Who was the very first person to ever stand up and go "OK OK — I'M IN CHARGE HERE"? Think about it: at some point in a group of equally clueless cavemen, one guy decided he was the boss. Nobody elected him. Nobody asked. He just declared it loud enough that everyone went "...okay, I guess?" Was it confidence? Was it the world's first power grab? Was he immediately overthrown by a guy with a slightly bigger rock? We don't know, and we didn't look it up. This week we trace the origins of the first leader — patient zero of bossing people around — with the confidence of two men who are in charge of absolutely nothing.

100% unverified. As always.

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