Failed Rift
by Noah HazeltonSeason 1
The Bold, the Bad, the Brash, and the Bingus
Today, Noah, the narcissist, tests the trio to talk trivia about their top talent, reveals secrets untold, has car troubles, and dons a new flannel. (But you can’t really tell…) Apathetic Andrew, doxes the don, inquires about to the birth of precedents, and impoverishes Johnny Appleseed, but gains Noah’s respect, and gets sent back to ‘nam. Brilliant Bree, brings up fair Lady Bird Johnson, knows Noah’s exploits, and identifies as an organelle, but can’t recall how to conclude. Novice Knox, loses his computer privileges, can’t speak Spanish (or English for that matter...), and hears the call of Scotland. From beavers, Biebers, and nutria rats, to Handshake Deals. It’s today’s overdue fourth installment: “The Bad, the Bold, the Brash, and the Bingus.Today, Andrew acquaints the ensemble with his new RPG, dabbles in the digital, and dares divide the dudes. Brazen Bree backs away from any feisty feline fakery, fails to witness the pie, but has a premonition of point-persuaded bricks. Savage Knox shows a stomach empty; But with a heart of gold, exhibits steadfast stewardship to his pal, despite shedding his apparel and going full Rambo. Keen collector Noah bends the rules… as well as the space-time continuum; Announces amusement accolades, and channels his inner Subway. (Not sponsored… yet…) It’s off to a hysterical third installment. From golden toilets and chaos kittens, to empty bottles and a tad of quantum tearing. It’s: “Deep in the Dungeons." Today, Unbiased Bree bids the boys boast of the batty, bawdy, and beautiful in a raucous racing roundabout. Andrew, between exams and these bids, hasn’t the steam and aims a bit too low. Surely he’s busted… right? Knowledgeable Knox knows NASCAR, but not when he can be heard. Smashes the set without using Earnhardt, but gets rocked by the reel, regardless of the ref. Nauseous Noah needs NyQuil? (Not sponsored) due to nasal nefarity, knows news regarding recently revealed rarities, and manufactures mixes of men, maximizing their merit. It’s Bree’s battle of the boys, barreled by boisterousness. But have a laugh from the Spanish Inquisition, to… mister... Trickle? In: “Wacky Racers.” Knox, the Kingpin of comedy, has the companions clash in a kaleidoscope of combatants, cuts hairs out of cleanliness, and keenly kinks the odds. Andrew acts out the antics of Butters, insinuates atrocious acts of colorism, and wins the battle of undergrowth, with a big bite of *Schmidt. Narcissistic Noah knows neither clapping nor volume, navigates his knowledge out of necessity, and would bleed for dinos. Brazen Bree promotes the director of photography, brings up Baymax brawn, loses points for blowing trumpets, but pulls out on top with a strong bow.