I want to talk about something that changed the way I understand love.

Because for a long time, I thought I just had a bad picker.

I thought I kept choosing the wrong people.

But the truth is, it wasn’t my mind choosing my partners.

It was my nervous system.

Your nervous system is shaped in childhood.

Before you have language.

Before you have logic.

It learns what feels safe, what feels familiar, and what feels like home.

And here’s the hard part.

Safe doesn’t always mean healthy.

Safe means recognizable.

If you grew up in a home where love was inconsistent, your nervous system learned to stay alert.

If affection came and went, you learned to wait.

If you had to earn attention, you learned to perform.

If emotions were unpredictabl ...