Good morning, citizens. Today: physicists abroad have spent years and a considerable sum teaching two small things to agree, which we have managed for free. Three hundred and fifty studies have discovered that other nations have been eating too much protein; our loaf worked this out some time ago. A nine-year-old has earned his Little Shadow Badge, and his neighbour was astonished. And then, the mailbag — including one viewer who is quite certain I said something on Thursday. I did not. Everything is already wonderful.

Verity is a satirical fiction podcast. Inspired by real headlines:

• First real-world demonstration of quantum entanglement over a busy telecommunications fibre network
•  ...