Who was the very first person to ever start a conga line? Picture it — a party's going, and one person grabs the hips of the person in front of them, who grabs the hips of the person in front of them, and suddenly there's a human train snaking through the room for no reason anyone can explain. Who started it? Why did everyone just... join? What deranged confidence does it take to grab a stranger and shout "EVERYONE LINE UP BEHIND ME"? We don't know, and we didn't look it up. This week we follow the chain back to history's first conga captain — the original "grab on and don't ask questions" — with the confidence of two men who would absolutely be the awkward part of the line that breaks off.

100% unverified. As always.

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