por Debra Burton
A key to a better marriage is to know when we should say something and when we shouldn’t. We don’t want to be a spouse that “harps” on something to the point it's not peaceable to be around us. To be a peaceable person, it’s important to not constantly and relentless say too much when we should "let it go." On the other hand, we shouldn't be silent when we should speak up. There are 3 keys discussed in this session on how to put this into perspective so we can keep the peace.
Personal root issues can create many ongoing problems in a marriage. But when we know what they are and how important it is to resolve them, then a relationship can drastically change. We will briefly go over 11 root issues that identify what causes turmoil because of unhealthy reactions in a relationship. Once we learn from our root issues, then we can overcome what seeks to overcome us!
When we bring “baggage from our past” into our marriage, it can cause a lot of confusion and conflict. Therefore, we must deal with past hardships and heartaches by learning from them. Then we can build our spouse instead of tearing them down because of the bad baggage from our past.
One of the best tools for our Marriage Toolbox is mastering the “Art of Listening.” We will be going over 6 Keys on how to be a great listener. What’s the difference between “hearing” and “listening?” Let’s discus “active listening” and see how it truly benefits a marriage!
From the very beginning in Genesis, God gave us a blueprint for marriage. What does it mean to “leave?” And how do we “cleave?” What stops spouses from becoming “one?” This session will answer the hard question of “how do I leave and cleave but still honor my parents?
Another tool for your Marriage Toolbox; this session is on the specifics God has given to the husband and the wife to build the marriage He designed for them to have. The right tools give solutions to problems that marriages encounter as we learn the character of Christ.
Today we end the “Dirty Dozen” session with 6 ways a marriage can be destroyed. “Destroy” means to “give in” to what is destructive and thus ruin the trust and hope, security and safety, that should be in a marriage. These absolutely must not be in a marriage! There can be healing from these if specific tools are used to move forward, and if both spouses are willing to do so.
Today we start with 6 ways a marriage is “diminished.” Diminish means to weaken a marriage because of ongoing acceptance of what can cause a couple to disconnect and not be close. We don’t want to minimize or rationalize ways that can diminish a good marriage. Instead, we must do the opposite in order to make marriage much better!
There are 3 everyday tools that can make your marriage more enjoyable. How we treat our spouse makes all the difference for a close marriage or a disconnected one. In my consulting office, I saw the couples who implemented the “NFL” tools and how their marriage grew in a good way. And then there were those couples who didn’t use them, and their marriage became worse and worse over time. What a difference because of the choices we make! These 3 tools are practical and something everyone can and should make into a habit. It can pay off immediately and, in the years, to come!
Do we allow hardships in marriage to describe us because we are reacting to the harm and hurt? Do we allow difficulties to define us for good or bad, for strong or weak, for staying stuck or moving forward? Experiences in marriage influences us. But ultimately, we are personally responsible for deciding the type of person we will be in our marriage. The decision is our own of how we will allow God to shape us and mold us into the person He has created us to be. With this comes the choice to grow our character so we can grow into all God designed us to be.