Trump gave a rather extraordinary account of his 9/11 heroics at a Pentagon ceremony this week — apparently two "big, strong" firefighters literally lifted him to safety, which is either the greatest untold story of 9/11 or a complete fabrication, and multiple news outlets are betting on the latter. Meanwhile, his brand-new Qatari-donated Air Force One decided to deploy its own emergency evacuation slide before takeoff, the Republican midterm convention in Dallas featured a giant underwear photo of a left-wing streamer for reasons nobody can quite explain, and Trump is now promising every American a $5,000 "dividend" — but only if Republicans win first. And in Australia, the Prime Minister is facing a corruption scandal so severe it involves forgetting he had a golf membership.

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