*reads aloud somewhat poorly*

oh hai there!! XD *fucking GLOMPS you*

remember the internet? chances are, you're actually using it right now - otherwise, how the fuck did you get here?

but remember the EARLY internet? yeah. a lotta people do. a few people are still trapped there, which unfortunately leads them to act out in destructive and inhumane ways, such as using creepy asterisks to roleplay in a way that only they can possibly get off to. don't believe us? *mickey finds the subreddit for it, fucking makes a podcast about it.* there. believe us now?