The precinct is in chaos. Detective Santiago the precinct's top detective, legendary for solving three cold cases before his morning coffee, has vanished without a trace. The Captain calls in the only dimwitted duo reckless enough for the job: Detectives Jared “Ballistic” and Jonathan “Sourdough” Manno.

The Captain delivers the bad news: Santiago has been spotted in the Junk wearing a velvet robe and chanting under the stars with the secretive Cthulhu sex cult known only as The Knight Stars in area. Word is he’s been completely brainwashed, body present, mind somewhere in the tentacles of madness.

Knowing they’re out of their depth in eldritch erotica and ancient sea gods, the Captain orders the Gumshoes to do what they do best: movies. Specifically, every piece of pop culture featuring Cthulhu, cults ...