There's a strange kind of comfort in staying exactly where you are – even when that is hurting you. In this episode, I’m talking with clinical psychologist Dr Emily Musgrove, and we discuss why the familiar feels safe even when it isn't, and what it actually takes to find our way back to ourselves.

An imprint I have - from watching the busy women in my family – was that if you're not doing three things at once, you're lazy. That's the thread Emily and I pulled on together. We both grew up watching women just go, go, go – and then spent years unravelling what that cost us. Emily talks about returning from holiday and instantly flipping into doing mode. I talk about the moment I realised my anxiety was actually working for me - keeping me safe from being seen.

Her book Unstuck grew from that reckoning. We talk about secondary gains (the ...