Temporada 2
Some things aren't yours to carry
How to get better at anything: Scaffolding
The other side of fear
Are You Punishing Yourself Without Realising It?
Your words are doing something to you
Temporada 1
We don't always get to choose what happens to us. But we do get to choose what we do next. In this episode, I'm coming to you straight from a cancelled haircut appointment — and what started as a frustrating morning turned into a reminder of something I learned in my psychology lectures: the locus of control. We talk about what it means to know the difference between what's in and out of your hands, what the research says about people who live by that distinction, and how an Islamic concept called Tawakkul quietly backs all of it up. Nothing can take your agency away from you. That's your INSyed look for this week. some things aren't yours to carry; how getting my haircut canceled made me happier References https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10698268/#sec7 https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-locus-of-control-2795434
We all have a moment where we sit down, ready to take on everything at once, and freeze. This week I share what my dissertation taught me about learning, growth, and why taking things one step at a time isn't a weakness — it's the science. In this episode: Why even the most capable people freeze when they take on too much at once The zone of proximal development — what it is and why it matters for your everyday growth How scaffolding reduces the mental weight of complex tasks What Icarus can teach us about knowing our ceiling Why starting small isn't giving up — it's building up Sources: The Influence of Scaffolding and Task Complexity on the Cognitive Load of Startups: An Experiment Effects of adaptive scaffolding on performance, cognitive load and engagement in game-based learning: a randomized controlled trial
What if the thing you're most afraid of is also the thing you're hoping for? In this episode, we explore the relationship between fear and hope — and why both can only exist in the presence of uncertainty. Drawing on cognitive reframing and research into how fear and hope function as motivators, this episode makes the case that the two aren't opposites. They're looking at the same thing from different directions. Something that matters to you. the other side of fear: what you're fear f is also what you're hope for. References: Miceli, M., & Castelfranchi, C. (2010). Hope: The power of wish and possibility. Theory & Psychology, 20(2), 251–276. https://doi.org/10.1177/0959354309354393 Snyder, C. R. (2003). The Psychology of Hope. New York: Free Press https://positivepsychology.com/cbt-cognitive-restructuring-cognitive-distortions/ https://ppnetwork.org/hope-fear-maybe-two-faces-primal-emotion/
The enemy in the quote isn't always who you think it is. Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it kills your enemies — but what if you are the enemy? In this episode, we unpack the psychology of self-forgiveness, the difference between guilt and shame, and why letting yourself off the hook might actually be the most responsible thing you can do. In this episode: The guilt vs. shame distinction — and how we slide from one to the other without noticing A meta-analysis of 65 studies and nearly 18,000 people on self-forgiveness and wellbeing Why forgiving yourself doesn't make you less accountable but the opposite As always — there's always more INSyed. Resources: Davis, Don & Ho, Shine & Griffin, Brandon & Bell, Christopher & Hook, Joshua & Van Tongeren, Daryl & Deblaere, Cirleen & Worthington, Everett & Westbrook, Charles. (2015). Forgiving the Self and Physical and Mental Health Correlates: A Meta-Analytic Review. Journal of Counseling Psychology. 62. 329-335. 10.1037/cou0000063.
The psychology of self-talk and emotional sound The loudest voice you’ll ever hear is the one in your head. So what is it actually saying; what’s it doing to you? Researchers mapped 24 distinct human emotions from nothing but sound. No words. Just voice, and what I found in their data made me rethink every word I've chosen, and every word I've let go. In this episode: The vocal emotion study that started it all; and a link to explore it yourself The James-Lange theory, and why it flips everything you thought about self-talk One small vocabulary change, and what it quietly did to my inner world Links and references below. As always — there's always more INSyed. Cowen, Alan & Elfenbein, Hillary & Laukka, Petri & Keltner, Dacher.(2018). Mapping 24 Emotions Conveyed by Brief Human Vocalization. American Psychologist. 74. 698-712. 10.1037/amp0000399. https://s3-us-west-1.amazonaws.com/vocs/map.html# Cannon, W. B. (1927). The James-Lange Theory of Emotions: A Critical Examination and an Alternative Theory. The American Journal of Psychology, 39(1/4), 106–124. https://doi.org/10.2307/1415404
We’ve all been there—staring at a blank screen, tempted to let AI do the heavy lifting. It’s fast, it’s easy, and it’s always right there. But is this digital shortcut actually a dead end for our brains? In this episode, we explore the “Crutch Effect” and why the struggle to find an answer is often more important than the answer itself. We dive into the research behind why AI-assisted practice can lead to lower exam scores and how you can shift your mindset from using AI as an engine to using it as a scaffold. Key Highlights * The Convenience Trap: Why AI is designed to tell you exactly what you want to hear, and why that’s a problem. * The Crutch Effect: Understanding the psychological cost of offloading our critical thinking. * The 17% Gap: A look at research showing that students who rely on AI tutors often underperform when the "safety net" is removed. * Illumination vs. Consumption: How to treat AI as a candle that lights the path rather than a fire that burns the work away. * Personal Reflections: Why "messing up" is the most underrated part of the creative process.
Why do we keep saying "yes" to everyone else while our own world quietly falls apart? This episode dives into the psychology of Sociotropy and the "fawn" response, revealing how the safety we try to buy with compliance eventually leads to total burnout. Have you ever felt like a lightbulb that’s been left on for too long—working perfectly for everyone else until the moment you flicker out? We often mistake self-neglect for virtue, falling into Unmitigated Communion where we obsess over others' needs even while our own house is on fire. Today, we break down why "people pleasing" is a survival strategy, not a personality trait, and how to reclaim your "no" without the crushing weight of guilt. Whether you’re struggling with workplace burnout, social anxiety, or the exhaustion of being the "reliable one," this deep dive offers a psychological reframe to help you align who you are with who you want to be. In this episode, we discuss: The "Fawn" Response: Why your brain chooses compliance over fight or flight. Sociotropy vs. Kindness: The thin line between being helpful and being hollow. The Cost of "Yes": How chronic people pleasing fuels anxiety and depression. The Weight of Disappointment: Learning to go further by letting others' expectations go. Resources & Further Reading The Disease to Please: Harriet Braiker’s foundational look at the "People-Pleasing Syndrome." Sociotropy & Depression: Insights on the psychological link between social dependence and mental health (Beck, et al.). Unmitigated Communion: The research by Helgeson & Fritz on the cost of focusing on others to the exclusion of the self. The "Fawn" Response: Pete Walker’s exploration of people-pleasing as a trauma-based survival strategy. Attachment at Work: Research from the Journal of Business and Psychology on how anxious attachment leads to professional burnout. Modern Implications: Recent 2024–2025 meta-analyses on the links between people-pleasing, social anxiety, and neuroticism (PsyCh Journal).
Why is it so hard to understand someone else's perspective, even when the "truth" seems obvious? This episode explores Theory of Mind and the Curse of Knowledge, revealing the psychological gap that fuels miscommunication and how we can bridge it. Have you ever felt the frustration of explaining something "simple" to someone who just doesn't get it? We often navigate life with a "clean map," forgetting that others are walking a different path with "dirty shoes." Today, we break down the famous Sally-Anne task and look at how these childhood developmental milestones follow us into adulthood, biasing our logic and our relationships. Whether you’re looking to improve your communication skills, deepen your empathy, or simply understand the cognitive biases that cloud your judgment, this deep dive offers a practical reframe on what it means to truly listen. In this episode, we discuss: The "Open Secret" of human misunderstanding. How the Curse of Knowledge makes us arrogant. Why adults fail perspective-taking just as much as children. Turning "difficult people" into your greatest teachers.
Does scrolling through Instagram ever make you feel small or question your own worth? Why do we feel a "sting" when we see others succeed? In this episode, we explore the hidden mechanics of envy and the silent suffocation of comparison. We discuss how to identify the "Two-Way Road" of resentment versus growth, and why your most uncomfortable feelings might actually be the blueprint for your future self. What We Cover in This Episode: The Jealousy vs. Envy Myth: Understanding the difference between the fear of losing something and the longing for something more. Malicious vs. Benign Envy: How to distinguish the poisonous desire to pull others down from the "alarm clock" that wakes up your potential. The Blueprint Strategy: Learning to see the success of others not as a threat, but as a map for your own journey. The Mountain Metaphor: Why we must choose between digging away at someone else’s success or taking steps to climb our own taller peak. Nature’s Competition: Reframing envy as a natural survival instinct and choosing what to do with that feeling to decide who we are. Sources: Parrott, W. G., & Smith, R. H. (1993). Distinguishing envy and jealousy. JPSP. Protasi, S. (2017). On the difference between envy and jealousy. Journal of Moral Philosophy. Hill, S. E., DelPriore, D. J., & Vaughan, P. W. (2011). The cognitive consequences of envy. JPSP. Erz, E., & Rentzsch, K. (2024). Insecurity and dispositional envy. JPSP. Krizan, Z., & Johar, O. (2012). Envy and narcissistic vulnerability. Journal of Personality. Miaei, A. (Master’s thesis). Social comparison, envy, and performance. Hoang, G., & Nguyen, T. (2025). Workplace envy and growth mindset. Psychology Today. Wikipedia contributors. Envy; evolutionary perspectives.
Have you ever looked back at your younger self and felt a sense of shame or confusion? Why did we act so impulsively? Why did everything feel so overwhelming? In this episode, we discuss the "biological mismatch" of the developing brain. We explore why our emotions mature on a highway while our logic takes the slow backroad, and how understanding this science is the first step toward true self-forgiveness. What We Cover in This Episode: The Stranger in the Mirror: Why your past self feels so disconnected from who you are today. The Amygdala vs. The Prefrontal Cortex: Understanding the race between emotion and logic. The "No Brakes" Metaphor: How to reframe your childhood anxiety through a biological lens. The Path to 25: Why your brain isn't "finished" as early as you think. A Call to Change: Moving forward with empathy for the person you used to be.