di Andres Reyes and Tony Robusto
My dear sister, I have assured that no one will be listening to this podcast by staging a violent disagreement with my co-host in our last episode. The audio file you will find here was meant only for your ears. However, since I know our enemies may always be listening, I have coded your message between talks of even more Unfortunate Events, Jessica Jones, Jack London's writing style, and an unlikely fan theory. It is my hope that you receive this message before our enemies close in. Please send your response to the place where it is still quiet. If you must contact me through mundane means, you can do so on twitter at @theaterbats, or my co-host at @royalty_valens. Our trusted associates who control those accounts can find us. Do not contact Lee Rosevere, the person who wrote our outro music "Theme from Penguins on Parade," as he is being watched.
Dear Listener, No doubt you have chosen to listen to this podcast under the impression that it portrays two friends having a lively discussion about something pleasant, like penguins, or those little balls they put in bingo machines. This is not the case. In the almost thirty minutes that this podcast lasts, its hosts talk of such miserable things as child actors, Alan Tudyk, movie directors, and two separate book series in which love, courage, and intelligence is not enough to save one's parents, no matter how desperately you want to ask them about the mysteries surrounding your life. We are sworn to make and edit these podcasts, but you have no such duty. If I were you, I would delete this podcast immediately and find one that doesn't have the music "Theme from Penguins on Parade" by Lee Rosevere as it ends, and whose hosts do not lurk about on twitter at @royalty_valens and @theaterbats. With all due respect, Tony Robusto
Are you ready for a good old-fashioned down home country good time? Then have we got a movie for you! Join Andy, Tony, and dog-Patrick Swayze as they wash the bittersweet taste of the first movie out of their mouths with literally the same song sung three times in the same movie. Not counting credits. Important questions: Bears: too terrifying? Are there any two characters that Andy won't mix up? How many happy lines can we ruin with even the most basic of context? What are the physics of the Ferris wheel? Keep an ear out for Andy building his entire identity around mispronouncing the word entourage while Tony battles Hollywood's monopoly on foreshadowing. Our outro music is Theme from Penguins on Parade by Lee Rosevere. Find us on twitter! Andy is @royalty_valens Tony is @theaterbats
Time to tackle one of the biggest podcast quandaries: what should our sign-off line be? Astute listeners will notice that despite all the talk, and the goofs, we did not actually use a sign-off line at the end of the podcast. Look, we're new. Important questions: What makes a good think tank? Why does Tony only have one bit? How gay should sports anime be? Keep an ear out for Andy's low, breathy voice and Tony joking just a little bit too much about killing him. Our outro music is Theme from Penguins on Parade by Lee Rosevere. Find us on twitter! Andy is @royalty_valens Tony is @theaterbats
After taking a week off for our season break--yes that's the reason I'm going with not that I just didn't get the editing done in time--Andy and Tony embark on another thrilling discussion. About editing. It's not as boring as it sounds. Important questions: How does one do a podcast without breathing? Will Tony kill Andy? What exactly was cut out during the outro? What's Alan Tudyk up to? Keep and ear out for Andy pronouncing words like English is the distant memory of a lost lifetime while Tony says "displeasant" like an unlearned ape. Our outro music is Theme from Penguins on Parade by Lee Rosevere. Find us on twitter! Andy is @royalty_valens Tony is @theaterbats
After three episodes, we finally stop talking about The Lion King Musical. Then we move on to some other topics. Including but not limited to: Hamilton (again) Song of the South The Blair Witch Project Psycho Covering Andy in chocolate Jurassic Park 2 Batman V Superman Clothes and literally the weather. Important questions: did I warn you that we would talk about whatever we wanted yes I did. Keep and ear out for Tony and Andy milking a conversation from a month ago over three weeks like a couple of champs. Our outro music is Theme from Penguins on Parade by Lee Rosevere. Find us on twitter! Andy is @royalty_valens Tony is @theaterbats
It's our first full episode in months! You missed us, we know. To make it up to you, we'll show you exactly how Disney can take their best accident and completely drain it of charm, until it is covered in cheese and working really hard for both pop culture references and the approval of its dad. Important questions: What made Kronk and interesting character? What is with the excessive and creepy dancing? Why does it take Andy and Tony almost a full hour before they start talking about the movie? Keep an ear out for Tony using the word "foil" like eighteen times while Andy laments the loss of his appendix. Our outro music is Theme from Penguins on Parade by Lee Rosevere. Find us on twitter! Andy is @royalty_valens Tony is @theaterbats
Okay, fair warning. Things go a little off the rails this episode. And then a lot off the rails. We live life off the rails. Important questions: What is with these two weirdos having the hot for lions? Should you commit to a visual bit on an audio medium? Topical jokes: always bad? Keep an ear out for Andy being overcome with emotion while Tony gets grossed out by Scar being an old pervert. Our outro music is Theme from Penguins on Parade by Lee Rosevere. Find us on twitter! Andy is @royalty_valens Tony is @theaterbats
We're alive! And to think you doubted us, LAUREN. To celebrate this crazy little thing called life, we're rolling out a brand new filler podcast! Because it's easier to edit! Come with us as we venture out of the movies and into...LIVE THEATER! *thunderclap* We're doing The Lion King Musical, guys. Important questions: Is it really okay to post a twenty minute episode after being silent for almost three months? Yes. Yes it is. Keep an ear out for Andy talking about this amazing experience while Tony edits poorly. Our outro music is Theme from Penguins on Parade by Lee Rosevere. Find us on twitter! Andy is @royalty_valens Tony is @theaterbats
Come with us, children, to the most childlike place sometimes on Earth: Neverland! But to return there, we'll need to have been there before, which means we have to watch Peter Pan... This was a bad decision. Important questions: What is the most famous deleted Disney song? Is Neverland a hellscape? What makes a hero—or a villain—relatable? And what is the deal with Captain Hook? Keep an ear out for Andy getting Jane's name wrong so many times he sounds like her grandfather or something, while Tony tries to hide his secret shame. Find us on twitter! Andy is @royalty_valens Tony is @theaterbats