Our intrepid correspondent attended a football match for the first time, and discovered within himself a surprising affinity for hooliganism. It was a women’s football match, the quarter final of the Champion’s League, Chelsea at home against Barcelona and losing 4-1 (8-2 agg). What did he learn?

Firstly, you are not anonymous in the crowd at a football match. The people on the pitch can hear you, so you feel that the right shout at the right time, or the wrong word at the wrong time, could actually have an impact on the action. You can make eye contact with the players, they are sensitive to your vibe. You are part of the action, and the team is counting on you.

In fact you find yourself part of something much bigger than just the action. Banners celebrating great deeds stare down on you like battle honours in a garrison church or at ...