whatever reason, [God] intended us to stay apart. I held on for a very long time. As hard as I could. I am the most driven, determined, loving, and fearless people I know, & I will and do handle anything you throw at me because I had no choice in that matter. But losing him was excruciating to say the least. Only horrifically bad things happened to me when we separated & I should be dead several times over & no matter what he says or does, I love him. I had to go through my own journey of learning how to grieve & heal without him & for me that looked like acceptance. The journey of separation has been long; & periodically throughout the years I have sent him messages, mainly to Whatsapp to see if the messages were “seen” & “played” and although I do not work for Whatapp or have those connections, to my knowledge & several spiraled rabbit holes, I do believe he saw/played, every message. No response. Losing him at the time was needed to spark my own growth & work on myself, but it is a fine line of losing what meant the world to me in order to find that self love. I wish every day that he comes back & we can speak again, to reconcile, or maybe closure for both of us, but even if that day never comes, I will continue to live life, with or without him. Those were the cards I was dealt. And one of my best friends who I dated in the past told me, “We could never work out because I always knew your soul was bound to someone else”. That hurt. Because finding a romantic life without him feels like cheating on him, but staying alone feels unfulfilled. I only hope you find some solace in this episode as it has been 54 days since I sent him this message & I need/have to stick to it.Loving someone who does not know what they want & need out of their life, who avoids any chance they can get, is beyond painful. But it is real & it is relatable to many of you. All we have is the space, time, and truth in between the heartbreak & the moving on, whatever that looks like for you. I have a memory of being a young girl who dared to dream of being on the Amazing Race Reality TV show for over two decades and we made a short, silly, pretend video on his phone of what our story would be & why they should pick us for the race when we went on on a hike together. Or when he forced me to face my biggest fear on the planet at the time which was, SNAKES, and he took me on a hike with more SNAKES than I had ever seen in my entire life, sunbathing in the middle of the trails looking all terrifying& a lizard went through my legs & a snake rushed after it & got so close to me that I Scooby Doo’ed into a sharp Yucca plant & I stubbed my toe & the doctor said if I came any later to remove the needle I could have died from an infection. Or one time I was at his cozy studio and he had a conference call he needed to attend in under ten minutes and we were busy making passionate love and I said something along the lines of, “Are we good? Don’t you have to go?” He looked down at his Apple Watch, kept going, and said, “We still have a few more minutes”. I thank him for what he showed me about myself, about love, & about strength and resilience. To know that I can overcome all obstacles, just by having once known him in my heart. But I had to learn a different kind of love. A love that was not selfish and a love that was beyond me & all my knowledge and power. And that was to let go, and let be. To love him in the way he knows love to be. So I said my good-bye. Here are the last words I ever said to him in this episode.

Season 1

Playa Del Carmen, Tulum, Chichén Itzá, and Cancún (Part 2)

This week's episode concludes the first season of Reflections Of Evelyn! Whoohoo! I am beyond grateful to each & every one of you who engaged and listened from all over the world. It truly is an honor to be a part of this journey with you. Like most of you, we have no idea where our lives will end up or how. For better & for worse. My friend told me yesterday when I was stressing out about a flat tire, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." and I was also reminded of what my therapist likes to say, “Well what if it all works out?”. We may think we do not have a lot of control in our lives, but we can alter our perspective, while still living in reality. I can hope that one day this podcast will turn into paid flights around the world where I get to meet incredible people & speak life and inspiration into the lives of others, or maybe even get to the point where I can cover my podcast expenses. Maybe I will meet like minded friends & lovers along the way from active engagers. Maybe none of that will happen and this will be a diary of sorts for my future self. There is only one way to find out. Whatever ends up happening, I am here for it all and I thank you for joining me. If you happened to send me a friend request on my IG page, go ahead and send me a DM so I don’t think you are a bot or trying to scam me. For anyone paying attention, it was the Olmecs I was talking about in this episode who ruled before the Mayans! & lastly, if you were in my generation growing up in school in the early 90s in America, do you remember what we were taught about the Native Americans & the Pilgrims and how they were all one big happy family & everyone got together to share the land & eat yummy food during Thanksgiving? Well, wasn’t that a shocker years later when we found out that was not true & we were all lied to by our teachers. Gulp. & cursive! Ha! Just goes to show you, we don’t know everything & maybe we should try not to claim to. Not to go on a tangent which you know I love doing, but my neighbor told me to watch this movie called Transcendence with Johnny Depp & it was all about AI & playing God & this movie came out in 2014 which was before technology really started to consume our lives & we really knew anything about AI. He rang my door bell as my lights were out for the night & he said, “Yes! You were right! Elon Musk was in the crowd for that movie”. I semi enjoy going down rabbit holes with him when I can mentally handle it because I like to believe in infinite possibilities, how else can we dare to dream and create our own “magic”? But I think it is fascinating that he played a small cameo, they just slipped him right in there, & may I mention, it was uncredited. Almost to say, if you know, you know. If you don’t, here is what is coming. One of the lasting impressions I had before I left the entertainment industry was when a script writer told me, “You write about what you know”. So when I produced a film back in the day about incest, I knew it was time to get a divorce & listen to myself more often, eheh. History does not need to repeat itself. We can start over and forge an entirely new path for our lives. We do not need to do as others do or not do. We don’t know what is in store for each of us or how long we have to thrive, destroy or take over, but we can make the most of our present time. Just a reminder, you have not met all of the people who are going to love you. I am here with you, I am connected to you, & I hope going forward for all of us, we can all choose to be better humans. ⁠buymeacoffee.com/ProducerEvelyn⁠

Playa Del Carmen, Tulum, Chichén Itzá, and Cancún (Part 1)

You really don’t know anything until you travel and see/experience it for yourself. Just know, you take all your issues and baggage with you too. I was very envious for many years of some of my family members who got to travel to many countries with my favorite cousins and I was always left out. This time, a dream came true and I got to experience an unforgettable trip with them as we rented a car and drove all around the touristy areas. I was very skeptical about visiting cities like Playa Del Carmen, Tulum, Chichén Itzá, and Cancún because of them being tourist traps but as my cousin eloquently put, “Tourists go there for a reason. They don’t go to places you would not want to see”. He was not wrong. It was incredibly beautiful. Stay tuned for the final episode of the season next week where I leave you in Mexico for Part 2. Grab your margaritas, your Mezcal, and let's turn up the romance in Mexico before we go back to reality! If you like this channel and wish to support my editor and I, sponsor and ad free, please find the link below as I just created a Buy Me A Coffee Page! You can also find a donation section under "Love and Support" on my RSS feed here: https://rss.com/podcasts/reflections-by-evelyn/ Follow the duck & Evelyn on her adventures and journeys @ducklifeproductions Song links!⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠buymeacoffee.com/ProducerEvelyn⁠ Keywords: contrarian thinker, accountability, emotional intelligence, real life, no filter, authenticity, documentary, hiking, solo hiker, adventure, solitude, isolation, optoutside, journey, destination, socal, mountains, individual, thinking, contrarian thinker, philosophy, self development, growth, awareness, reflections, reflections of evelyn, meditation, producer evelyn, stream of consciousness, writing, producing, blogs, journaling, mindfulness, yogi, spiritualism, flora, relationships, inspiration, encouragement, peace, joy, love, art, humans with a pulse, real life, no filter, authenticity, raw, moving, story telling, eco friendly, economy, subjective, abstract, online dating, sex on the first date, US, UK, Russia, Poland, Canada, China, Spain, Morocco, France, Italy, Los Angeles, California, Long Beach, accountability, emotional intelligence, real life, no filter, authenticity, documentary, canada, protection, hiking, solo hiker, adventure, solitude, isolation, optoutside, journey, destination, socal, mountains, capitalism, united states, america, individual, thinking, philosophy, self development, support, guidance, beauty, unknown, canada, russia, uk, poland, united states, rom coms, action, drama, conspiracy theories, religion, Playa Del Carmen, Tulum, Chichén Itzá, and Cancún, Mexico, traveling, social media, make up

Maybe It Will Be Okay. Maybe.

I had some pre-flight and travel jitters when trying to prepare for my flight to Cancún, Mexico with a connecting flight from Leon. Wherever that was. My last big trip out of the country was in 2019 when I went to Egypt and a lot has changed since then for me. I had to trust a neighbor with my keys, pay him and an old friend to feed my cat and take me to the airport, and truly learn how to let go. It was really hard for me to leave everything behind and allow myself to have fun when I don’t collect PTO or sick days. I was stressing really hard to have a good time and relax. Things were totally different since the last time I was at LAX Airport but the moment I arrived, I found some peace and allowed myself to relax a little. This was my first time doing a super budget plane ride and note to all of you, pay for the nicer flight with leg room. Especially if you are taking a red eye and hoping to get some sleep. No nuts, no water, no service, no nothing. And two days into my trip I got some sort of summer flu from my plane ride. Next week's episode will dive into what actually went down in Mexico and how different your experience can be when you get out of your head and listen to friends, family and critics advice and warnings. Traveling allows you to think bigger, bolder, and brighter. You drop into a place with new faces, different cultures, different lives being lived and I don’t know about you, but put your newspapers, magazines, social media, and news away folks because that is just a form to keep you scared and away from living your life. My neighbor who was watching my cat sent me an article while I was in Mexico with my cousins, telling me to be careful of the giant earthquake that was plaguing Mexico, and I was like, “What Earthquake? Bro….I am fine. But thank you for your concern. Now put the phone down.”. Follow the duck & Evelyn on her adventures and journeys @ducklifeproductions Song links!⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠buymeacoffee.com/ProducerEvelyn⁠ Keywords: contrarian thinker, accountability, emotional intelligence, real life, no filter, authenticity, documentary, hiking, solo hiker, adventure, solitude, isolation, optoutside, journey, destination, individual, thinking, contrarian thinker, philosophy, self development, growth, awareness, reflections, reflections of evelyn, meditation, producer evelyn, stream of consciousness, writing, producing, blogs, journaling, mindfulness, yogi, spiritualism, flora, relationships, inspiration, encouragement, positivity, news, journalism, politics, trends, trending, responsibility, accountability, peace, joy, love, art, humans with a pulse, real life, no filter, authenticity, raw, moving, story telling, subjective, abstract, picture this, documentary, creative, talk therapy, support, guidance, UK, Russia, capitalism, individual, thinking, philosophy, self development, growth, Mexico

SEX, Politics, Religion, and Conspiracy Theories…

…you know, all the stuff you “shouldn’t talk about” insert grinch gif Movie mentioned in this episode “Lord Of War” ⁠https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXgyoER0aRc⁠ ^Because who doesn’t love Nicolas Cage right? I swear a version of this movie is completely true. …The word I could not remember when describing how wonderful love making could be was…SEROTONIN! I don’t know about your friends and family network, but there are some topics you just don’t want to bring up around a dinner table or maybe ever. Or maybe with people you just started dating. Or maybe just not, so soon. Unless you plan on being argumentative about it, I don’t see anything wrong with sharing your opinion as long as we are allowing other people to have their opinions too and in the same way we share them. We are all right, and all wrong I like to say. There is not one singular person on this planet Earth, who knows it all and holds the right to tell other people how to think or feel, it truly is up to you to decide what feels right in your bones and how you want to take that information in your own life. Maybe I grew up on too many James Bond, Indiana Jones, Superman and Terminator movies to not have an opinion on these topics. If I go around in my head pretending/believing I am my own character in a film as I take on my day at any given moment, I am in an episode of Handmaid's Tale, or a scene from “Lord Of War” or “Law Abiding Citizen”. Maybe throw in a little bit of “He’s Just Not That Into You”, “Sweet Home Alabama” or "Armageddon". Oh wait! And “Independence Day”, “Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy”, 8 ½, Choke (2008), Frasier, Buffy, Smallville, Seven Psychopaths, and “Mr. Right”. Basically, I can list those movies and tv shows and that pretty much sums up my entire personality. I hope today, whatever time of day you are enjoying this episode, that you remind yourself to show yourself some grace, love, compassion, and constantly remind yourself that you do not need to be a cog in the wheel, a rat in the race, you are not just a number, and you deserve to have some fun and laughter in your life. You may be having a bad day, but there are ALWAYS good days ahead. Let this be one for you. buymeacoffee.com/producerevelyn Follow the duck & Evelyn on her adventures and journeys @ducklifeproductions Song links!⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Keywords: accountability, emotional intelligence, real life, no filter, authenticity, documentary, isolation, optoutside, journey, contrarian thinker, growth, awareness, reflections, reflections of evelyn, writing, producing, blogs, journaling, encouragement, story telling, talk therapy, support, journalism, politics, trends, trending, sci fi, rom coms, action, drama, conspiracy theories, religion

It’s All In Your Head! Chill Out!! Labels!!!

We are finishing up our Road Trip to Fresno. If you didn’t catch the last episode, “What Is A Predator?” make sure to check that one out before continuing with this one. This morning, the dude I recently started dating, bought me a breakfast burrito because I bought him a special meal last night for all of his hard work and efforts he has been putting into his new career lately. He said, “What was I gonna do? Get myself something and not you”? All I could process out of my mouth was a whimper and I said, “ But where are the hash browns?” My brain's thoughts were trying to comprehend what was happening in real time. I thought to myself, You got me a breakfast burrito without sausage? No potatoes?? Why is he spending money on me when he needs to be saving money? That’s why I treated him yesterday. All of this was happening in my head as I was spiraling, withdrawing from nicotine again and frantically looking for my keys which are always in the same place yet somehow with a new presence around, this time they were not in their usual spot. My dude and I go roughly 1-2 weeks without seeing each other each month because we are long distance, and sometimes he comes over and spends 2-3 days with me to make up for the time apart. We are both trying to get used to spending time with someone else when we are used to doing "life" alone. Later that day I started whining at him because work has been slow again so I couldn’t afford to pay him for any luxuries to wash my car because it has been trashed since before I bought it. From all of my purchased car washes from when I was a ride share driver, never touched the damage of the polar bear-like dog who basically lived in the car with the previous owner when they went on joy rides together. Of course the dealership thought the car was “cheap” enough to not detail it properly before selling it to me.I had been bugging him to bring his tools and supplies over so he could work on my car the last few weeks and I felt so guilty to afford such a luxury when it was not feasible with the current economic situation i was in. I told him I was so sorry for nagging him about it and making such a big deal about how I needed it done and he said, “I won’t do the whole car but I got you. Don’t worry about it.” An hour into his cleaning, I brought him down some tea and to check on his progress to see if he needed some help because I could not imagine what was taking so long as I have a tiny car. I came down to the garage and one seat out of five, was done. I could not believe how meticulous and diligent he was being on the seats and I was completely and utterly speechless because the difference was beyond night and day. An eleven year old car essentially looked brand new to me, I could not believe it. I went back and forth to get him some water for his machine and kept pestering how I could help as I found myself feeling so guilty for wanting something that was so labor intensive, and for free. He did not finish until around 10:30pm. He came back into the house and face planted on my bed and did not want to move. He didn’t give me a guilt trip, didn’t ask for payment, didn’t expect anything in return, he just asked if I was happy with the results. I always have something to say and this time was speechless. This was literally a labor of love. My car smells new, fresh, and you can see patterns that weren’t there before. It was beyond a gift to me. I am still getting used to getting out of my head, bouncing thoughts and ideas off of someone, holding my own while sharing space with another, but this is my first opportunity to start over again and try things differently this time. It takes time though and trials and efforts, to undo the previous hurt and pain and pre conceived notions of how life or people are, should or ought to be. To get out of your own way and believe in fresh starts and new beginnings and different paths.

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