Alive & Alone

On my 40th birthday, I jumped out of a plane 13,000 feet above the Pacific Ocean, alone. But the story doesn't start at the jump. It starts a week earlier, having a total breakdown at home because I felt forgotten, unchosen and lonely.

On Friday, September 25th, 2026, I turned 40 and went skydiving for the very first time in Oceanside, California. Solo. And the strangest part? I wasn't scared.

In this first episode of Ripples in the Matrix, I take you from the airplane door to the free fall, the moment I finally let go of the harness and opened my arms, and the words that kept pouring out of me: I am so alive.

Then we go back to where this story really begins: the week before my birthday, when I felt alone, discarded and not chosen. I share the emotional purge I'd been resisting for months, the friend who held space for me, the unexpected invitation that showed up in the middle of it, and the moment I realized no one was coming to create my birthday for me. I had to choose myself.

We also get into:

• Why I wasn't craving adrenaline. I was craving feeling alive.
• How life turns into a to-do list instead of a to-feel list when we disconnect from our practices
• Living as God in body, and what Kobe Bryant and Kanye West taught me about delusional self-belief
• The limits I'd been treating as facts, and which ones are actually mine
• Fear vs. faith, and why I'm more afraid of not fully living than of dying
• Why integration matters as much as the experience itself
• Why this podcast exists

This isn't an invitation to jump out of a plane (unless you've been feeling that nudge, then go!). It's an invitation to ask: Where have you stopped feeling fully alive? Where are you waiting to be chosen? And what limit have you agreed to that was never yours?

See THE JUMP video here

Chapters

00:00 – Turning 40 and my first skydive

00:56 – Waiting for the fear that never came

03:01 – An unexpected connection: skydiving over the pyramids

03:58 – The door opens

06:04 – The jump and the free fall

09:44 – "I am so alive"

10:48 – Where this story really starts

13:42 – Feeling unseen, unchosen and lonely

15:04 – The emotional purge I'd been resisting

18:17 – An invitation in the middle of it all

21:06 – Finding evidence of support

22:03 – Choosing myself

23:35 – Craving aliveness, not adrenaline

24:24 – A to-do list instead of a to-feel list

25:19 – God in body: Kobe, Kanye and delusional self-belief

29:00 – The limits I'd been treating as facts

30:47 – Let go and let God: what if you fly?

31:54 – Life is a game, and I'm not afraid of dying

34:51 – The beach: why integration matters

37:23 – The old Simone and year 40

39:03 – Why this podcast exists

41:07 – Your invitation