Alone in the Dark is back, and we're celebrating its return with a month-long exploration of the franchise! First up: Uwe Boll's 2005 "adaptation" of the games, an experience that may or may not have caused us both a pretty severe bout of existential dread. The plot holes in this one are basically caverns, so grab your dad’s oversized ren faire jacket, don some protective paintball body armor, and let's get spelunking! Oh, and make sure you start headbanging a few seconds before the buttrock bulletstorm begins- because as we all know, acting is REacting (to things that are about to happen but haven’t yet).

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