It’s FA Cup semi-final weekend and, unbelievably, all the EXPloaded team have skin in the game but while Bill and Ben are born and bred City and Chelsea fans, Tim reveals that only a celestial intervention sealed the deal with his love for Leeds. Whatever.

Bill gets a promise about his cock from Calvin Klein, Ben has a weird thing with misaligned nipples and a legendary interview with Damon Albarn (then Blur frontman and pretend “lad’) is only marginally less controversial than the winner of the inaugural Crisp World Cup. The truth about “the fix” is in.

Did you know that it’s very possible for us to get to Mars but not so easy to get back? We’re using this to our advantage to get rid of some people we’re not so bothered about keeping on Earth. Guess who’s first up. Feel free to add your suggestions in the comment box ...