INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE

Q: I'm here today for Primetime Pals, interviewing our latest guest: an honest-to-God vampire!

V: The world is a murky tomb and I am its deathless curator.

Q: Uh-huh, sounds great! So, what's it like being a prince of darkness, a scourge upon the lifeblood of us mortals, an exsanguinator par excellence?

V: Oh, y'know, it's pretty drab.

Q: I'm sure that's not true! Why, sitting before me right now is one resplendent fellow, dressed to the nines, your mane of hair set perfectly, with the porcelain pallidness of a marble statue.

V: [sigh] I'm terribly sad.

Q: ...ok. Well, why don't you give us some insight into the enthralling, devious behaviour your bloodlust has drawn out of you?

V: I mean, what's the point of it all, really?

Q: Jesus Christ, mate, you're a f%&ki ...