Today’s feed is brought to you by 15% tariffs, failed empires, and the sharp edge of late capitalism — literally.

Trump and the EU did a handshake cosplay in Brussels, trading tariffs for photo ops like it’s prom season for autocrats. Meanwhile, a Michigan teen brought a blade to Walmart and democracy brought a shrug. ICE arrested a Delta pilot on the tarmac like this is Narcos: Spirit Airlines edition. Google failed to warn 10 million people about an earthquake, but don’t worry — they did show you a YouTube ad for toothpaste. And in Arkansas, a couple got murdered mid-hike while their kids watched — just another reminder that the family vacation is now a horror genre.

Also: Thailand and Cambodia try peace talks again, Adam Sandler refuses to quit comedy, and tech bros fantasize about ghost sex. It's a hell buffet — we just read over  ...